Obsession with best friend

[HeatedGoose]

My mind is constantly fixated on my best friend. We are both male and honestly he is on my mind 24/7. I really have no idea what is going on with me. We are both 19 and I am a freshman in college and he is graduating high school. It's been like this since we both met 4 years ago. I really don't desire "him" if you know what I mean but I really can't stand being away from him. It's also very awkward that I just want to be near him and even put an arm around him. I love him like that, but thinking about anything body specific doesn't really do anything for me. I've had a girlfriend or two but I really can't understand why I feel so connected to my best friend. Girlfriends always made me painfully aware of how much I miss my best friend and what he was doing right then. Now the funny thing is that lately when I do hang out with him I get really angry. I believe I have become really jealous of everything that he has done. He always receives athletic recognition for all of the sports he does. When I was in sports with him I would usually get last (track and cross) which dropped my already low self-esteem. He is a really great friend and we tried to train for track but honestly it didn't help (not his fault). I am the one who always has to text and facebook message him, usually he never starts a conversation. Honestly I don't know what to do since he is going to college in another state soon and I wont be able to come home every couple weekends to visit like I did this year. He doesn't really seem to care as much as I do. I always feel like he isn't an emotional guy either which sucks because I am so shy that I have issues stacked to the ceiling that I get off my chest to him. Anyways, help please. I need him off my mind. He is a brother to me but it's not fair that I am constantly bugging him non-stop when I am alone. When I am with other friends, I'm okay, I can forget about him. It's honestly very weird how my emotions have been lately. I can think about how I sucked at track all day and how awesome he is at running and get so ticked at him for not answering a text I sent days ago and if he responds it's usually something really short compared to what I wrote and bam!, I'm happy again. I just wish I knew if he was as crazy about me as I am him. Then we could sort it out on our own. I'm sick of it. Anyone know what's wrong with me?

[Mitch]

The way I see it there is nothing wrong, perhaps you don't 'love' him sexually but rather have this admiration for him, because he seems to be successful at the things you weren't so. In other words, I think you see him as sort of a role model. You say his body does nothing for you, but you have had girlfriends and they create a desire to be around him again.

On the contrary, have you ever in any way explored your sexuality? I'm not saying wanting to be around him means your gay or anything but your situation is sort of strange to me, as you can forget about him when you are around other friends. The term that comes to my mind is man crush.
(When a straight man has a "crush" on another man, not sexual but kind of idolizing him.)

I sort of have the same problem with one of my friends, he is better than me at a few things, physically, Maths etc and that can sometimes frustrate me a little bit too, but I also desire to be around him and think he feels the same way to a degree.
I hope my thoughts on this have been slightly helpful to you.

[HeatedGoose]

Yes he is better at me in everything. EVERYTHING. I don't have a high self-esteem anyways and it sucks when he is around lately where I have to hear all about the great awards colleges are sending. As to the girls, I have experienced attraction with a few. I have not explored anything haha, never have slept with anyone. Thank you for your thoughts. I hope we can get more. Have you thought of telling your friend about any jealousy you may have? I've read online that that is not the best option. Honestly, I feel like my friend is distancing me right now and it bothers me so I think this bro-mance isn't mutual.

[minniemouseprincess]

Well I can say I have kinda felt that way with my own best friend for a period of time. Its lesser now but it used to be to the point where I wondered if I was in love with her, not just thought of her as my best friend. I discovered that no, it wasn't that kind of love. Sometimes you do feel those feelings though when you are that close to someone. Like Mitchell said, its admiration. I wouldn't worry too much about it=) This may just be a period you'll grow out of like I did=)

[Mitch]

Well me and him are each good at one thing that the other isn't so - so I don't worry about it too much. Although I do wish I could have the courage to tell him how I feel about him - although I think anyone that hangs around me can very well assume it anyway so I think he knows it.

[PassingBy]

Your story sounds like I could have written it myself. I've known my best friend for 4 years now, and we are both graduating from college in a couple of weeks. I know exactly where you are coming from with regards to the anger over text messages and feeling that no matter what, he is better at everything. Whenever we aren't together, I'm wondering what hes doing and always assume it is more fun than whatever I'm doing. I've experienced alot of frustration in regard to sports, because no matter how hard I try, he performs better. Hell, we took a bowling class together, which is an activity that doesn't require the typical athletic skill set, and he still outperforms me every day. My anger surfaces most frequently in activities that we are more closely matched, but I try not to hold it against him. I just wish he understood what it feels like to be in my shoes.

Once we graduate, we will be living in different states. In high school, I had tons of acquaintances and shallow friendships, but none that even compare to what we have now. Its horribly depressing for me to think about moving away and losing the 2-3 really strong friendships I have in college. What makes it worse is that this seems to be much less painful for them. I feel that with my social skills and the lack of forced social interaction(i.e. school), I will never be able to form relationships of similar substance.

I guess that doesn't quite help you much, besides showing someone else is in the same situation.

[HeatedGoose]

Wow, you are 21 and already graduating college? Hey, it's great to hear someone with the same issues. I wasn't very athletic before I started sports junior year of hs but I'm no slacker. I tried and tried. Just like you, it seems that our friends don't really care that we try hard too. Now that's horrible that they are moving away, sorry man. What can I say, we admire our friends. Here's some hope though, over time, you will make new friends. I'm very shy but I have caught up with a great group of pals at work. It does get better! haha, this seems a little over-bearing but hopefully it conveys the point