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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Dad tried to kill me - September 7th 2012, 12:51 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know if this should go here so feel free to move it.
Okay, so this is practically the first time I've told this story, since I was too young to really remember it but now it's all I can think about.

Well, my dad grew up with only his dad, a truckdriver, his mum somewhere but when he was of legal age he found his mum and they hit it off, mainly because they both did the same drugs and drank a lot. So they connected and so this started a chapter in my fathers life. So, my mother and him didn't go to the same school but her younger brother and him were friends so Danny would go over to my mothers house a lot. He fell for her, hard, and she didn't agree immediately. He chased her for, I'm not sure about this, I think 2 or 3 years before she agreed, falling for him. So they dated, and on New Years eve, in a tent mind you, I was conceived I wasn't supposed to. My mother had bone cancer and had chemo which ruined her chances of being pregnant. Dad liked that, so did mum at that point. She didn't want kids. But, she got pregnant. When Dad found out, he and his mother both told her repeatedly to get an abortion. But, mum had realised she had wanted a child afterall, and loved me too much to get rid of me. [I'm sure she made a mistake now]. Anyway. so 9 months later, I was born. Dad nearly missed my birth, he was drunk as a skunk, clubbing. But he did come and he held me, I have photos and it looks like he's crying :')
But, when he took drugs he went crazy, luckily he had only drunk on this night.

Anyway, 8 months later, my dad came home after being at his mother's, they'd been smoking pot. Real responsible, right? Anyway, my mum could hear him swearing, she was afraid, she had seen his rage attacks at times, in fact he'd tried to push me in front of a moving train and both of us had fallen onto the tracks :/
So mum hid a phone in my room, hearing a crash. He's put his fucking fist through the garage door. Drugs make you fucking strong, mum told me. But she let him in, he was red faced, but kept telling her it was going to be alright and that she should leave him and me on our own. She refused and he hit her. He walked through the house but she sat on the ground, panting with anger. He returned, nothing had happened so far but Dad was smart. He started on mum, telling her to fuck off and all this. So she ran to my room, locked the door and went for the phone. But, as I said, Dad had been smart, and well, my mum is predictable. He'd snatched the phone so she was alone with me, my dad pounding at the door, nearly breaking it. Finally he went away. My mum took me in her arms and ventured out. Bad move. He was in the living room, flicking a blade closed and then open, repeating. he got up, pushed her into a wall and put a knife to her throat, threatening to cut her. This is where the alcohol depleted his brain cells. He wanted us to suffer, he told her he was going to light us on fire. He left us alone, mum ran out the back door, through the back gate and went to the neighbours that we weren't friends with. After the ordeal was over she found out that Danny had held our friends hostage, screaming at them to tell him where we were. But mum called the cops and they came, sirens blaring, lights flashing. A cop came to the door and told us he was in custody. We walked out. He wasn't in cuffs, he was yelling abuse at the officers as he held the knife. The cops couldn't shoot, they were weak, probably because a shooting had way too much paperwork to fill out. Dad leaped at us and the cops tackled him. They cuffed him but mum never pressed charges. She gave him an ultimatum, us or drugs. He went with drugs. End of story. He's gone but I want to meet him. Perhaps just to see if he finished the deal. I wouldn't fight him on that.

Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long but it was time I expressed my guilt over my father and mother's split.


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Re: Dad tried to kill me - September 7th 2012, 01:36 PM

Hey, sweetie.

I hope you remember me, you talked to me just yesterday, the seventeen year old student, writer, drummer and stacks more from Sydney. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so insanely sorry to hear this story. I want to make one thing very clear. Don't feel any guilt for this, your parents splitting up, what happened to your father, whatever, don't feel guilty.

You are not a mistake, you are a real human being with real emotions. You were eight months old at the time of the incident! One of the hardest lessons we can learn in life is that we are not responsible for the actions and decisions of others and we have no real influence or power over the final decision someone makes, whatever that decision is.

Your father and his family had chose a path to go which was full of drugs and violence and legal troubles and so much more and that is a decision THEY made, without your influence. Your father decided to go out smoking marijuana with your grandmother, that was HIS choice, no influence of yours. He decided to give into drugs and that was HIS decision, no influence of yours.

You were sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo young at the time, how could you possibly feel guilty when you didn't have any responsibility for any of the decisions your father and his family made?

You are an amazing young girl, you're an Aussie, your friend is a WAG LOL, you deserve to be with us and it is just absurd to consider you a mistake, it really isn't true. You can take control of your own life and where you head with your own life and what decisions YOU make but you shouldn't feel guilty or repsonsible for what your parents have done.

You don't deserve to feel like this at the moment .

H.


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
   
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