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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MandaPanda Offline
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The one I hate has officially given me a reality check.. - April 9th 2009, 11:22 PM

Alright, so back in January, me and my best friend, samantha, stopped being friends. She had become very jealous because I had become VERY good friends with my current best friend bernice.

Ever since, samantha has been rude to me, telling people that I want to be her friend again, and has been saying stuff that isn't true. Today, however, she was telling bernice stuff that I had apperently said about her in the past summer, bernice talked to me about this after school, and I honestly didn't remember it AT ALL, but then, samantha started to fish through some old MSN conversations between her and I when we were still best friends. Apperently I DID say everything samantha had said I said about bernice, which shocked me, I didn't remember hardly any of it, although some of the stuff vaguly came back to me, and I took responsibility for everything. I apologized sooo many times, and I asked bernice if she still wanted to be friends with me. She said that the question of her not being friends with me hadn't even entered her mind, (meaning she still wanted to be friends with me), and I'm over the moon about that, even though I definietly don't deserve it. I apologized and took complete responsibility for everything I had said, whether I remembered it or not, and believe me, I said so VERY mean and hurtful things.

So after that, bernice and I were talking as if nothing had happened, and everything was fine, but I still feel very guilty. I know she's still a bit mad or hurt, or both, and I feel like I owe her, and I do, because I shouldn't have ever said any of the things I had apperently said.

Which brings me to my series of questions:
What should I do about bernice? Get her flowers, maybe (we're like that we get each other gifts often)? Or should I just let time pass, and hope that bernice fully forgives me for everything that I had said.

What should I do about samantha? Because she honestly is warping things so much and trying to ruin my life so badly, it's like her new hobby. Everyday she's been trying to manipulate me, and trying to ruin my life, it hasn't been working, but it's annoying to know that she's trying.

Oh by the way, my other supposed friend was backing up samantha completely. She's basically just one of those friends that stays in the sidelines and who'll agree to anything and everything just to stay out of drama. Should I just cut her off too?

Help me!!

Last edited by MandaPanda; April 10th 2009 at 12:05 AM.
   
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Re: The one I hate has officially given me a reality check.. - April 10th 2009, 01:01 AM

Hey there,

First of all, you are one lucky person to have such a good friend like Bernice, and I think you know that. And she is a lucky friend to have you.

You can't change what you said all that time ago. Gifts, although a nice gesture, can't change that. It sounds like Bernice knows you care about her already, and you've done all you can to apologize. She knows that you don't think those things anymore and that you're good friends. If you think a gift and another apology would help, then I think it would be a nice gesture, but not crucial in her forgiving you. Try going someplace fun with her for a day and hanging out with her. I'm sure she'll appreciate that more than a gift.

And good job with ignoring that other girl! Keep it up. That's all you can do to stop her. If she realizes it's no use and it's not bugging you, then she'll stop.

Nat.


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Re: The one I hate has officially given me a reality check.. - April 10th 2009, 05:57 AM

hey manda.

you know one thing: this means that bernice is sincerely a TRUE friend this is because she knows that the present counts more and she sees you as who you are now, and who you are now is a very good and nice friend of hers.

and as for samantha, you have to let her know that you still cherish the relationship with her. It's kind of an everyday thing to see friendships go out the window because one person starts to get jealous when their friends starts getting closer to someone else. It is NOT your fault because you've the right to befriend anyone you want to befriend , and never forget that.

and your other friend who wants to stay out of the drama can probably be ignored.. because if she wants to stay out of the drama and not be involved in anything , she probably does not see your friendship as worth keeping. Just remember that your friendship with bernice is something that's veery important

BUT i sincerely believe your friendship with samantha can still be restored. You just have to convince her and tell her that you still view her as her friends.. and tell her that especially in real life:

true friends, NEVER drift apart because of something like this

always ready to help, no matter what happens update us on whatever happens ..

and btw, gifts are a good gesture, but you could still always show your friendship through more subtle gestures and stuff (aka. writing her a letter how much you cherish her and how you truly appreciate her still being friends with you)


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Last edited by Darrenboy!; April 10th 2009 at 06:18 AM.
   
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Re: The one I hate has officially given me a reality check.. - April 10th 2009, 01:54 PM

thank you all very much!!!! Bernice seems to be fine now, although I think time will make our friendship better, and I think I'm going to talk to samantha, she needs to stop trying to destroy me x] I have gotten many opinions on this and I feel SOOOO much better about it.. and now samantha has absolutly nothing on me
Thank you all very much!! <3
   
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Re: The one I hate has officially given me a reality check.. - April 10th 2009, 04:00 PM

Hi Manda,

I'm really glad it's working out so well between you and Bernice. Time really will help your friendship grow stronger, and that's something I bet she knows as well.

As for Samantha, I think it's good that you want to talk to her about this, but be careful not to give her a reason to keep bugging you. I think for the most part it would be better to ignore what she is saying.

Since you've got this sorted out, I'm going to close this. Feel free to PM me any time

Nat.


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