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Some1 Offline
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Name: Arlo
Age: 26
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Unhappy Just out of rehab. ): - March 17th 2012, 11:03 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi my names Arlo. So I'll give you a little background info first.

I've abused PainKillers, Alcohol , Weed , Robotussin, and whatever else i could get my hands on for about three years

Went through a lotta shit, a lot of the usual drug addict stuff. Stealing, lying, cheating, ruining relationships and friendships, fucking up my career(I'm a musician) etc.

I went through drug counseling last summer was clean for six months. Did my first semester of college. Relapsed during winter break. Did the first 2 weeks of second semester. during which i binged hard. started cutting again. wanted to kill myself more then ever. started to lose my mind. Wandered around boston by myself tripping on cough syrup all night. Just about od'ed. Parents came and withdrew me from school.

Just got out of rehab. now i'm living in florida in a 3/4 way house with other recovering addicts.

I still hate myself. I still want to die every fucking day. I've been going to AA and NA meetings but i stutter and sometimes i cant even say my own name in the meeting. Which makes me more depressed, angry, frustrated, and hopeless.

I feel like if i didn't stutter everything would be fine. but i'm stuck with that too in addition to all my other shit.

the people here are pretty nice. and i can talk to them. But i still feel so alone. my stomach hurts all the time because i'm so anxious and stressed out. I've never really lived on my own before and i have to start looking for a job soon. I dont feel up too any of it. I just want to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

My stutter is pretty bad right now, I'm still withdrawling from drugs, I'm depressed anxious and have a lot of suicidal thoughts. I don't how to deal with everything at once.

My life was good like 3 months ago. I made a 3.95 in school, was in like 4 bands, was about to start to play shows and make money. Now i'm back at sqaure 1... again....

I'm too much of a pussy to to jump off a building. I'll probably just start using again. I dont' want to. I know where it takes me, Living hell.

I dont feel much better than that now though. so idk..
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Re: Just out of rehab. ): - March 18th 2012, 01:06 AM

I'm not experienced with this sort of thing, but since you're so upset and nobody's posted yet, I thought I might as well give it a shot. Umm... have you tried eating a fruit and veggie diet to help clear your system and make you healthier? Are you trying to make friends at the place you're staying? Even if you don't feel like making friends, you should. Developing relationships with people who know how you feel can help. It lets you know that you're not alone. You should carry around something that will remind you not to give into your addictions (a picture of a loved one, perhaps?). Maybe you could share your passion of music with the other at the place your staying at. Try doing things you enjoy, smile (even fake smiles help lift you up), and try to have a positive attitude towards life. Sorry I wasn't that helpful.
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Dr.Bobby Offline
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Re: Just out of rehab. ): - March 18th 2012, 03:48 AM

Listen, life's a journey. This one's yours.

First, good for you for going to rehab and getting a start at being clean. Huge step, lotsa huzzahs.

A lot of people think that when you finally make the decisioon to go to rehab (or any treatment, ftm), and when they get out, they're all better. When the reality hits them that it;s really just the beginning, they get discouraged. Don't. The expectation of being 'Cured' is understandable, but it;s unrealistic. Rather, it's the beginning of something very good, yet very fragile. Stay with it, work the program, get a sponsor to help support you, and keep your eye on the ball. You know what it's like to be down there.

Go to as many meeting as you need, thankfully, they're all over and all the time. Introduce yourself simply as 'A'. They will accept you and embrace you in the rooms, you need that, don't keep yourself away from that because you're discouraged or anxious. Just go. And take it a day at a time.

Good luck..

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
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Some1 Offline
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Name: Arlo
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Re: Just out of rehab. ): - March 22nd 2012, 03:34 AM

Thanks guys. I try to eat pretty well. I'm working on getting into kickboxing too.
Everyday is a struggle in my head. Meetings help. I've gone everyday so far. People have been really nice and encouraging. I'm going to go to the same one every morning. I'll get more comfortable and it'll be easier to share.

The stuttering thing is a challenge. I'll start going to speech therapy again at some point. I dont feel like i have the energy or time to figure that out right now though.

All i can do is take suggestions, cause my way of doing things doesn't work at all.
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