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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
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Is it normal to get irrationally worried about loved ones not texting back?? - May 20th 2012, 09:26 PM

(Not fully sure which forum to lob this into!!)

Is it weird that I sometimes get overly paranoid about loved ones if I haven't heard from them in a while?? I just spent the last few hours worrying about my boyfriend because I hadn't heard from him since 4am last night, and he was supposed to be making his way back this morning from a party several hours away. I got even more worried when he didn't answer my phone call and found myself googling the headlines, looking for coach accidents. It turned out veryyy unsurprisingly that he was just asleep and hungover after the party and he's absolutely fine.

I don't just get this with him ~ though I do insanely worry about him every so often if I haven't heard that he got home safe or he's overly late to meet up or something. If my family go off on a plane journey somewhere I will automatically feel anxious until I get a text from them telling me they've landed safely. If it takes them a few hours to send the text I feel more and more worried, which is totally hypocritical of me because I'd often forget to send a similar text to them if I'm away somewhere.

Is it weird that I get like this (I try not to let my paranoia show by constantly texting or ringing these people to check if they're ok, but it always makes me anxious) or is it just a sign that I love them?? I'm not an overly worrisome person in general either, so it's unusual for me. Does anyone else get this sometimes??

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Re: Is it normal to get irrationally worried about loved ones not texting back?? - May 21st 2012, 01:16 AM

I dont think there is anything wrong with it as long as you can get on with daily activites, like work, school etc. Its just because you love these people, I get the exact same way with certain people in my life, my mom goes away alot for work and if i text her and she doesnt text back soon, i get extremely worried and text/call alot to make sure she is okay. And my brother moved away when i was about 14 ( for school he is 3 years older than me) and if i dont hear from him atleast once a day, i get a little irrational but its only because I care about them, same as you. Its just your love for them that you are naturally worried about them. Its not a bad thing to care about them like that

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Re: Is it normal to get irrationally worried about loved ones not texting back?? - May 21st 2012, 01:48 AM

Like LittleMissOneBigMess said, as long as it isn't interfering with the things that you need to do, its not wrong. I get that way when I don't hear from people I really care about. When my father went on vacation he never said what time he would be coming home, which turned out to be at night. Because he never answered my calls/texts I was worried because I hear lots of stories about how bad Mexico can be and the fact that he was flying. I was checking all the different airlines to see when flights might be coming in and calling my grandmother to see if he had called her. After I felt a little silly about all that I'd gone through, but I think its normal to worry about if your loved ones are safe.

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Re: Is it normal to get irrationally worried about loved ones not texting back?? - May 22nd 2012, 06:33 PM

Well, in regards to your boyfriend, I feel it was perfectly normal to be concerned and worry about him. I do, however, feel that you crossed a line when you started looking at headlines and jumped to the worst-case-scenario. There's a reason why police officers won't look for a "missing" person until a certain amount of time has passed - oftentimes, that person is fine, but they haven't contacted their loved ones because they're asleep/their cell phone battery died/they don't have a cell phone signal/they're traveling and can't stop to call/they're tied up and have lost track of time/they're outright forgotten to call.

Basically, I feel like a certain degree of "paranoia" is acceptable, but once you deviate from your normal activities and allow the paranoia to take control of your life, that's worth addressing. (By the way, my mom also checks headlines from time to time, and I've been known to panic a bit when I don't hear back from my boyfriend after he's gone out for a late-night party, so I've actually dealt with both sides of this.) If you don't mind my asking, what does your daily schedule look like? Do you have a lot of activities to occupy yourself, or are you generally sitting at home, alone with your thoughts and free to experience these feelings of paranoia? Having ways to occupy yourself is honestly the best thing I can recommend, along with reassuring yourself mentally (ex. "My parents have traveled plenty of times, and nothing bad ever happened to them - this will be just like all those other times," or, "My boyfriend has fallen asleep after parties before, and he may not feel well after waking up with a hangover, so I'll give him until this evening before I act on these feelings and call him").

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