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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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why doesnt she get it? - April 6th 2009, 11:19 PM

she says shes my best friend.
she says she loves me.
she tells me im really important to her.
shes even told me that she likes me,more then a friend.
yet,when it came to me getting bitched out by her boyfriend,she did nothing.she sat there and let him text me,let him call me a "life ruining whore", a "selfish bitch", and a "selfish slut".......
now he went did exactly what he said he wouldnt do to her again,he broke up with her again,broke her heart yet again.
i tried to warn her,but i got sick of it,got sick of telling her she deserved better nd her not listening.so i just shut up and took what her fucking boyfriend had to say.
now hes out again and she suddenly is listening to me and is like almost depending on me to be here for her.
if im her best friend,shouldnt she listen to me,all the time?
if im her best friend,shouldnt she tell her boyfriend to back off nd shut up?
if im her best friend,i should want to be here for her,not feel like if im not itlll destroy her,right?
if im her best friend,shouldnt we talk/text alot without her bf getting jealous?
this is how i feel lately about my best friend,jenna.shes ruined alot of stuff lately,my relationship fer one,my friendship with her,my friendship with my other friends.shes always telling me she doesnt want to hurt me,yet she threatens to kill herself,tells me shes gonna go through with it.
she doesnt realize that would be the ultimate hurt she could cause me,to take her away from me permamently.
i told her that ealier,and she went from wanting to kill herself,to "ull see me tomorrow,upstairs,cuz i dnt wnt to see him.im sorry,i love you."
i guess all i have to do is remind her that she says she never wants to hurt me again and tell her how much it would hurt if she killed herself just to get her to stop.
i suck at picking my best friends.....i either pick the really good ones i dont deserve nd they leave,or i pick the ones who have more problems then me nd rely on me when shit happens.....


~*fixed what was once broken*~

x7x13x

I.Love.You.<3


YOU ARE ON DRUGS,is what i think

so over you

KEEP MOVING FORWARD


need or wanna tlk,pm me nytime

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ashley-Dawn Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 7th 2009, 01:43 AM

hey there,

Sometimes when people get into a relationship, it takes over the real person that they are. If he is so jealous, maybe she was scared of him. Anyways what i have to say to you is that, she needs you now more then ever. Sometimes friends seem like they are not listening, but they really are, they just choose to not act upon what you are saying.

I think maybe she is just looking for attention from you when she tells you that she wants to kill herself because she knows that you will say something about how important she is to you and that is what she needs to hear right now is that she is important to someone. It just sucks to hear your best friend say that.

Sometimes you can tell someone that they deserve better until you are blue in the face, but they have to believe that themselves. It's ultimatley their choice to do what they want, and even if you don't agree with the decision they make, you have a choice to support them or not.

If you want to chat more, my PM box is always open.
Take care
*hugs*
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Exelus Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 7th 2009, 03:36 AM

"The wisdom which a wise man tries to communicate always sounds foolish..." That's from Siddhartha, a book I had to read once.

Anyway, its expected that your friend won't take your advice. Many people ignore it when others warn them, especially when something as emotional as love is involved.

You're doing very well in comforting her, hopefully you've stopped her from wanting to end her life. It may not mean much, but you're a very good person for being there for her to depend on and being her shoulder to lean on. A broken heart isn't fun, and she's looking to you to help her pick up the pieces.

It may be hard, but try to be patient with her. She needs to know that someone is there for her to help her during hard times, and you can be that someone.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 7th 2009, 10:53 PM

Hey Brooke,

It's not fair that your friend is ignoring what her boyfriend said to you and not listening when you try to warn her about important things, but try to stick up for what you believe in. If her boyfriend is saying those things, ignore him. If he continues, tell the school office about it. They can probably deal with it if it's going too far.

When people fall for someone, sometimes they block others out without meaning to. It sounds like this is what your friend did when you tried to warn her. You did your best by warning her, and she was the one who decided not to listen. This isn't your fault at all. I think that although this was harsh, she needed to learn on her own that this relationship wasn't right for her.

As a friend, there are only certain things you can do for her. You can be there for her, console her, talk to her, warn her, convince her that she's a good person and deserves to live, but you can't stop her from doing things. Overall, she needs to make up her own mind. You're doing the right thing right now. She just needs someone to be there for her and to talk to her about these things. She just needs some support right now. If you are worried she will hurt herself, though, I suggest you talk to a guidance counselor or her parents about it. She may need some help that you wont be able to give.

Stay strong Remember, you deserve someone to support you too and you are a good friend. Don't feel bad about sharing your feelings.
PM me if you want to talk sometime.

Nat.


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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 7th 2009, 11:45 PM

Sometimes people need someone that will listen, and not give advice. If she's not looking for advice just let her talk and listen kindly.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 8th 2009, 10:06 AM

Hi there.
I'm sorry to hear that this is affecting you as much as it appears to be. I believe that you should talk to her, and explain exactly how you feel and that you do not like the way she's treatin you. If you can't do this face-to-face, then an email works just as well although this can be taken the wrong way.

I hope this helps and that you sort this out
Alice
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
emilyjaynescott Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 9th 2009, 07:40 PM

Hi,

As I often said to a friend of mine, "A Woman in Love is a Woman Blind", when you're love you're only going to see what you want to see, no matter who or what it means you'll have to ignore. Your friend probably didn't mean to treat you that way, she just couldnt see what she was doing at the time.
She needs you now, and the definition of best friend is being there for them no matter what, forgiving (maybe not completely forgetting) everything. She made a mistake, she chose to listen to him and not you. But you have to realise that maybe she just didn't see it.
She obviously loves you, so you just need to be honest with her. I speak from experience when I say that you never get over a friend who commits suicide, and if theres one thing I wish I'd done more, its tell them that I'll always be here for them, and that no matter what I will always forgive them and come to them.
Tell her how much it hurts you to see her hurt, and how much it would hurt you to not have her in your life.
Good luck, and if you wanna talk more feel free to pm me.


Time heals the wounds unhealable!

Feel free to talk to me if you ever need someone, I know how it can feel to be lost, to be found, to be disappointed and hurt. I also know that it can always get better!
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
xXbrooke13Xx Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 10th 2009, 02:29 PM

thanks guys,i think i worked everything out with my friend,her boyfriend dumped her for reasons i dont know,but hes still kinda in,but im back in,like almost like i was before.

thanks for the advice


~*fixed what was once broken*~

x7x13x

I.Love.You.<3


YOU ARE ON DRUGS,is what i think

so over you

KEEP MOVING FORWARD


need or wanna tlk,pm me nytime

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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: why doesnt she get it? - April 10th 2009, 03:55 PM

Hi Brooke,

I'm glad this was sorted out between you and your friend.
I'm going to close this now. Feel free to PM me any time and post if anything else comes up.

Nat.


http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/40/signaturep.png
The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
   
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