TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Skye^ Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Skye^'s Avatar
 
Name: Skye
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 3
Join Date: October 8th 2012

My mom keeps criticizing me - October 8th 2012, 11:24 PM

So A LOT of drama has been happening with my family the last few months, and it seems like all I try to do is never good enough for my mom. Lately, she has called me derogatory names because of how I act(although I do NOTHING worthy of being called such names), such as a slut/whore and saying how I have no class. She has accused me of being a liar and that all I care about is myself, my boyfriend, and sports. All of this criticism and name calling is honestly, quite offensive to me. I wrote this letter to her today, but I have yet to give it to her. Should I give her this letter and also advice on how to deal with my mom PLEASE. I really want her to stop treating me with such disrespect. I always treat her with respect and want her to do the same for me.
Here's the letter (sorry it's so long):



Dear mom,

As I've been growing up, you have raised me to what your ethics and beliefs are. You have taught me how to act, speak, learn, and live. You have visions of how Holly, Isabela, and I should be. Now, here's where you and I come head to head. I do not agree with the way I'm living or in retrospect, how we are living. You wonder why I cannot tell the truth to you, and here is why.
All my life, I've watched the progression of our whole world. I've watched you give birth to Holly and Isabela, and I've watched you trying your absolute best to provide substance for all of us. I've watched you struggle with Tom, Charlie, Wayne, Ken and I know about your past relations with Mark. All these problems you have or had are due to the creation of a lie in each relationship. I don't know why you lie, maybe you are just afraid to speak the truth. I believe that the way you've been raised and how you have lived has etched a specific mantra into you; and that is to lie. I have watched you lie about big things and small things, and your lies keep snowballing into something bigger, so it seems. You have raised me to lie, and I don't like it at all.
I hate secrets, mom. I hate that my entire life I have had to lie to so many people. I don't want a life that is built on lies, and where I have to keep secrets from people. But I have tried to be loyal and faithful to you and I have done what you have instructed me to do. I have grown to a point now where I can construct my own thoughts and beliefs, and am able to choose the path that I want to live by; and this means that I am, in fact, questioning your habits, and whether in my book they are right or wrong. But, this is against your rules, and it seems like when I try to do something right it is wrong to you. So you accuse me of choosing others that I care about or myself over my family, and believe me that is the last thing I am trying to do. I remember being six years old and having to lie to Nana about Tom and you. I remember you asking me when I was seven who I loved more, you or Tom. I remember lying about Charlie to Wayne, and I remember lying to Mark because you asked me to. Believe me the list goes on. I just want to have honest, close bonds with people. You not only make me lie, but I feel you criticize me for who I am. I honestly do not care what people think about me. No one's opinion means anything to me except my own. It doesn't bother me that you say I have no class, or that you call me a whore, or that maybe you think I am completely ignorant and am getting ahead of myself. I stopped caring what people say or think about me a long time ago, and I have found myself 100 times happier. I know you are not intentionally doing this or maybe you are, because you feel that your words will somehow fix all my bad quirks and make me into who you want me to be. You see, because I have been told to lie throughout the years, sometimes I find it difficult to tell the truth. Do you understand how difficult it is for me? You tell me to lie for so long, and then expect the truth from me? My vision of what the truth is has been distorted and I don't want it to stay that way. I know you want better for me, so please try to trust me that what I am doing for myself is right, and I will try to do what is right for all of us, because you do mean a lot to me. I wish you could be happy for me and my dreams. I'm happy for you, mom. I think you are an incredible, hell of a woman, and you deserve the best, because you have had to endure so much. I think you have a lot of pain inside you, and you need to find peace with it, or it will continue affecting you and I have watched, mom. The pain makes you push people away.
I like who I am. I don't find that there is anything wrong with me, and if there is, please let me figure out what that may be on my own. You can try to protect me from making mistakes, but mistakes are what will make me learn. I'm not afraid of failing. If I fall, I will pick myself up and begin again. That's just me. I need to develop at my own pace and maybe that pace is quicker than most people my age, or even people a lot older than me. Maybe I am thinking of leaving and growing up and having a life I can call my own, separately. That is not because I do not love you or Holly or Isabela or this town or the life you have made for me so far. I love --------(town name). I love all the life and people in it. I am glad that I get to call it my home. You just need to know that I am excited for what is in the world outside of home. I'm excited for the countless opportunities I have to do whatever I please. I just want to explore the world and the people and sights in it. I crave the freedom and the love that I anticipate it will bring. I want to be somebody that means something to this beautiful world, mom. I don't want to be someone that lies or is fake, though. Far too many people are like that, and I fear more than anything else, that I might be becoming one of those individuals. I feel like you already know this about me, mom. And I am sorry if this letter makes you angry with me, because maybe you still see me as a number. You see me as a teenage girl, which is what I am. But I don't think that it's fair to classify me as having no knowledge of how to live and that you know supremely what is best for me. I am not completely naive, and I think I am doing pretty good so far. I see myself as a confident, intelligent, and maybe a little rebellious. I know I have a lot to learn at this point in my life, but I believe I will be okay. And please try to trust me to make the right decisions, I'm not going to run off and do drugs or have sex or prostitute myself. Honestly, it's offensive that you would even think I would lower myself to such standards, and I believe that I am not receiving the same respect I give to you; and I just want to be treated right.


Skye
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
psychgirl Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
psychgirl's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 34
Join Date: September 30th 2012

Re: My mom keeps criticizing me - October 9th 2012, 12:19 AM

I think your letter was heart-felt and really explained your true feelings. It was excellent. I think you need to decide if you should give it to her. Sometimes just writing a letter is beneficial, but sometimes the letter needs to be given to the person. Will the letter do more good than harm? Personally, I think it would be good, but I don't know your mom and so I don't know how she will take it. I would just make sure that repeat somewhere near the end that you love her and so you want to figure this out so you guys can get along. The letter does not come off as attacking to me at all - rather just an explanation of your feelings and thoughts - but you don't want her to think that you are doing that. Just make sure she knows that when she reads it.

I think it's awesome that you want to be an honest person even though your mom did not demonstrate that character trait to you as a child. She should be happy that you are becoming your own person with your own beliefs - it is a normal stage of development for a child and adolescent to do.

Good luck with the letter! If you give it to her, and it doesn't go well, don't let it discourage you.


*Everything happens for a reason.*
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
criticizing, mom

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.