I don't know how to deal with this :(

[into creation x]

So I posted about my drinking problem just over a month ago and those of who replied said to stop drinking completely, at least for a while.

I haven't done that as of yet, I still didn't think I needed to take it to that extreme. I have had a few nights out since then but I have watched what I drank, even on new year I made sure I didn't go over the top, even made sure I drank water.

But I have realised since then, sometimes after just one drink, a comment a friend makes can really bother me to the extent I cannot look them in the eye and have to try my hardest not to flip out. It's usually some comment about my drink driving past.

And those comments really bother me. "Are you going to do it again?!". I can't think of other things they say, this is coming from my 2 closest friends too. It's not so bad when I'm just with one of them, but when it's the three of us and they start making comments I just can't handle it. I feel like they really look down on me and like they think I really will do it again I feel like they will never let it go, like they talk about how much of an absolute twat I am when I'm not there. I feel like they think I haven't taken it seriously.

To be honest, I act like to almost everyone I don't take anything seriously, that's just the way I am and I don't see that as a bad thing. I find it easier to joke about everything. I'm not an open person either so sharing feelings with others is something which doesn't come naturally. This doesn't mean I don't reflect upon things in my own time, because I do.

I'd just like some advice. How do I deal with drink drive comments when they actually really bother me from my 'best friends'? I still don't even know how I feel about it. To be honest I just don't trust myself when I'm that drunk to not do anything inappropriate. I know that the more drunk I get, the more things will bother me, the more I will act on spur of the moment emotions so if I'm angry, upset, annoyed or anything that makes me want to get away from the situation I am likely to just escape. And far too many times this meant I got to my car and drove it. I know there is no excuse for what I did and I know it's a good thing I have gotten a driving ban to stop me doing it again. But honestly, I can't say 'I will never do it again' because if I were drunk and acting on emotions to get away, I don't know if I would think about the fact I could cause a collision and kill someone or myself.

So whenever I am asked "Have you learnt your lesson?" or "Will you do it again?" I just don't know how to act or feel. I tell them yes I've learnt my lesson and no I'll never do it again. And when I'm sober I don't think I would. But when I am in that drunken state I just don't trust myself

The more I think about drinking and what it has cost me, the less I want to drink. And realising that even one drink can affect me to the point of really having to try to keep myself calm bothers me. But at the same time I can't change people's feelings about what I did and it's my fault I'm in this situation.

I feel all rubbish and unhappy when I think about all this. I even didn't go out last night with my friends and this was partly because I was scared I'd get drunk, emotions would get out of hand then I don't know what would have happened I think my friends are even a little annoyed that I didn't go out. I'm glad I didn't go because I don't like drunk me.

How do I deal with this?

[George^^]

Well, you could say goodbye to your drunk self, and say your sober self. You can tell them that as long as your sober, you'll never do it again and that their comments hurt and you don't need to be reminded, again, and again. ^^' I'm sorry your friends keep bringing it up, but when they do you can always bring up that last time you didn't hurt anyone and it's best to leave things like that behind.

^^ Hope I helped, and try to find something to keep your emotions in check, like the count backwards counting thing.

[Rikku]

My dads friend had a drink prob, so my dads friends and him filled all of his bottles of alcohol with lemon juice. Pure lemon juice. after he took a shot of pure lemon juice, he didn't touch liqour for another 4 years.