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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Tristen
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i get blamed - August 24th 2012, 10:21 PM

i get blamed 4 everything in this stupid house. i hate mom. i hate hayden. no1 listens 2 me. hayden never gets blamed. all i was trying 2 do was build a skateboard ramp!!!!!!! im not even causing trouble or nothing.
   
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Re: i get blamed - August 27th 2012, 05:38 PM

Hey, Tristen! Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. =( Can you tell me a little more about this skateboard ramp you were trying to build? I'm not saying it's your fault - I'm just trying to see where the miscommunication between you and your mom happened. Did you ask her for permission first? Where did you try to build the skateboard ramp? Where did you get the materials for the ramp? Does your mom normally allow you to skateboard, or does she has certain restrictions in place? Is this the first time you've tried to build a ramp?

Oftentimes, we may feel something is okay to do, until we talk to someone and realize it's really NOT okay to do. For example, my former roommate used to record TV shows all day long, but I couldn't watch live TV while she was recording her TV shows. She didn't know this was a problem for me until I told her, though. Now, there was a part of me that thought, "You're smart, you should know this could be a problem for me!" Perhaps your mom is thinking along those lines as well - "You're smart, Tristen, you should know building a skateboard ramp isn't allowed!" You're not a mind-reader, though, and parents often make the mistake of assuming their child knows every rule/restriction in existence. Sometimes, the parents need to be very clear and specifically say what is and isn't allowed, and when they fail to do so, they need to remind themselves you don't know everything and can't possibly avoid breaking some rules unknowingly.

At 13, I imagine you'll have a hard time communicating with your mom; however, I encourage you to try! One thing you can do is apologize for trying to build the skateboard ramp. If you honestly didn't know it was against the rules, say so, and tell her you won't try it again, now that you know it's against the rules. You can then tell her you'll talk to her first before doing something big like that. I'm sure she'll appreciate your willingness to "check in" with her, to make sure what you want to do is not against the rules. In the meantime, you could ask your mom to be a little more understanding, as you can't possibly know everything that she wouldn't approve of. Explain you didn't mean to break the rules - you simply didn't know it was against the rules - and ask her to remember that it was an unintentional mistake the next time you do something like that. You have to hold up your end of the deal by continuing to talk to your mom about your ideas in advance, though!






   
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