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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Damaged Demon Offline
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Exclamation why don't they understand - August 11th 2012, 11:53 AM

So I recently came out to my 2 "Bestfriends" and told them I was a lesbian. My friend Telia was okay with it, she understood me and carried on like normal and I was REALLY happy that she hasn't treated me differently. But my other friend Jala kinda didn't take it well, she kinda was in denial about it, she tried telling me I wasn't and that i was lying to her. We have started to drift apart since then, and we always seem to fight about everything. She seems to treat me like a "Freak" and she got up me for breaking up with my boyfriend because of my sexuality. She has started to drag my other to friends away from em so they don't talk to me or associate with me. Since this has started happening i have been sectioning myself off from everyone.

About 3 months back I was diagnosed with an extreme case of paranoia and a serious case of depression. I was told to go see a psephologist, She told me to tell my friends so they understood if I was a bit down, and Jala and Telia started having a go at me because I don't even know why.

I don't understand why they are treating me so oddly. I mean i thought they were genuine friends of mine. Why don't the understand .
I just want them so treat me like normal again :/

P.S I know Jala isn't a homophobic because she has a Gay family friend and she is really nice to him so I don't understand why she's odd to me

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Re: why don't they understand - August 11th 2012, 08:20 PM

Hey there,

Unfortunately, sometimes when we tell someone something, they don't always take it the way we wish they would. I really suggest talking to your friends about how you feel, tell them that you don't want this to get into the way of your friendship and you really would love to continue to be there friends. A true friend would understand this and try to fix things between you guys. If your friends don't go for it, or continue doing this to you, they're not worth it and you're better off finding some real friends who will accept you for who you are.

You are amazing no matter what, it doesn't matter what your sexuality is, you should still be treated as a friend. I hope that everything works out between your friends, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! Good luck!

"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
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Re: why don't they understand - August 13th 2012, 05:23 PM

If Jala isn't homophobic (based on what you've observed with her family friend), then maybe she's upset over the perceived abruptness of the switch from heterosexual to homosexual. I mean, you had a boyfriend and never said anything about being a lesbian before (maybe you never even told Jala you were uncertain about your sexuality). Suddenly, you're telling Jala you're not what she thought you were, you're breaking up with your boyfriend (which was probably difficult for the both of you), and Jala may feel that it's all "wrong," because it doesn't "fit" with what she's always thought was "right." In her mind, it may seem "right" for you to stop "lying" about your sexuality and get back together with your boyfriend, so that everything can be "normal" and everyone can be "happy" again.

Who diagnosed you with paranoia and depression? Was it a psychological professional (or someone who is qualified to diagnose people with mental illnesses)? Discovering someone has a mental illness can be just as shocking as discovering someone's true sexual identity. It may be harder for your friends to adjust to the news about your mental illnesses because it's following so closely with the announcement of your being a lesbian. You're asking your friends to process a lot of new (and shocking) information in a relatively short period of time, so it's understandable they would have a difficult time coping with it. Unfortunately, sometimes people cope with difficult information by avoiding it - and that's led to them avoiding you, which isn't right.

I feel your best approach would be to pull each friend aside and talk to them one-on-one, starting with the friend you feel closest to and ending with Jala. Instead of accusing them of abandoning you, ask how they're coping with all this new information. Ask if they have any questions, and if there is anything you can do to help them feel more comfortable around you. Hopefully, reaching out to them in that way will allow your friends to slowly start treating you "normally" again. Jala may not want to have this conversation with you, but at least you can get everyone else (or a few close friends) to realize how they've been hurting you, and give them a chance to make things right with you again.

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