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The Wedding I Wasn't Invited To!! - August 18th 2012, 08:14 PM

My cousin who is 26 years old is/was my best friend. I'm 21 and we have ALWAYS been super close. One: Because she lived 5mins away from me. And we would always talk about EVERYTHING. She wasn't too good with keeping guys because she was kinda' "fast" but she finally found a guy that she fell for pretty quickly. I was happy for her of course but I didn't know 6 months after they would decide to get married. I have only met the guy TWICE and it was very brief. He has never came around our family and had no intention to. My cousin and her mom(my aunt) have had problems. My aunt has worked her ass off for her whole life to take care of my cousin and her younger sibilings. So, yes she was 26 still living at home. Economy is bad as hell right now, so.. lol. My cousin would help out her mother ALL THE TIME. Helping pay bill because my aunt was struggling. Then when she started dating her guy/now husband she stopped helping her mom. It came to the point where there was no food in the house and my younger cousins would not have food in the house to eat because my 26 year old cousin's guy/now husband put in her head that its not her resposibility. Now, that I don't agree with... especially since she's living under her mother's roof and her mother is struggling.
Well, skipping the story ... My cousin got married friday. And no one in the family not even me knew about it. I'm super upset with her and disappointed that she's moving away with a guy she hardly knows and hardly knows her family or wants to know. Her mom(my aunt) is hurt and it hurts me more because we are all close. I wanted to write a letter to my cousin explaining how furious i am with her and how I DONT want to be a part of her new life. It seems as though my cousin has found a NEW family because she didn't even invite her OWN to the wedding... not even me and we are super close. She didn't even mention it. And we talk everyday. I kinda fear that this guy could do anything to her once they move away. he could change right befor e her eyes.
Should I write this letter? or let it go? opinions would be nice to hear, btw.


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Re: The Wedding I Wasn't Invited To!! - August 24th 2012, 07:41 PM

Wow, that's a difficult situation to be facing. I'm so sorry to hear about how your cousin's decisions are affecting you and your family! Whether or not you want to write the letter is completely up to you. If you think it will help you gain closure and express yourself, then by all means, write the letter (another option would be to write the letter, but not send it and/or burn it afterward - it can be cathartic just to put the words down on paper).

I don't know your cousin nearly as well as you do, but it sounds like your cousin may be tired of her role within your family. I mean, she's 26 years old and caring for her mom/younger siblings. I'm not saying that's a good or bad thing... but I can understand that some people in her position might want to "escape" from an arrangement like that. If this guy swept in suddenly and offered to take care of your cousin, then I could see why she would be tempted to drop everything and leave your family to be with him. Unfortunately, there were better ways for her to handle that life transition - what she essentially did was abandon the family, financially AND emotionally. People can argue she didn't have a financial obligation to your family, but she certainly had an emotional obligation to her loved ones (including yourself!).

Your cousin is clearly going to live her new life however she sees fit. Maybe she'll find a balance in the near future and reach out to members of your family again, asking for your forgiveness. Maybe it will take her a few more years. Maybe she'll never be willing to admit she made a mistake. Maybe she'll stay with this guy for the rest of her life and live (more-or-less) "happily ever after." Maybe she'll leave him after some time has passed. Maybe she'll never leave him, but be unhappy with the relationship as a whole. At the end of the day, there are a lot of "maybes," and unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to make those "maybes" certainties in your eyes or your cousin's eyes. All you can do is hope for the best, and do whatever you need to do in order to take care of yourself.

I wish you and your family all the best! Feel free to keep up updated!






   
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