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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Amorphous. Offline
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Question I Just Don't Get It, Why..... - August 8th 2012, 09:47 AM

Hey, what's happening, guys. Sorry about the length of this, it is still easy to read and the second half is unnecessary anyway.

Alright, so here's the thing. I have had this problem for so long and yet I could never understand it. Unapologetically, I am a friendly guy, I am a happy, smiley, friendly guy, PM me and find out .

Anyway, this might sound stupid or whatever, but people aren't really friendly back.

For example, if I just say "hi" or "morning" to someone walking down the street or down the stairs or whatever, they would walk right past me, which is a hit to the face, it hurts a little bit.

And I know commentors will probably say something like "it isn't really cool or necessary to say 'hi' to randoms anyway and it could startle people", but yeah...

But even people at school, some of them aren't really socially cooperative, like I would be all like "hey, you know if the guys are studying tomorrow?" and they would be all like "I don't know", sort of blankly and you can tell they think it is sort of wierd to be so happy and loud and hyper and that.

How come people think my hyperness and happiness and friendliness is somehow wierd, I don't get it?

.

H.

P.S. Isn't it ironic that in this thread I sound way less happy than I usually do .

...

Some people think it is wierd, some people complete evade me altogether! Just before I go, and this is completely unrelated to that hyperness topic, but I want your thoughts on this...

I lost a friend last year, don't even 20% know why she left me, a mate of hers told me the most important reason and then said "there are HEAPS of other reasons I don't want to tell you". It murdered me (Palpitations, near fainting about 400,000 times, emotional torture) and I got therapy. Now I'm fine. I am living proof. It gets better.

Anyways, picture this. I am walking out of the Department of Welfare, walking down, she is dancing, preparing for her dance exam (this is about eight months since I recovered, over a year since I lost her). I am about fourty, fifty metres away at this stage, easily.

Get this, she figures out is me walking towards her, packs up her stuff, walks up the stairs, twenty metres away now, she kits up again and then continues practising five metres above me.

She was trying to avoid me from fourty metres away *shakes head*.

*sighs*, I don't understand it.

I don't care anymore, but I still don't understand it -.-....


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.

Last edited by Amorphous.; August 8th 2012 at 09:53 AM. Reason: More EMOTICONS!
   
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Re: I Just Don't Get It, Why..... - August 10th 2012, 05:02 AM

Well, depending on where you live, making eye contact with and greeting strangers can be appropriate or "inappropriate." For example, I live in a quiet neighborhood. People enjoy walking their dogs in groups, and everyone is generally very polite. It's perfectly acceptable for me to make eye contact, smile, and say "hello" to one of my neighbors, even if I don't know a thing about them (and have never even seen them before!). In fact, just a few hours ago, I saw a man walking his dog. We made eye contact, and he smiled, so I greeted him. We then kept talking in the same direction, and when he turned around, I asked if his dog was a Malamute (I was right). The conversation was very brief and not very personal, but it was still enjoyable. =) On the flip side, my maternal grandfather lives in Manhattan (New York City). You do NOT make eye contact with strangers in Manhattan. I can't really explain why, but you just don't do it. I put "inappropriate" in quotation marks because, technically, it's still nice to greet people; however, it's not generally accepted as a "normal" thing to do, and you might even receive a negative response (for example, someone might feel threatened or think you're a "crazy person").

Guess what? School/college can be one of those places where it's "inappropriate" to randomly greet strangers. You may not like it, but that's how it is. It's not something to take personally - it's just something to accept. Your greeting may be "appropriate" for friends, for certain classmates, for co-workers, and even for customers (depending on what your job is); however, it may be "inappropriate" for someone you don't really know. I mean, I'll be honest with you: if a strange man came up to me and started talking to me, I'd mumble a greeting, look away, and get the heck out of there (subtly, if possible). Why? Because based on my past experiences, the people who do that aren't quite "right" in the head (alcoholic homeless man who suffered from schizophrenia), or they have ulterior motives (asking me to donate money/sign a petition/join their organization). Those people may be very nice... but it doesn't mean I want to keep interacting with them for any longer than I need to. I'm suspicious - and sadly, that's how many people are when a stranger approaches them and is "overly" friendly. It's suspicious, and there isn't really anything you can do to change that!

As for your friend... who cares? Obviously, she has two problems: she can't communicate when she's upset with you, and she can't "get over" you (and whatever you supposedly did or didn't do). For many people, the easiest way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is to avoid it... which is exactly what she did when she moved away from you. Is it ridiculous? Yes! Does it really matter? In my opinion, no, it doesn't. You received therapy in order to take care of things on your end, and that's what really matters. Maybe she'll get over "it" with time, maybe she just needs to mature... but whatever happens, it's not something worth wasting your time on. Let her problems be her problems. =P

I have a final note about being "hyper," as you described it. That can, in fact, be a turn-off for some people. I am personally a "quiet" person, so I don't like it when people are suuuper energetic around me (it's fun every now and then, but not on a daily basis). Other people may actually be SCARED by your "hyperness," and see it as threatening/intimidating in some way (think of a nervous animal - instead of shouting and running toward it, you would slowly walk up to it and use a calm, soothing voice). It seems everyone says you should "be yourself" and that you "shouldn't change who you are," but that doesn't mean you can't "tone it down" based on the situation you're facing. Maybe you need to work on reading people a little bit better, and adjust how "hyper" you are based on how receptive they seem to be to your "hyperness."






   
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