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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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BabyIndia Offline
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Angry Not sure where this goes - June 17th 2012, 05:12 PM

Okay so my and my husband go to his mothers house once a week seeing how she lives miles away, the only problem is, im asthmatic apparntly so is she)
She has a shit load of cats that just keep having cats that also have more cats, the house reeks and i mean really smells, we have tryed telling her this but she just wont listen, before she used to smoke in the house all you could smell was smoke, but because im pregnant she doesnt smoke in the house and now all you can smell is cat wee. Im not even kidding when i say this but when we have been to her house we actually have to change all of our clothes, right down to the undercrackers and wash our hair its that bad, not even over reacting, im now starting to feel sick everytime we enter her house and trying to avoid going over, but then she gets pissed because apparntly we just "make" excuses up.
The other week we invited her out with us, and we literally had to make excuses to leave the pub as we were getting blacklooks and stares because she stunk of cat piss. We cant take her anywhere because she smells. Weve tryed telling her the house smells in the nicest possible ways (she once said if my house smelt id want someone to tell me) so we did and she went mad saying i was disrespectful for saying i could smell cat pee. Ive tryed offereing her spray when shes out so she doesnt smel but she wont take it because she seems to think she smells okay. Shes a heavy smoker so yeah maybe she cant smell it but surely she would belive us when we tell her nicely.

She wants us to take our baby there when its born, theres no way im doing that because id have to bathe it everytime id been to her house. Id invite her over to our place but she stinks the couches up.

I have no idea on how to act or how to get out of going over. I mean i already said one week i wasnt feeling well because i have morning sickness pretty bad and also because i have curved spine and hip displacement my back and legs constantly hurt, but she says thats not an excuse pregnancy is not an illness and i shouldnt treat it that way. (i was being totally honest btw i was in agongy and being sick all the time)

She doesnt even tell us when she has a bug and my hsband will go over to see her, and she tells him when she gets there " oh ive got the shits and sickness bug" my hubby washes his hands and everything when he comes home but i ended up being ill that week, on the verge of being taken into hosptial because i couldnt keep anything down. But apparntly i just over react!

Sorry its so long and im gratful for anyone that actually manages to read it all lol.





   
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Re: Not sure where this goes - June 20th 2012, 04:25 PM

To be honest there isn't much you can do unless you go over there and take cleaning things with you and put your foot down saying this place needs cleaning, and helping her do it




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Re: Not sure where this goes - June 22nd 2012, 10:17 PM

It's time to put your foot down with your mother-in-law. There are websites like this one that talk about how to remove the smell of cat urine from carpet, laundry, etc. The problem is that the cat urine has probably soaked into EVERYTHING - you may need to go to the extreme and bleach the walls/floors. If it's REALLY bad, you may not even be able to salvage the house. Some homes have to be torn down because they're so unsanitary.

There's a small possibility that your mother-in-law either can't smell the cat urine (due to smoking) or has become so used to the smell that she doesn't notice it anymore. As cruel as this may sound, it's time to stop beating around the bush. Tell her the place stinks to high Heaven, and SHE stinks when she leaves the house. Offer to help clean the place, but make your "rules" very clear to her. If you happen to go out with her again (ex. to a pub)... well, this may sound REALLY cruel, but if you notice people giving you weird looks, perhaps you could ask them to describe what they're smelling. Your mother-in-law may be able to say you're overreacting, but a stranger, too? Something else you might want to consider is whether or not she could be suffering from a mental illness that's causing her to be delusional. How old is she? Is there any history of mental illness on your husband's side of the family?





   
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Re: Not sure where this goes - June 27th 2012, 11:25 PM

Thanks to both of you for replying, atm I can't go over as have a blood clot on my lung so the smell makes me cough a lot more, i do love cleaning atm so hoping it clears and will offer to help lol.

I'm not sure on the mental side of things, i mean she seems okay, minus the denying the smell, i hate to sound like a bitch but tbf if my house smelt of cat wee or i stank of cat wee, id be happy someone told me. She's 50 this year. I really just dont understand this women, my sister and her boyfriend go there (i know long story) and you can see they can smell it too, but they wont say anythingt hey just slag her off behind her back, i mean fair enough i know she doesnt like me and i dont really like her that much but i wouldnt go slagging her off without telling ehr first.

I told her using bleach attracts the tom cats to pee everywhere so shee stopped using it and started using white vinegar, that was in the old house. But now its like she has given up and doesnt care, If she just asked for a little help, id wear a mask and help her but she just wont accept it. gahh





   
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