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Arrow Gee, thanks grandma - August 11th 2012, 09:54 PM

Well, my grandma was here for a visit afew days ago. The thing is, she's slightly verbally abusive. I really wanted to go to a goth store while we were downtown. I had never been there before so I wanted to check it out. Well it's for older goths. I didn't get anything because it's also about 200 $ for jeans. But some of the stuff was good. But my grandma scrunched her nose and said, loudly, " I think alot of SLUTS shop here!" I let it go cuz I knew my mom would hear about it if I said something. Later when she was gone, I found out she talked to my mom saying she wasn't a good parent for letting me shop there and letting me be goth and pagan. I know she loves me but I feel bad for my mom cuz she has to hear about it. And it makes me wonder If my other relatives feel the same about my being goth and pagan. I feel like my family doesnt accept me anymore and would rather me be a " normal" girl than a goth girl. Now I've started wondering if some of my relatives actually accept me at all.
   
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Re: Gee, thanks grandma - August 13th 2012, 05:32 PM

It's not uncommon for family members to want their children to be "normal." I mean, think about it for a moment. Not everyone is accepting of "goths" or pagans. There are many misconceptions about the two, and as a result, you may face some discrimination over the course of your life. Your family recognizes that, so in an effort to protect you from those threats, they may want you to be "normal." In order to be "normal," though, it means denying one or more aspects of your identity. Your initial reaction may be to lash out at or become upset with your family members, but try to see where they're coming from as well. Not only do they want you to be "safe" and "successful," but they may also be battling with those misconceptions so many people have.

In regards to the "slut" comment, I would probably let that go. To be honest, I think far too many 14-year-olds DO dress like "sluts." The comment may not have been personal - she may have simply seen a few questionable articles of clothing and thought about how she wouldn't want you to wear them.

Unfortunately, you can't possibly know what's going through your relatives' heads unless you have a conversation with them about your "goth" and pagan identities. Your grandmother seems to have been pretty vocal about how she feels, so you can either accept that or try to alter the way she thinks about being "goth" and pagan. Generally, that means educating someone about what it means to be "goth" or pagan. You can look up information online and even talk about the common myths about being "goth" or pagan (for example, "All 'goths' are suicidal," and "All pagans worship Satan"). Your grandmother may not want to have this conversation, but other family members may be willing to listen and may become more accepting of your identity/lifestyle afterward (if they weren't already accepting of it).






   
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