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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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RyceMeleton Offline
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Trouble With Friends - July 28th 2012, 08:54 PM

My best friend and I have known each other since 7th grade and I love her to pieces, we can laugh just by looking at each other. Everyone always says that we're long lost twins, and that we were made to be friends and things like that. Well, a while back (and I do mean a while back-like 8th grade) she begged me to go on the water slide with her, I didn't want to, but I did anyway because she really wanted to go slide with me. Well, after another friend of mine told me that she heard my best friend say that i could have gone farther if I wasn't so fat. i didn't want to ruin the entire day, so I just avoided talking to her too much and hung out with others. I never told her about that, and i'm not sure why.

Then in 9th grade we just stopped talking to each other all together, because I got really tired of her rubbing the fact that she had a boyfriend in my face and always talking about him all the time. I left a note in our locker telling her we needed to talk, she responded back, but we never really talked about it. We just sort of became friends again.

Occasionally, when we hang out or text I think about all of this and it makes me feel awful...she's a very nice perso, but how nice can she be if she talks about me, and others, behind their backs? Reently we hung out together with another friend and she whisered to me how she was mad that our other friend, lets all her Cat, might like her current boyfriend. I told her of course she didn't, and I was honestly a little upset with it.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I don't want to keep feeling like this...and I want her to stop thinking everyone wants to be like her or wants her boyfriend.
   
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Re: Trouble With Friends - July 28th 2012, 10:05 PM

You could always confront her with the issue, just let her know that it bothers you that she is constantly saying mean things about people and acting like they all have some issue with her or her bf. Her behaviour is the sort of thing that can majorly affect a friendship so it would be worth bringing up.




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Re: Trouble With Friends - July 29th 2012, 05:56 PM

Hi.

Like what has bubble bee has said you should confront her about everything. You didn't tell your best friend about what your other friend has told you about her saying ''You would've gone further if you wasn't so fat'' Maybe you was scared of losing your friendship with her and she is the best thing that has ever happened to you yea? Tell her about the water slide and ask her was it true of what she has said about you. Always tell her to be honest with you because if she isn't honest then your friendship with her is dead. Your thoughts and your feelings matters. She needs to stop talking horrible things about other people and you. Learn her what is right. Your best friend talking to you about her boyfriend all the time is a sign where she really loves her boyfriend and wants to talk to her best friend about it because i think all girls do when they have boyfriends but if it bugs you allot then talk to her about it and say your okay listening to her talking about her boyfriend now and again but not all the time and you would like to talk about something different that you and your best friend haven't talked about. You come out with everything and what you think. If she was really a mate she would listen, understand and change because she cares how this upsets you. If she doesn't and blames you etc then lose the friendship with her. I'm sorry your going through this. Friends never talk behind other friends backs.

Last edited by Cassie999; July 29th 2012 at 06:34 PM.
   
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Re: Trouble With Friends - July 29th 2012, 06:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by RyceMeleton View Post
Well, after another friend of mine told me that she heard my best friend say that i could have gone farther if I wasn't so fat.
This little tidbit I think is the crucial part. Someone who is supposedly your best friend poking fun at you and making jokes about your weight behind your back is just about the least deserving of "best friend" status as it's possible to be.

Personally I think you should confront her about her behavior and then let her know that you are owed a sincere apology from her whenever she's ready to give it, and until then you two should go your separate ways. This is where you should also start looking for real friends that will be there for you and won't treat you like this "best friend" does.
   
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Re: Trouble With Friends - July 30th 2012, 08:58 PM

While I do agree that you should bring up concerns with your friend, I also feel like you may be focusing a little too much on the negative aspects of this friendship. For example, even if the "fat" comment was true, it happened in 8th grade. That was YEARS ago - don't you think your friend might have matured a little bit over time? I'm not saying that what your friend said or did in the past is okay, but it may not be very productive to bring up something that happened so long ago. Instead, I think it would be more effective to focus on what is going on now.

How often does your friend make comments like the one you mentioned near the end of your post? If it's happening all the time, then yes, definitely tell her how her negative comments are affecting your mood and the friendship as a whole. If it's an occasional remark, though, then I think your friend may deserve a little bit of leeway. No one is perfect. Everyone says hurtful things from time to time, or they express some paranoia, or they do something because they are worried/scared.

You said she's a nice person, but she talks behind people's backs from time to time. Well, unfortunately, that DOES happen, and it doesn't necessarily mean that person is a bad friend. A brief discussion about how you don't want to be affected by her negativity might be all that is needed in order to make this friendship even stronger!






   
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Re: Trouble With Friends - July 30th 2012, 09:04 PM

It seems I didn't catch that the "fat" comment happened a long time ago. So with that in mind, I agree with PSY above.
   
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