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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
udontno Offline
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My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 03:37 AM

My uncle used to do a lot for me when I was little. However, he never spent a lot of time with me because kids were loud and we got on his nerves. He had his own life and that was fine. He now lives across the street from my aunt (his sister) and her child, Dalton. Dalton is six. Dalton spends a ton of time at his house and is often invited to functions that I am not invited to. He takes Dalton camping, to the beach, to amusement parks, and invites him to go swimming. He's even hosted birthday parties for my cousin at his home (he has an inground swimming pool). This weekend I was informed that he took Dalton to Busch Gardens, an amusement park, without inviting me or my sister.

Last fall, Dalton had a soccer game and my uncle attended. I've played softball competitively since I was nine. I've won three straight division championships with my rec team and faced opponents in All Stars tournaments that would lead our team to national championships. He has never been to a single one of my games, yet he can find the time to go to my cousin's soccer games.

I just don't understand it. This is more a rant than anything, I guess. Why does he treat my cousin so differently? Is it because he is a boy? I had someone that knows my uncle tell me that I should become closer to him so I'll get some of his inheritance money! I can't believe someone would have said that either. He will probably leave all the money to Dalton, not that I care anyway. I don't want his money. I want him to be there, to actually care. I'm sick of being treated as second rate.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 04:06 PM

Hey Amanda,

I think that maybe for convenience sake, he has only been inviting Dalton, since he is so close to your uncle right now. It is probably easier for him to contact or for him to know what is happening in Dalton's life because he is close.

Perhaps he may be spoiling him because he is young, or he may think that you and your sister have your own things going on, or maybe he is more favourable to boys. Maybe he thinks Dalton doesn't get enough attention, and he wants to give it to him. I really couldn't say.


I really really think you should talk to him. Perhaps next time you do have a softball game, invite him and just mention to him that you would really like him to be there. Maybe your family should really make the next family event you guys have exciting so your uncle will have a better realization that you want him in your lives. Perhaps it would help if you spent some time with Dalton too, so you could indirectly get more time with your uncle, and it's always good to be close to your aunt as well. It could lead to your family getting stronger.

I hope it gets better, and you can start building a good relationship with him~~ and PM me if you want to talk :]
   
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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 08:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vincent View Post
Hey Amanda,

I think that maybe for convenience sake, he has only been inviting Dalton, since he is so close to your uncle right now. It is probably easier for him to contact or for him to know what is happening in Dalton's life because he is close.

Perhaps he may be spoiling him because he is young, or he may think that you and your sister have your own things going on, or maybe he is more favourable to boys. Maybe he thinks Dalton doesn't get enough attention, and he wants to give it to him. I really couldn't say.


I really really think you should talk to him. Perhaps next time you do have a softball game, invite him and just mention to him that you would really like him to be there. Maybe your family should really make the next family event you guys have exciting so your uncle will have a better realization that you want him in your lives. Perhaps it would help if you spent some time with Dalton too, so you could indirectly get more time with your uncle, and it's always good to be close to your aunt as well. It could lead to your family getting stronger.

I hope it gets better, and you can start building a good relationship with him~~ and PM me if you want to talk :]
Dalton may live across the street, but I don't even live thirty minutes away. He could easily make the drive to come see us. There really is no excuse for his behavior.

My parents used to invite him to family events all the time, but he would rarely show up. He's invited to all major things, but he often does his own thing. I spend a *lot* of time with Dalton and my aunt. However, they usually come to my house or I usually go to there house and my uncle is never at home when I'm visiting.

I just think that he simply wants nothing to do with me and it's sad.


--A
   
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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 10:12 PM

I really think that you should still keep inviting your uncle to these family events and get-togethers your family hosts. Maybe even just invite him over for dinner sometime when he's free. Make sure it is on a night he can attend, and then he wont have an excuse.

Another idea would be to phone him up and let him know that you and your sister are interested in spending some time with him. Give him examples of what you want to do or places you could go. Let him know that you haven't really gotten a chance to spend some quality time with him in a while.

I don't think what he's doing is fair. Are you sure it's him planning all these activities with your cousin and not your aunt? Maybe your aunt is the one inviting him or suggesting he do those things. If it is your uncle, though, then do your best to spend some time with him.


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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 10:25 PM

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Originally Posted by Strider View Post
I don't think what he's doing is fair. Are you sure it's him planning all these activities with your cousin and not your aunt? Maybe your aunt is the one inviting him or suggesting he do those things. If it is your uncle, though, then do your best to spend some time with him.
I know that my uncle is inviting him. My cousin will mention that he invited him. I think my aunt milks him for childcare when she needs it, but he does a lot of things voluntarily. Like the trip the amusement park. I know it's him doing a lot of it, because he often doesn't invite my grandmother to big parties at his home. Of course he doesn't invite us either. My uncle is a very prominent man, he's the mayor of his town and he will one day take over my grandfather's business. It's a shame that he isn't more family oriented.

I would call him, but I have an extreme phobia of phones. I have a hard time talking to family members that I am close with, never mind talking to him. He has a lot of people coming in and out of his house--I wouldn't want someone else to answer. And heaven forbid I leave a message. My grandmother used to do that all the time and he'd play them back. She left so many that his African Grey parrot started quoting her in her voice. The bird doesn't talk near strangers, but I can only imagine how hilarious it is to hear the bird. However, I don't want the bird to imitate me. :-/


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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 10:44 PM

sounds to me like your uncle is showing favoritism over your cousin because one,he is younger,two,he is a boy,or maybe both.
but im betting its cuz your cousin is a boy.
all i can suggest,bring this up to your uncle,let him know youd like it if he came to some of your softball games and that you would like to spend more time with him.
the whole not being invited on vacations thing,maybe your uncle thinks that your cousin needs some alone time with a positive male role-model?could that maybe be a possibilty?


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
udontno Offline
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Re: My uncle. - April 6th 2009, 11:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by x7x13x View Post
the whole not being invited on vacations thing,maybe your uncle thinks that your cousin needs some alone time with a positive male role-model?could that maybe be a possibilty?
That would have made some sense in the past. My cousin's father is in jail, but my aunt is currently living with her boyfriend. So he is around a guy everyday at home. That can't be an excuse now.

I guess I'll bring it up with my mother, but knowing her she won't want to do anything.


--A
   
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