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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My mum is the biggest prick. - August 23rd 2012, 11:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know if this is triggering... But I am going to play it safe. I'd hurt so much to know I hurt someone here. <3

UGH. I can usually handle this stuff, because I've come to hate venting. But life is just TOO MUCH.

So I'm having a bad time, and my mum will hear none of it. She legitimately does not care.
And she treats my dad just so poorly. I've been having health/knee issues for the past four years. Four years ago, I hurt my knee in a football (soccer) accident. Mum forced me to keep walking/playing on it for the next three years. Finally my dad owned up and took me to the doctors. For the next year and a half, he had taken me to all of my doctors appointments, and nearly all of my physical therapy appointments.
When I got my concussion a year ago (it lasted for 5 months, and I have permanent vision and memory issues from it), he took me to ALL but may be 2 doctor appointments (and I have extensive tests and eye scans and many many specialists to go to) and 3 therapy appointments (I had to re-learn to walk and see the best I can).

And even NOW, she expects my dad to do SO much, and it's like.. Seriously, you incompetent witch? Like, I am going to my friends house after school tomorrow, and I will need a pick-up on Saturday. Extremely flexible times because her parents basically adopt me as their second child. She won't pick me up. Why? She doesn't WANT TO. What the FUCK?! My dad WORKS every day of the week, including the weekend! And, if I may add, pays a lot of her bills (they are divorced)!

Like.. WHAT?!?! I can't take this! I compensate for her a LOT around the house, and I basically parent myself (I honestly have no idea how to "act my age") and have to watch out for myself. Because who else will? I'm getting so fed up with this. I'm usually reasonable, but I just can't take all of this stress. I have health issues, I have to train for football (I should return this winter), I'm SUPER stressed for school, and I am struggling with an eating disorder. Like, thanks mum. I'm fine. Thanks for caring.



Last edited by PSY; August 24th 2012 at 08:18 PM. Reason: Added triggering prefix text to post.
   
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Re: My mum is the biggest prick. - August 24th 2012, 08:26 PM

Wow - you have a lot going on at the moment! I'm sorry to hear about your current situation, and I wish you all the best regarding your health issues!

This may seem like an obvious question, but have you communicated how frustrating all of this is to your mom? Some parents are very hands-off and into their own thing. It's selfish, but they may not realize how negatively it affects you. Your mom may be thinking, "Well, my husband seems to enjoy taking her places, and she enjoys being with her friend, so there's no rush in picking her up. Besides, she's a big girl, she can afford to wait. I have my own life to live." Selfish? Again, yes, but she may not realize just how selfish it is unless you point it out to her.

Of course, I wouldn't just say, "Mom, you're a selfish witch." You would accomplish absolutely nothing from doing that (aside from making her angry and damaging the relationship even further). Instead, I would appeal to her "mothering instincts": tell her that, although you're getting older and are able to take on more responsibilities, you still need "your mommy." I mean, unless your mom is completely and utterly "lost" to you, she should be able to understand that you have a desire to be connected with her, even as you approach adulthood. She may have backed off a little TOO much over the years, thinking you didn't need (or want) her anymore. Make it clear that's not the case - that you still love her and want her to be involved in your life!

Something else you could do is talk to your dad, and ask him if he's feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities he has regarding your care. If he admits to feeling overwhelmed, you could gently point out that your mom doesn't have as many responsibilities, and that if he asked her to help out, she probably would (whether or not she actually would is beside the point - the point is to encourage your dad to engage in conversation with your mom as well, so she's receiving gentle pressure from both sides of the family to change her ways and contribute more to the household). If your dad doesn't want to confront her, then that's his choice. As cold as this may seem, you can't blame your mom for everything when your dad isn't willing to communicate his needs to her.






   
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