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xxxskittlesxxx Offline
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my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 11th 2009, 01:27 PM

shees such a heartless bitch!!!
every week she comes home with a face on her and goes "have you been smoking? have you being doing ..... or .... or .....?"
i never do everything she lists but still she dont believe me!
she doesnt trust me one bit!
my stupid boyfriend sent a txt to my mum instead of one of his mates use mums phone so thats the number he has got) saying something about weed and getting stoned and sleeping in bed with someone.
he has been caught out not only by me but my mum thinks its directed to me , so now she thinks i was drinking and taking drugs last night and wont let me ever see my mates again.
i would NEVER do drugs!!!!!!
i'm jsut so sick of her and my dad i just cant live here anymore , wen i finaly explained to her that it was sent to the wrong person she was trying to be all nice to me. i cant take it!!!!!! i HATE it when someone is like that , all nasty and shit faced one minute , and when they realise they was in the wrong first , all nice to you.
she shouldnt accuse me straight away!!!!! she still thinks i'm keeping something from her because i started crying. i started crying because she accused me of something she knows i wiould never do. and she goes
"well who knows what you do? never thaought you would smoke ciggaretts but you do? whoos to say your not smoking anythign else?"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
i dont belong in this family


You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,


I AM A BANANA



imi , sophie , me
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
sphynx Offline
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Re: my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 12th 2009, 08:24 AM

Hey there Sophie.

I want to respond to the specific event before I cover the issue as a whole, and I want you to imagine being in her shoes and try to see where she's coming from. You're already suspicious about what your daughter's been up to, you're already concerned for her, and then you get this text that mentions drinking, drugs and plans to sleep with someone else. How do you think you'd react if you got a text like that? The reason she reacted in the way that she did is because she cares about your safety and well-being. Parents don't always show that in the best of ways, but that doesn't mean their intention isn't there. Had she treated it flippantly, then I would question her as a parent. Being said, to address the issue of not liking it when someone gets angry and then starts treating you nicely after they've been proved wrong... I feel you're being a little bit hard on her. She was concerned, she was worried, she was worked up, and I understand that the fact she thought you were lying to her hurt you, but you have to understand that she was under the influence of the text she'd received and that no teenager is going to come out with "Oh yeah, ma, I've been into sex, drugs and alcohol for a while now. I'm surprised you didn't catch me sooner!" And to be honest, I'm sure you have been in situations before where you've gotten angry only to find out it was a big misunderstanding, and I'm sure you went back to treating the man or woman who was on the end of that misunderstanding nicely and maybe even somewhat apologetically. What I gather from it is not that she's a two-faced bitch, but that she felt bad for accusing you of lying to her and wanted to make it up to you in the best way she knew how. Parents aren't perfect. They're going to fuck up same as we do.

Considering this situation from a more general perspective, I feel you probably need to try talking to your mother about how you feel and about what's going on in your head. I don't mean yell at her and I don't mean get upset and cry about it. I mean sit her down and actually talk to her through way of an adult conversation. I feel you need to tell her that you understand she's concerned about you but that you're a good kid and you make good choices. Assure her that you're not into the scene of sex and drugs and booze, and tell her that you would really appreciate it if she could try trusting you more. Perhaps you could even ask her why she doesn't trust you and apologise to her if ever you've given her reason to doubt. It would be better if you could do this calmly and collectively because she'll be more likely to feed off of that mood. The issue of smoking was brought up, so I'm going to assume you've either had a problem with smoking before, you still smoke now or that she caught you when you were experimenting with cigarettes. I feel you should also tell her you're not smoking anymore and maybe even list some reasons why and what you learned that made you stop.

The thing is, she cares about you. Doesn't seem it now, but she does. I think your communication needs to be improved, and I should hope that's something you're both willing to work on.

xo Claire





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Re: my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 12th 2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxskittlesxxx View Post
shees such a heartless bitch!!!
every week she comes home with a face on her and goes "have you been smoking? have you being doing ..... or .... or .....?"
i never do everything she lists but still she dont believe me!
she doesnt trust me one bit!
my stupid boyfriend sent a txt to my mum instead of one of his mates use mums phone so thats the number he has got) saying something about weed and getting stoned and sleeping in bed with someone.
he has been caught out not only by me but my mum thinks its directed to me , so now she thinks i was drinking and taking drugs last night and wont let me ever see my mates again.
i would NEVER do drugs!!!!!!
i'm jsut so sick of her and my dad i just cant live here anymore , wen i finaly explained to her that it was sent to the wrong person she was trying to be all nice to me. i cant take it!!!!!! i HATE it when someone is like that , all nasty and shit faced one minute , and when they realise they was in the wrong first , all nice to you.
she shouldnt accuse me straight away!!!!! she still thinks i'm keeping something from her because i started crying. i started crying because she accused me of something she knows i wiould never do. and she goes
"well who knows what you do? never thaought you would smoke ciggaretts but you do? whoos to say your not smoking anythign else?"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
i dont belong in this family
Consider it from her perspective. She comes home, is worried/concerned about your well-being, so either she gives daily drug tests or she asks you. However, she then gets the text message and is annoyed as well as concerned. So, you tell her it was a mistake, it wasn't meant to her, and what is she to believe? In the interest of your well-being, thinking you did do drugs and such is better because what if you actually did and she waved it off? This way may not be too fair to you, however, it's the most cautious and safest route. Would you like it if suppose you did want help, you were doing drugs and she just ignored it?

I think all of what you are doing is a complete over-reaction to her being concerned. She's not in your head, she sees what is overt, and if you know you don't do drugs, well that's fine for you but how is she to know? Parents are humans, and humans are far from perfect. All I see in this is a caring, concerned mother and a teenage girl whining immaturely over not getting her way. Relax, quit the temper tantrum and look things through instead of looking at them superficially and screaming away.
   
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xxxskittlesxxx Offline
helloooo :D
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Re: my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 12th 2009, 03:09 PM

nooo u dont understand , shees allways doing this , shees allways putting me in the wrong like i'm a screwed up child!


You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,


I AM A BANANA



imi , sophie , me
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
sphynx Offline
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Re: my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 12th 2009, 08:26 PM

Which is why I asked if you've ever had a talk about it. Sometimes that's a parent's way of saying "I'm checking in because I care about you and I'm concerned about your safety and well-being."

xo Claire





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Re: my mum makes me want to kill myself - April 13th 2009, 09:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxskittlesxxx View Post
nooo u dont understand , shees allways doing this , shees allways putting me in the wrong like i'm a screwed up child!
I'm pretty sure I do understand. Put it this way: if she indeed was a heartless bitch, then she wouldn't care about you. But, she does, she comes home, she may not be using the best approach but nevertheless, she's concerned and wants to know how you are. On the other hand, you have a temper tantrum, either during or after she's done asking, so it makes her curious: why would you be so defensive to something you don't do? If I were in her shoes, I'd think that you were hiding something. Maybe you're not hiding anything, however, to her, how will she know other than by asking you?

Then, in the midst of all this, she gets that text message. You saying she wasn't meant to be the recipient would put her on guard and think you're lying or denying it. You may not be, however, from her perspective, it would seem like you are. So, why should she let you see your friends that engage in that? A heartless bitch wouldn't mind but a concerned parent would. Then, after that, you have a temper tantrum, and to her, she sees her teenage daughter behaving very immaturely.

Tell me, if you were the mother, what would you do? Don't give the little lines of "Well I'm not" or "I'd let her go". Pretend you don't know her side and you only know what your mother is seeing from you. Put yourself in her shoes and then see. That would be the mature thing to do, the immature thing is exactly what you're doing, having a temper tantrum like a 5 year old because you cant play with your little friends. Why should a mother who cares and is concerned let her possibly drug-using, immature daughter run around wild with her friends?

She's concerned, she cares and you're having temper tantrums and whining because you cant have your way. The way she may be approaching it may not be the best, however, she still is caring and concerned.
   
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