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Mzpipebomb Offline
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How do I finally move forward? - August 18th 2012, 12:10 AM

I haven't been on here awhile and was just looking for some really good advice to help me out.

Ok, when I was 12, I met someone was automactically like a father figure to me. We grew real close, He is from Penn. and I live in Tn and how we met is that he is my step-uncle's brother. Me, My step-uncle and my aunt used to make trips up there, Until my 7th grade year, I had stopped going up there because somewhere along the line, me and my step-uncle's nephew(My step-uncle's brothers son) became girlfriend and boyfriend and then things went south and we broke up so I stopped going on trips with my aunt and step-uncle to visit because it was a bad break up. It wasn't the distance it was because we were fighting. But before all that got started,I had developed a close bond with with my step-uncle's brother, He was there when there was no one else. We were bestfriend/father-daughter relationship

Well fast forward to the summer after my 8th grade year, I got a phone call from my aunt while I was on vaction with my best friend at the time letting me know that my step-uncle's nephew was coming. My aunt had already addressed it to me that he had forgiven me and everything. Well, I had moved up to Pennsylvaina with my aunt and step-uncle. It was great again because I missed my step-uncle's brother so much and we rekindled our bond. It was all great living with my aunt and step-uncle until they got into a fight and my aunt, my cousins and I left to back go to Tn before my nineth grade year was over. Well, I had not saw my step-uncle's brother ever sense.

However, I did get in touch with him through facebook last year but we stopped talking for some reason. But when I sent him the friends request and a message at the same time, He had told me that he missed me and always thought the world of me and he loved me like a daughter. Well we were going to go visit after years of not visiting but a big fight happened and my step-uncle andhis family haven't spoken sense and on top of that last year my aunt and step-uncle got divorced.

I did get over missing him after I moved back home from pennsylvaina but thought about him from time to time and it maked me really sad. I feel like since my step-uncle,my aunt and my step-uncle's family are not on good terms I will never see my step-uncle's brother again.Out of the blue, I keep thinking about him and starting to miss him a lot for last the couple of days and this is the first I've thought about him a long time. I feel he misses me too but we lost all connections. Even back in those two years between 7th and 8th grade I missed him when I was away. It was very confusing to accept me as a long lost daughter but yet stopped talking to me over facebook last year after not seeing him since 2007 Everytime I think about my step-uncle's brother I cry...and relive the memories in my head. This is the man who filled in for the father I never had. What should I do?

Last edited by Mzpipebomb; August 18th 2012 at 01:01 AM.
   
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Re: How do I finally move forward? - August 24th 2012, 07:32 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. =( Break-ups and divorces can certainly get in the way of having relationships with other family/step-family/family-in-law members, and it's unfortunate.

I take it your step-uncle's brother is an adult? If so, it is ultimately his choice on whether or not he wants to keep in touch with you, despite the "bad blood" between some of your family members. Frankly, I think people from both families would understand his desire to mentor you, and your desire to have a mentor. If they want to hold it against him (or you), then that's something you'll both have to think about when weighing the pros and cons.

Have you ever told your step-uncle's brother just how important he is to you? There's a chance he hasn't kept in touch with you because he doesn't realize just how much he means to you... that could change if you told him the truth! Also, some people just aren't fans of Facebook - I know most of my family members prefer to keep in touch via phone calls. You could always contact him on Facebook or by other means and ask which he would prefer to use.

Worst-case scenario, your step-uncle's brother may not be interested in maintaining a relationship with you, for any number of reasons. If that happens, you'll feel terrible, but you'll find a way to move on and replace that father figure in your life. It may not happen right away, but if you open up your heart to other potential mentors, it can happen sooner than you would expect it to. =) I know I'm STILL struggling to find that mother figure in my life, but I've met some great women along the way and have allowed them to serve as mentors in various ways.

I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to keep us updated!






   
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