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dont know what happened - August 30th 2012, 09:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so at the beginning of this summer. i was the dopest kid in school. in a couple schools to be honest. everybody loved me, there was never any drama, we all just chilled, and had a good time, just smokin weed, drinkin, poppin pills. every night we would just have fun like we always would. so obviously on july 4th i threw a party down at the beach where there was a huge festival with fireworks going on. all my friends were there, all chillin on a big blanket, (were talkin like 30 kids) so around like 9:30 the fireworks started, i was making out with a beautiful girl, thinkin "damn. this is the life." i looked around at all my homies, and was just thinking how great i had it.

somehow in the period of 2 months, it all disappeared. the beautiful girls, the weed, my homies, people i considered family. all gone. i dont know how it happened. somehow in the haze of all the weed smoke, eyes closed to the slit from xanax bars, they all left. i know it wasn't because of my drug use, because they were all users too. so what was it? why did they all leave me alone.

"when you up above the clouds like who gon touch me now" is all i was thinking, but it all is gone. i went from being on top, to absolutely nothing. nobody would care if i fell off the earth today. i have started getting more sloppy, i dont care about anything. all i ever do now is either lay in bed moping, or skate. i just fucking skate. its all i do. only thing that eases my mind. now im just that kid that everyone knows but never talks to.someone please help me.

i want someone to love, someone to just hold. someone to take away the pain of being alone. someone who really understands me. but i dont think its going to happen any time soon... i dont know how much of this makes sense, i just needed to get it out. i really dont know where things went wrong.....
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Re: dont know what happened - September 1st 2012, 07:15 AM

Welcome to TeenHelp!

Well, I could easily blame all of this on your drug use... but I won't. I'm sure it was a factor, but it probably doesn't explain why things happened the way they did. What did you do with your friends, aside from use drugs? When you make a friendship revolve around one thing, you risk losing that friendship when you no longer have that one thing in common. Perhaps these friends have gained new interests, and suddenly, they're not interested in hanging out with "that guy who's always on something." So now you have another interest: skateboarding. You can certainly meet people at skate parks and befriend them, but again, you need to make sure there's more than one thing holding you guys together.

Were your friendships all about "having fun" via drugs? Or was there ever any real substance to your friendships? Did you know your friends on a more personal level? Did they know YOU on a more personal level? Did you only make the effort to hang out with friends when it suited your needs? Or did you selflessly come to their aid when they needed a friend to be their emotional rock? Did your friends even feel comfortable enough to tell you when they needed help? These are all questions you can ask yourself, and my guess is that, as involved as you were in "having fun" with your friends, you neglected those friendships in other areas. That would make the friendships very weak, and all it would take was another more interesting person/hobby to draw those friends away from you.

If you haven't already done so, I would try contacting your friends one-on-one and ask them what happened. Perhaps they can provide specific insight into what areas of your friendships you need to work on. Maybe it's time to let go of this lifestyle, becoming sober/clean in order to develop higher quality friendships (again, I'm not saying drugs are the sole factor, but you can't deny that certain "types" of people are associated with certain drugs - maybe you can't count of those "types" of people to be good friends to you, and maybe other people can't count on you to be a good friend to them). Finally, stop moping. You found one interest (skateboarding), so go find a few more. When school starts up again, join a few clubs, talk to the people who sit around you, and you may be surprised as to how quickly you connect with them.

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