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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 12:05 PM

I have a friend who's about a year older than me and who smokes. I don't know if it's a lot or not, but enough that she has cigarettes in her bag at school and when we go out. I understand that smoking is someone's choice and I want to support her in whatever choices she makes, whatever makes her feel better--she used to cut herself and she's stopped doing that, but now, instead, she smokes and sometimes starves herself. It scares the shit out of me. We both know how awful for you smoking can be, and her smoking and making light of it really upsets me. She talks about it around me, and she knows that it bothers me. I don't know what to say to her, because she has a really, really hard life, so I feel like I can't tell her she needs to stop (she has asthma, and it's getting worse), because smoking can calm you down and she needs to be calmed down often. Ugh it's just really difficult. I'm scared for her. She has a few health issues, none of which smoking can help. And since she's older, I feel like I can't approach her. Any advice?
   
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 06:00 PM

Starving yourself definately problematic, and can be self harm. Same for smoking.

Though sometimes smoking is just smoking, as opposed to SH, so only she really will know. As for straving, if it's not SH, it may be part of another problem, e.g. an Eating Disorder. Perhaps if it is, the smoking is linked to that (there's a misconception smoking stops you feel hungry)

Being older doesn't really matter, it might be worth expressing your concern for her, like she was your own age (if thats the sort of thing you do). Perhaps try talk about it online or via email, or a note, or a text. Sometimes thats easier.
   
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 06:03 PM

She's not a idiot, she knows how bad smoking is for her.

Combining asthma and smoking carries risks.

"Environmental tobacco smoke, especially maternal cigarette smoking, is associated with high risk of asthma prevalence and asthma morbidity, wheeze, and respiratory infections.[8] Poor air quality, from traffic pollution or high ozone levels, has been repeatedly associated with increased asthma morbidity and has a suggested association with asthma development that needs further research"

However she most likley knows this is not a good thing and to be honest I don't think it will change her.
   
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 08:49 PM

smoking is absolutely disgusting in my opinion, and as a cancer sufferer [although not of lung cancer] how people can smoke knowing they risk getting cancer is beyond me.

anyway, about your friend. i'd love to say that you should speak to her and she'll listen to your concerns and understand where you're coming from, but most young smokers think that nothing can happen to them or the good old, "oh i won't smoke forever.. i'll just quite when i'm older.."
smoking with asthma is just being totally stupid. she's asking for problems.
i'd say, talk to her.. but don't expect a positive reaction. eh, at least you can say you tried.


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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 09:56 PM

Tell her exactly what you just posted on here, that your worried for her safety and most of all for her health. If she has asthma and she's smoking that's seriously a huge risk, and just adds to all the problems that smoking can cause for her. So just tell her that you care about her and want her to choose healthier ways to make herself feel better. Because it sounds like that's what she smokes for - to make herself feel better. You don't have to say something like "Stop smoking, right now." But you can say it in a supportive and kind way. But that's honestly going to be pretty much the most that you can help her. You can't make her stop smoking, but you can speak your mind about it, and just hope that she makes the right choice.





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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 10:07 PM

I don't think the fact that she's a year older should stop you approaching her. A year isn't that much and if you're good friends, then it shouldn't be a problem.

The only way you can do this, is to be honest.
Dont go all 'you have to stop smoking and start eating etc', but explain your concerns and hopefully she'll open up abit and you can help her.

She wont change overnight. It will take time and dedication and be willing to stand beside her cause she'll need as much support as she can get.

If after you talk to her she seems to blow you off, 'yea alright I'll stop' or something unconvincing, then it may be that she's not ready to admit she's got a problem and doesn't need help. Again, try be there for her and slowly help her realise the truth/






   
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 10th 2009, 11:27 PM

Hey-

Sit her down, and be like, I know we've talked about this before (I'm assuming you have because she knows how much you hate it?) but I'm extremely worried about your smoking. I know it's your choice, and I'm not going to stop being your friend because of it or anything, but I care and worry about you. Is there any way you could cut down on the smoking or stop completely?

Perhaps look up ways to quit smoking and what helps. Suggest she goes to her doctor and gets help from them. And tell her you'd be there for her 100% if she decided she wanted to quit. But don't expect an answer right away, let her think about it. And then tell her how much it means to you, but you know that she needs to stop for herself, not someone else. If you stop for yourself, it lasts longer.

You sound like you're a really good friend to worry so much about her, and it sounds like you've really got yourself grounded and look very reasonably at things. That's so awesome.

Let me know if I can help you at all. <3
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 11th 2009, 07:55 PM

Oh thank you all so much. I'm just scared for her.

I don't know if it's like an addiction, or just something she does for fun. She certainly isn't known as one of the "smokers" in our school; only a few people know that she does it at all.

But her best friend smokes too, and they do it together. So I feel like even if I talked to her, she wouldn't change, because she and our friend smoke together. Well, maybe she'd take it to heart. I can't know until I try, I suppose. But... ugh it's just so complicated. I've told her before that I'm really worried, and she replied that I shouldn't worry and that it's her choice. This was before I knew about the severity of her ashma. She collapsed the other day. She said health stuff scares her. I'm terrified.
   
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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 11th 2009, 09:06 PM

It really shows that you're a great friend that you care about your friend like this, and I think that's really great. If you've talked to your friend before and she told you not to worry, then you should simply tell her that despite her telling you not to, you really can't help but worry about her. The thing is that if she doesn't want to quit smoking, then it's probably going to be a lot harder for you to get her to stop. If that's the case, tell her how bad smoking is for her. Tell her why you worry about her, and what you're scared could happen. Depending on how long ago your friend started smoking, she could try to stop now, and it may be a lot easier than it will be for her in the long run. Try to convince her she'll be better off if she tries to stop smoking. Don't necessarily be harsh, but assure her that your talking to her about this because you care.

& I agree, you never know what can happen until you try talking to her.





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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 12th 2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitestringbracelet View Post
I have a friend who's about a year older than me and who smokes. I don't know if it's a lot or not, but enough that she has cigarettes in her bag at school and when we go out. I understand that smoking is someone's choice and I want to support her in whatever choices she makes, whatever makes her feel better--she used to cut herself and she's stopped doing that, but now, instead, she smokes and sometimes starves herself. It scares the shit out of me. We both know how awful for you smoking can be, and her smoking and making light of it really upsets me. She talks about it around me, and she knows that it bothers me. I don't know what to say to her, because she has a really, really hard life, so I feel like I can't tell her she needs to stop (she has asthma, and it's getting worse), because smoking can calm you down and she needs to be calmed down often. Ugh it's just really difficult. I'm scared for her. She has a few health issues, none of which smoking can help. And since she's older, I feel like I can't approach her. Any advice?
She has asthma and she's decided to smoke? That's not a good idea at all... there are plenty of drugs (prescription or otherwise) that can "calm you down" without the dangerous effects of smoking and the increased dangers due to her asthma. If she has a hard life and needs something to help her deal with it, she should go to a doctor and find a safer alternative. You obviously can't make the decision for her, just let her know that you care about her and you think smoking isn't good for her, and that there are other options she can take. Maybe offer to help her find an alternative...whether it be therapy, medication, or even just a hobby or something to help her deal with her problems.


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Re: do cigarettes count? - January 13th 2009, 09:29 AM

Personally I do not feel that cigarettes count as a drug but I may be a little biased as I am a smoker myself...
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