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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 9th 2012, 10:23 PM

I'm 19, and my mum is still telling me (not suggesting, telling) me to go to bed. It is now...11:20pm here and she's told me to go to bed.
I've been brought up not to argue back to my mum, and because of it i've literally NEVER anything to defend my side if she yells/tells me to do something.

I really want to become an adult now and make my own choices about my schedule in general (she still tells me when I have to come home too). How do I change this?

And when did you stop being told to go to bed? Is anyone else my age having this problem?
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 10th 2012, 01:23 AM

I never stopped being told to go to bed when I was living in the house (I go to college now). Just because she says to doesn't mean you have to, as long as you not disturbing anyone else's sleep.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 10th 2012, 03:29 AM

Wow, seriously? I'm in high school and my mum doesn't care, as long as I'm not out partying.
But, to change that, maybe tell your mother that you are responsible enough to know when to go to sleep, but I understand the "curfew" issue, that one mum makes sure I don't break. It's to make sure that she isn't worrying if she wakes up during the night and sees you're not home yet.

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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 10th 2012, 05:54 PM

My mum told me when to go to bed all the time that I lived there (until I was 18), she would also take my phone off me until the morning to make sure that I didn't stay up texting. I was always telling my mum that I wanted more freedom to decide my own routine and eventually she slowly did give me a bit more freedom, so hopefully telling your mum that you want more freedom might work for you too.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 10th 2012, 07:37 PM

When I was like 13 I decided when I go to bed if I was tired was my own fault



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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 12:47 AM

I remember responding to this thread about a week ago:
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f18-f...ing-tired-mum/
How has your communication with your mom improved since then, if at all?






   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 01:38 AM

I think I was about 12 when my mum stopped telling me. Have you tried talking to her about it all?


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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 01:51 AM

I think when I was about 12 or 13 my parent's didn't really tell me to go to bed anymore...and even if they do now, as long as I don't wake them, then I stay up as long as I want to.
Have you tried telling your mom about your wishes to be more independent?
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 05:14 AM

I was never told to go to bed, quite the opposite. My mom used to have to keep me awake until bedtime. This stopped in middle school when I got mono lol



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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 08:39 AM

I actually wish I was told to go to bed!!1 lol.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 01:31 PM

I think I was 17 or 18 when my parents stopped telling me to go to bed. I could stay up as late as I wanted if I locked up and everything. They kind of give me curfews when I'm at home - they will wait up for me if I'm out late. But not when I'm at uni, obviously.

Maybe you need to talk to your mum and tell her that you're capable of managing your own time schedule. (11pm is quite an early bedtime for a lot of people, but the point is she shouldn't really tell you what to do at your age.) Ask her if you can stay up one night and if she realises that goes down fine, she might be okay with it happening on a regular basis. I don't know if she'd be okay with you staying out really late, but that's sort of understandable, she might worry about where you are. But nothing bad will happen while you're downstairs or out of bed. She might just need to realise this.




   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 02:39 PM

She's not stopped, and I'm 13, but I would have to say that, whilst you need more freedom, you shouldn't go to bed too late- it's bad for you, and continually doing so means that you'll end up not being able to go to sleep when you want to.


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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 04:23 PM

I'm 21 and I still get told to go to bed. Dad wants me in bed by 12am at the latest, he usually wants me in bed by 11pm. It's reasonable, but he shouldn't have to tell me like I'm 13 again. I just basically deal with it, at least he's not telling me to go to bed at 9 or 10pm. But that is my curfew. I rarely have a reason to stay out or stay up anyways.

I guess sometimes it's hard for parents to realize their child is growing up and they need to give them more flexibility. I would say, try talking to your parents, maybe make a compromise. For example, if you want to stay up until 12am but your parent says 9pm, you can try compromising to stay up until like 10:30 or something like that.


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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 11th 2012, 04:28 PM

I'm 15 now, and my mum just stopped, because my doctor told her I *need* to stay up until I am exhausted because my sleeping schedule gets really bad any other way.


   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 13th 2012, 06:07 AM

I never stopped being told to go to bed when I was living in the house (I go to college now). Just because she says to doesn't mean you have to, as long as you not disturbing anyone else's sleep.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 13th 2012, 10:43 AM

I have always been told to go to bed. My parents have set a bedtime for me and if I don't go to bed at that time I get yelled at but I defy it and go on the computer or phone and hope I don't get caught. I'm only sixteen so of course I have my own curfew still but my sister is 27, she lived here until like 22 or something and always had a set time to come home when she was here, like 2 A.M. or something.

I think you should talk to your mom about it and let her know that you are ready to start making your own schedule now and while you appreciate the fact she is concerned about you, you want to start getting more adult responsibilities, such as picking the time you go to bed and accepting the consequences if you stay up too late. Even ask her if you can stay up later one night and if it goes well, you can pick your own bedtime. I don't know if she'll be okay with you staying out late. I don't know if my mom's anything like yours but when one of her kids was living with her and still out at night (except if we were sleeping over a friend's, if we were out and had a time we were supposed to be back) she would stay up waiting for us to get back. She may worry where you are. But, if you are still in the house it would be different since there's not really a danger.

Good luck!


   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 13th 2012, 12:11 PM

I remember getting told to head to bed up until round about the time I finished school, but by the time I was in college (19) they'd eased up on it - although my brother, 18, still gets it and we'll both get told off if we're still up and being loud about it, like watching TV etc.

I think as long as you're living with your parents there is always going to be some degree of this - can I ask if you're the oldest?? I am and I have always had terrible trouble getting my parents to let me grow up, I've had to break them in for everything!! You are an adult now, I agree, and you should be able to make your own decisions. Maybe just try defying her a little ~ not enough to cause a storm but try staying out a little longer, going to bed a little later. I'm like you and was never brought up to do anything but obey my parents but when I started doing this they eventually realised they can't control my life, and left me alone.


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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 13th 2012, 12:32 PM

12 or 13, can't remember.


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September 17th 2012, 08:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bitesize View Post


I think as long as you're living with your parents there is always going to be some degree of this - can I ask if you're the oldest??
I'm the only child lol! And I live alone with my mum. I haven't talked to her about it yet.

I find it hard talking to her about anything like this because I'm afraid she'll get angry. I hate backing down to EVERYTHING she says, but it's how I've been brought up and it's hard to defy that.

Curfew is the problem here really. She knows where I am (usually at my boyfriend's house) but she tells me to get the last bus home (11:20pm) and if my boyfriend is at my house he has to go home at that time too.

At weekends she says 1am I have to come home by. It's the weekend! I just want to be able to choose when I come home. I always let her know where I'm going!
There's SO many things I need to talk to my mum about, it's just hard for me. I never even rebelled as a young teenager, so...yeah lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
I remember responding to this thread about a week ago:
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f18-f...ing-tired-mum/
How has your communication with your mom improved since then, if at all?
Not yet to be honest...I find it really hard to talk to her about things like this, because I'm used to just doing what she says or being quiet when she accuses me of something.

I assume that if I talk to her about me wanting to be more adult, she'll just make up some excuse about me not helping out more and that I don't act like one.

I just wish she would realize that I put up with a lot and haven't been a bad daughter. Not perfect of course but still. She's never given me freedom, and it's time I had some.

Last edited by PSY; September 18th 2012 at 02:32 AM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 18th 2012, 12:41 AM

Hey I can stay up to like 2 am or 12 am matters when my mom wants to go to bed because me and 2 of my bros and he sleeps in the same room so we go to bed when she wants to. x.x
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 18th 2012, 08:11 PM

Even when I was like 15 or 16 my parents didn't really give a shit when I went to bed. But I think some parents are overly strict. Some parents are under strict.

My parents never really seem to care about stuff like that. Sometimes they'd suggest I go to bed, but if I was staying up late to study or something then that was my problem as far as they were concerned.

I think the problem with you might be that you are living at home and are 19. I left home shortly before I turned 18. I was still 17 when I started university.... But you are 19 and still living at home. I'm not trying to say that still living at home is a bad thing by any means, I have plenty of friends who are still living at home while they go to school. You have to do what you have to do, and if still living at home for the time being is for your betterment then hurrah. BUT if you still live at home, being 19 there is now the fine balance between still respecting your mom as your mom and her house rules BUT also getting your mom to allow you to be more of an adult. But I mean, really, your mom SHOULD have realistically stopped TELLING you to go to bed, like, years ago. To me that seems a bit over bearing. But come one, just cause she said "go to bed" doesn't mean you can't stay in your room to read or something.... You could try talking to your mom about allowing you to make your own decisions in some respects (such as not treating you like a 5 year old with a bed time)




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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 18th 2012, 08:14 PM

Her house her rules.
   
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Re: When did you stop being told to go to bed? - September 19th 2012, 12:37 AM

I sort of agree with boobies, with her house her rules, which was what I was getting at when I was talking about you still living at home. I think if you DON'T want to live under your mom's rules then it is time to move out. Though I do think that due to your age you CAN legitimately request SOME things be changed. Like, I wouldn't go with being allowed to party, but things like when you sleep or what ever are within the realm of reason. But you can't really expect your mom to change, it IS her house, and if she is strict then she's strict, but you ARE 19 so it isn't unreasonable to assume you might move out to have freedom at this point. But like I already said, it isn't wrong to live at home for convenience especially if money is a factor, but that being said, money or no money, if you are going to live with your parents you have to follow their rules within the realm of reason




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