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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Mom, what's WRONG with you?! D: - April 27th 2012, 05:43 PM

My mom is being so difficult! She is not well these days and all, and I KNOW that she might be a bit frustrated because of her illness but still! Okay, so this is what happened:
My dad travels a lot due to his job. And mom hates it because she want dad to spend time with the family. But can't she see that his job is important?! Mom is ALWAYS criticizing him, accusing him of something he DIDN'T do, and telling me and my brother that how our father sucks. And guess what? Bro. believes her! What the @#$%&*! And she is always looking for sympathy, exaggerating things. She is like, "Your father doesn't love me but don't worry! I'm here for you, sweetie! So what if he doesn't love me? I'll tolerate him for you!" I told her a few times that Dad is THE best father but she just goes, "You won't understand, child. You won't." Whaaa...?! What's her problem?! Dad never replies back and always comforts her but she is so ungrateful! I mean Dad practically waits on her hand and foot! She is so ill these days but then too she doesn't stop complaining and whining! Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But why is she so....insensitive at times?! First, she yells at Dad, and then starts crying! Talk about emotional blackmail!! How COULD she talk about her husband like that?!

Sorry if it's too long and thanks for reading. Any words of advice welcome. xx


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Re: Mom, what's WRONG with you?! D: - April 27th 2012, 09:13 PM

And people wonder why so many marriages end up being miserable and/or end in divorce.

Your mother is ill, but honestly, I think this goes beyond her illness. Either your mom has always had this selfish attitude, or somewhere along the way, she lost sight of what's important/realistic in a marriage and stopped putting in the effort (in fact, she's contributing to its destruction). In situations like these, I'd recommend couples (or possibly even family) therapy, because everyone needs a safe place to talk about the underlying issues and figure out how to repair the various relationships (father and mother, father and brother, mother and you). Otherwise, things may just continue in this manner, unless your mother receives some kind of shock and realizes, "Oh crap, I've been treating my husband like dirt! I need to make things right!" Even then, though, your father may continue to feel some resentment toward your mother, or your brother may continue to feel some resentment toward your father, or you may continue to feel some resentment toward your mother. Communicating about all of this, and figuring out what needs to change within the family dynamics, is what needs to be done. There's nothing you can do on your own to change the whole system. Maybe you could talk to your father about this idea, since he may be more receptive to it than your mother?


   
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Re: Mom, what's WRONG with you?! D: - April 27th 2012, 09:14 PM

Wow - this was very similar to what my parents were like. See, everytime my dad wasn't around, my mom bashed my father. Eventually, all the bashing, the verbal abuse, and the hate turned me against my mom. Let's just say that me and my mom rarely talk due to what she use to say about my father. See, the thing is that I wasn't always like that about my mother - I loved her! I was a Mommy's boy! However, after all the bashing, I turned. It wasn't happening a few times a month, or a week, it was every single day she would do this. Nonetheless, I brought my family to a therapist, and they declared that my mom destroyed my life with females. I strive for love from females - for hope, for hugs, for simple things from females. This all came from my childhood, and the bashing that my mom gave my dad which lead me to a lack of love from a female figure. Instead of being a mother, she was bashing my father who took care of everyone and everything. So, we all sat down in this little office, and I told her why I hated her. She eventually was placed on a few different kinds of medicine, and at that point I moved out. I know this has nothing to do with your story - however I wanted to share that you aren't alone and the bashing CAN and eventually WILL effect aspects of your and your brothers lives; so now this story leads into the advice part of this post:

I think you should try to get the family to go into a counseling type thing. If you mom rejects harshly, then I think you need maybe tell your mom that you cant handle hearing her bash your father, and frankly you don't want to portray your father in that kind of light. Tell her that her bashing is making you upset. Express all your feelings to her. If after you communicate with your mom she still bashes your father, then I would INSIST on going to a family therapy type thing.


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Re: Mom, what's WRONG with you?! D: - April 28th 2012, 08:18 AM

I did try but mom was like, "so you think your mom is crazy huh??" and then started crying in a corner


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