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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Trying to let go of this anger. - August 28th 2012, 12:08 PM

I came to a new school at the age of fourteen. I made plenty of new friends. One particular one, A, had previously dated a boy who'd been flirting with me. At first it wasn't of any consequence because I wasn't interested, but later down the road I did want to date him, and she had said that their relationship was awkward and they were better off friends so I figured it was no big whiz. This ended up being a very serious relationship, we dated for two years and were barely able to break up with each other; we broke up because he always flirted with other girls and "got confused about what he wanted". This girl who had been my friend was one of them. I was very sad that we weren't good friends anymore, she's essentially a really nice person, but we pretty much quit being friends when I noticed he and her talked so much. They kissed when we broke up for like a few days, no one ever told me about it until one of her friends did. All the while, her sister who had also been my friend was calling me mean names and saying bad things about me and trying to get them back together.

Even after he moved an hour away and we were still together, they were in contact, and he had planned on going to their house the following weekend. At this point me and the girl had a nice sit down about how we used to be friends and it had been so awkward and yadayada. But this was ultimately why I left him. Ever since he was begging me and crying and making suicide threats; I told her I was concerned, and she said she would give me his mom's number if I ever needed it; twice, she made it sound like it was okay. Then this last summer, I needed it. I sent her a message on facebook saying, "I can't handle this whole situation with him by myself anymore, I need an adult, it's not too urgent, but I would appreciate it if you sent his mom's number when you can just incase I end up needing it." to which she said that she didn't feel comfortable doing so unless I told her what was going on. Shit, I've known both of them for three years now, it's really an understatement to say I was pissed. I didn't cuss at her, I just said I felt like that was an innapropriate thing to say and it's usually serious when someone says they need and I didn't understand why she didn't trust my judgement yadayada.

Now school has started again and she and I all have the same friends, and I don't know what to do. It's so awkward. I want to forgive her, her sister, and my ex but it's so hard. I only want to forgive them because I'm sick of thinking about it and being upset.

Last edited by PSY; August 30th 2012 at 01:21 AM. Reason: Moved to the "Friends and Family" forum.
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Re: Trying to let go of this anger. - September 5th 2012, 12:33 AM

Hey there! I'm really sorry about what happened with those three people. Unfortunately, what you're feeling is normal, and "normal" can't be "cured." I'm glad that you're working toward forgiving these people, but that doesn't mean things are going to be any less awkward when you're around them, and it certainly doesn't mean you'll ever be able to feel close to them or trust them again. You have the same group of friends, so you will definitely have to see them from time to time. With that being said, I CAN tell you I've been in similar situations in the past, and it CAN get easier with time. Focus on one-on-one conversations with other friends. Genuinely try to enjoy yourself. When I did those two things at social gatherings, I noticed that the people who had wronged me actually seemed to be very uncomfortable. I think they expected me to avoid them and eventually leave the event, and when I did, THEY started to feel out of place. Get on with your life, and enjoy it. These people are unpleasant, but they won't be around forever, and you will make peace with what they did eventually. It's just going to take time, and you can't afford to wait around for everything to be "normal" again. THIS, what you're experiencing right now, IS "normal."

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