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Name: OutcastDreamcatcher
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a perfect life? - April 13th 2009, 02:42 PM

My life is supposed to be perfect. I've got a perfect family, a perfect house, I go to a well-known college, I'm pretty much of a good student..everything's bliss (to the outsider).

Inside, I'm screaming.

My dad's extremely abusive. He screams all the time and his wirds are so coarse it hurts my ears. He treats my mum like dirt. She tries to make peace but always ends up being on the wrong end of being the one to blame. The problem is, she doen't really work. She's into social service and it doesnt bring in much money. So she cant walk out coz with me and my brother there wont be any financial support. She gives her best in trying to make things work but he makes it so much more horrible. He is so abusive I totally hate him at times. I always felt he never loved us, like it was an obligation since he was the father. The only thing he does is shower us with materail goods..like that's gonna make up for all the abusive language that's now a part of him.

Sometimes it kills me so much I end up feeling so suicidal. I dont know how Im gonna carry on with this.
   
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Re: a perfect life? - April 13th 2009, 03:56 PM

Hey.
I know it's easy for people to assume that our lives are "perfect" when in reality, they're far from it. But I think that more people need to understand that no one's life is perfect. We all have flaws and problems in our lives, and unfortunately this one has been giving you an exceptionally hard time.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to about these things? I think that sometimes it's easy for people to assume that nothing is wrong, simply because we don't open up our mouths and admit that something is going on. Try having a talk with your mom, or even with someone outside your family. If you really feel up to it, maybe even talk to your dad. Let him, or whoever else you talk to, that you don't want to be treated this way by him any longer, and you really do get sick of it. Maybe have someone to call up on the phone and simply talk to when your dad is in one of his 'moods.' I can't tell you that he will automatically end up stopping this. Maybe you and your family need to confront him and help him recognize that he does in fact have a problem, what with his abusive words and such.

Talking things through can work wonders. I hope that things do in fact get better for you and the rest of your family soon. Take care of yourself. x





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Re: a perfect life? - April 13th 2009, 05:24 PM

Hey there,
It sounds like you're in a tough place. You shouldn't have to put up with the abuse, but you feel there's nowhere else to turn. My advice to you is, like Amanda said, find someone who you can turn to when things aren't going so great at home. Whether it be a friend from school, your brother or your mum, or someone from TH, support from another person works miracles. If things get too unbearable sometimes, take a break and stay at friend's house for a night or two. You need somewhere to unwind and get away from things.
I also think that confronting your dad may be beneficial. Or maybe during a day when things are going good, you can throw in a friendly, 'Dad, I really like it when we can be a family like this.' or something like that. Maybe he'll get the hint, maybe not. If not, then you may have to tell him straight up that he's hurting the rest of you, and if he doesn' t listen to that, my advice is to get out. They do have financial support for abuse victims. You don't have to put up with this.

I know how playing the "perfect family" goes. If you need someone to relate to, PM me anytime.

Take care,

- Jess.


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Re: a perfect life? - April 16th 2009, 02:13 PM

Its been 18 years and I've tried all that really but considering the place I come from, it jus doesnt work. Dad's moods change like the blinking of eyelashes. I feel so terrible for mum but she's mostly so passive I really cant do much there.
Where moving out is concerned, I dont have any place to go to.
   
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