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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tearxstained Offline
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Name: Aly
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Am I a bad friend... - April 4th 2009, 01:10 AM

I just got off of the phone with my friend 'Jane'.
I called her to tell her how I was feeling about her new relationship with my ex boyfriend 'Donny'. I basically said that I thought he was cheating, because everybody at my school had been told either by him or by the girl he is "dating" that they're together... which basically makes me believe he is cheating on Jane who doesn't go to our school.
I told her that I wasn't over him, and he had been my first serious boyfriend, and that seeing as I had lost so many of my firsts to him I really wasn't comfortable with them dating. I told her that he was going to hurt her, because that is what he does and I told her that when that time came she couldn't talk to me about it because I wouldn't be able to comfort her over something I knew was going to happen and had warned her about. I also told her not to talk to me about their relationship as it happened. I tried to be as civil as possible and before we got off the phone I told her I was sorry for being so impossible but that I felt like she needed to know my feelings and now that she did I wouldn't bring it up again. I am pretty sure she like hates me now... and I feel sort of really bad for saying all of that. I'm usually the girl who pretends everything is fine when it's not so I am not used to telling people how I feel... Was I completely out of line for saying all of this? Am I a bad friend? Do I deserve to feel like a peice of crap just for telling her how badly she made me feel?
I'm currently debating whether or not I should call and take it all back. I know thats probably a really stupid idea... but I don't want to lose her as a friend... I feel like I was being irrational and my feelings are stupid.
Am I right?


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Re: Am I a bad friend... - April 4th 2009, 09:10 AM

Hey aly.

I aint sure about how this thing will go but i can offer some advice.

firstly, your feelings are NOT stupid.

Because you as someone, has EVERY right to have emotions and feel about something. And you know, this might partly be for the best if she decides not to go with him , because from the way he is acting, he might be two-timing her. So i agree that he might actually hurt her too. Take this from a guy.. it's probably true.

and you know, EVERYONE can react on impulse and say something weird at the spur of the moment. I'm confident that she might forgive you, because the thing is the guy's your EX-boyfriend. Obviously it'll probably feel bad if someone, anyone was with him. So i think she might understand your feelings as well.

But i still think you call her up and tell her that you didnt mean to say this in such a way.. just tell her she means a lot to you and you're sorry, because you know..ex-boyfriends come and go.

But friendships may be forever

Hope that helped in case you need someone to listen, i'm ( as well as the rest of the people over here ) ready to help, listen and be a friend


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Re: Am I a bad friend... - April 4th 2009, 09:34 AM

Hey Aly!
Darrenboy is absolutely right!
You are entitled to your feeling ad have a right to express them! There is nothing wrong with expressing them. And it's not wrong that you're feeling this way...
I haven't dated since my first bf broke up with me. He keeps telling me about all his gf's and frankly I feel really bad coz i really love him. It's been about a couple years, but the pain still hasn't stopped. And the one thing I did wrong, was to shut up about how I felt about it. I just had the guts to tall him recently. He was really mad at me first...but he slowly he started to understnd. We are really good frends now. Although I secretly really love him!!! :P
Jane is your friend. I'm sure if you give her time, she'll start to understand and appreciate your opnion. And honestly, I think you were being a good friend!
Hope I helped a little!
Take care
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Natalie


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Re: Am I a bad friend... - April 4th 2009, 05:25 PM

Hi Aly,

Darren said it perfectly there, and I think it's important to say again- your feelings are not stupid. Your feelings are never stupid, so don't feel bad about expressing them, especially to your friends.

I hope you didn't take your words back. I think it would help to explain why you said them instead- that you care about your friend a lot and that you are worried she will get hurt like you got hurt. That should help clear some things up. She may have gotten mixed messages from first hearing that he's probably cheating on her and then hearing that you don't want to hear about their relationship. I think she needs to know how concerned you are for her and how sensitive you are about hearing about this guy with someone else and that you are still getting over it. She should listen to your views, but also listen to what she has to say and how she's feeling about this right now. This guy probably means a lot to your friend right now, just like he did to you, so try to understand how she is feeling.

I really hope you and your friend have a good talk about this. It will be good to have communication both ways.

Hold in there, and don't ever feel bad for how you feel
PM me if you want to talk some more.

Nat.


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