TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,647
Blog Entries: 155
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Need to make decisions! - September 7th 2012, 09:35 AM

Itís pointless trying to ignore it because sooner or later I WILL have to make decisions. I feel like I have no-one to go to, since the only people who know me properly donít really want to know.

First problem: Whether to live with my friends next year. I want to live with them because I get on with them, and they want me to. However, Iím not sure because of a few problems. My dad is terminally ill, so I donít want to move down to the city because I will see my dad less. I could come home on the weekends, but whatís the point in that? I donít know if my grant would cover it or if I would have to dip into my own money. I get bad stomach cramps if I donít exercise, whereas I walk a lot when living at home,but I wonít be doing much. I donít want my friends to be a bad influence on me since during first year they only read 2 of the books out of all the books we were studying and started missing a lot of lectures.

However, I donít know how my family would cope without me- they rely on me a lot i.e every Wednesday, my dad goes to the day centre, but the ambulance drops him back home anytime between 2:55 and 4:30, so because I get Wednesday afternoons off and my mum is in work and my brothers at school until 3:30, Iím here for my dad. There is no way of rearranging the day of the day centre or telling them to drop my dad off later. But at the same time, I feel like my mum is kind of controlling, and so it would be nice to get away from that. For example, Tuesday afternoons the sitter comes for my dad, whilst my mum works. My mum tells me to get back by 3:30 so the sitter can leave, she does this just in case the school bus for my brothers is late. I understand that, but yesterday I needed to go out shopping for new uni stuff. My dad is in respite and my brothers in school, and my mum in work, and yet she still tells me to get back by 3:30, because she didnít give my brother the house key.....but when she said this she was actually closing the front door after seeing my brothers off to cross the road to wait for the school bus in the morning. So clearly she had done it on purpose, because she could have told them to wait a second to go and get the key, since the bus wasnít coming for 10 mins.

I feel pressured to live with my friends since my friends want me to (though they donít know my situation), my mum just wants me out and she wants to use my room for storage (when if she cleared out her room, she wouldnít need to) and yet she is constantly telling me when to be back??? Not to mention basic problems like I donít know how to cook, or wash and iron clothes. Plus, Iím worried about my youngest brother who says he is ďdepressedĒ....I donít know about that but he has been quieter than usual and my other brother, might be dyspraxic...he is socially awkward, takes things too seriously and needs other people to make decisions for him e.g. he has a free period this morning and asked me what he should do, so I said go to the library and he said ďwhat, the one that is closed because its being redoneĒ (Iím not even at school anymore, I didnít know that!) so I said take a book in and read in the common room and he said that was a good idea. Why does he need people to tell him what to do at the age of 17?

Also, Iím friends with my former teacher, she doesnít know anything about my situation but I know she wants me to move out, because she thinks itís in my best interests. I want to ask her for advice, but since she doesnít know anything, itís kind of stupid. Which leads me onto my next problem....
I donít know whether or not I should tell my teacher friend about my situation. She has known me since I was little and we have kept in contact for 8 years, since I left primary. She might get suspicious as to why I havenít moved in with my friends, and I might have another problem to deal with later (Iíll explain this lastly). I want to tell her because she will understand why my life is boring, why I donít go on holiday, why I donít talk about family and I wonít have to lie to her. However, I donít know if I should since first of all she is busy and I donít want to add more stress to that, and she does have a happy life and I donít want to depress her. I donít actually know how she would react, so she could be annoyed at me for not telling her earlier. She canít do anything about my life, and she probably never will see my parents again, so what she doesnít know wonít hurt her? Iím not and never will be her responsibility, and she has no duty to care for me, so it might feel wrong to tell her. And I donít want her to start ignoring me or distancing herself from me, like in the case of someone else who was in a similar position. But at the same time, I feel that I someday may have to because last problem.....

....I want to go and see her sometime next year (probably the summer) and she might ask, generally, about my family, I donít want to lie to her, but at the same time, I canít tell her about my dad since I know I will cry. She emailed me months ago asking if I had finished uni and if I had any plans, it couldíve been a general question but it couldíve been a hint. I took it as a general question and so didnít go and see her. Now Iím afraid she might be annoyed at me, but Iím trying not to think about that. I didnít go and see her for 2 main reasons: 1) I wasnít ready and 2) I have no idea how I would see her.

I wasnít ready to see her because Iím not confident enough and I hate the way I look. I want a makeover but have no idea where to start and since itís hard for me to get out of the house, I canít buy clothes that I need etc. I have no idea how I would see the teacher partly because of how restricted I feel, that I have to get back by a certain time, and because if she wanted to go for coffee/dinner/drink then it makes things more complicated since I donít do those things. I also want to invite her to my graduation but I donít have to worry about that yet.

So yeah, I have all these problems buzzing around in my head and no idea what to do.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
00escada00 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
00escada00's Avatar
 
Name: Sarah
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Manchester, England

Posts: 54
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: September 6th 2012

Re: Need to make decisions! - September 8th 2012, 02:03 PM

Wow. That really is a lot of stuff to think about. From what you've said, it seems like your very concerned about what other people want you to do (you're friends want you to move in with them, your mum wants you to be there to help/ move out so she can have your room) and your responsibilities (helping your dad), but my question is, and as hard as it may be to do, imagine you live in the perfect world where you don't have any of these worries... what would you want to do?
Everyone has worries when they first move away from home because it is a big step and even if you decide not to do it now, you will do it one day and your family will somehow adapt.
If you're really concerned about moving though, you could always ask your friends if you could possibly move in with them next year as then you have more time to make up your mind.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,647
Blog Entries: 155
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Need to make decisions! - September 8th 2012, 02:46 PM

Hey, thanks for replying!

In the ideal world (my dad would be OK, I could cook and wash and iron etc.), the only worries I would have would be money and my grades. Money can be overcome, but I would be worried that my friends might have too much fun and let their grades slip. I wouldn't want to be the one who refuses to go out, just to do work, but I wouldn't want to be a sheep, following them and letting my grades slip. I've never had this problem before since I've never had a social life (sad, I know ). I think for the time being, I will watch what grades my friends get, to see whether or not they can balance work and fun.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
decisions, make

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.