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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
30kingswood Offline
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Unhappy My Mom is so Hostile!! - October 9th 2012, 02:19 AM

Well, its hard to explain our relationship lately, so I'll give an example of what just happened to me...

Okay, so my mom comes into my room without knocking. She is talking to her mom on the phone. She starts chewing on the inside of her mouth, which I don't like, and flops down on my bed. She then continues to talk for about another minute, at which points she stops talking and notices I am crying.

*flashback time *

I send my mom an email, with an article attached about how moms could deal with the habit of yelling and swearing in front of their kids. I thought it would be a good article to send her, and I even put in that "Don't take this the wrong way." She didn't the way I thought she would, but she did... (the reason I sent her this, by the way, was because she has been swearing and yelling at tiny things all the time for the past few years, more then ever, and its getting on my nerves...) She told me in another email that she knew who she was, she was only human, and she couldn't change that. blahblahblahblah, with a whole bunch of "I love you's!" strung in. Now, by now, I had been struggling with her to grow up a bit about a number of things, so its really getting to me she isn't taking this seriously...

*flash forward *

Now she looks at me with an annoyed face, asking me why I'm crying. So I look at her for a minute or so, unsure what to say, and hardly breathing because my nose was blocked and I didn't want to breathe heavily in front of her. So, she starts looking even more annoyed and getting angry. I finally get myself together because she wants to know so badly what "my problem" is, so I tell her this (give or take);

Me: I feel like... I feel like you don't care about me anymore.

Mom: Why?

Me: Because... *pause for another minute or so. I have trouble gathering me thoughts, but this seemed to make her more angry... * I

Mom: What!? Tell me what's the problem!

Me: Well, I um... I think its um... *by now I am confused, because I'm in shock she wants to hear what I have to say. I get a bit too comfortable...)

Mom: Tell me what it is.

Me: Well, for one thing, I don't think you feed me correctly.

Mom: What!? What do you mean!!!??? I've been sick for a week, what, do you want 3 square meals a day!??

Me: Well, actually, yeah.

Mom: Well then, why don't you try eating all of your food!!??? We make you food!!!

Me: Yeah, like ONE meal a day.

Mom: I have been sick this past week, and now-

Me: But thats not what this is about!!

Mom: YES IT IS!! So why don't you just do the laundry, and the dishes, and make me some soup!!!?? I wasn't even planning on getting out of bed today!!!

Me: Ugh.... Um.... Okay well-

Mom: In fact, I have been sick, and I am going to go through an operation soon (fact) so why don't you just make your own food!!?!?? (me and my sister have made pasta these last 2 nights ^__^) And after my operation, when I can't do shit for 2 weeks, you can do all the chores!!!

Me: Well then, after those two weeks, NO excuses!! (excuses for being lazy, that is....)

Mom: Okay, I'm just.... I'm leaving. -__- goodnight. (kisses my cheek)

Me: GOODNIGHT!

Well, thats how it went... So what do you guys think? Am I crazy to think my mom is a little lupey? lol I've just felt like she is going crazy lately, because she wasn't like this "before"..... And my big sister agrees.
   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: My Mom is so Hostile!! - October 9th 2012, 01:30 PM

It sounds like she's under a lot of stress with being sick and in regards to her operation. I imagine she'd really appreciate it if you helped her out during this time by working with your big sister to try to take care of yourselves a little more, make dinner, help out around the house, etc. I realize this isn't the ideal situation you're wanting or the ideal answer you're looking for, but sometimes, when parents are sick, we have to take on extra responsibilities.

Good luck. (:



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Chris Offline
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Re: My Mom is so Hostile!! - October 13th 2012, 07:36 PM

I can see the stress and frustration on both sides. I wish I can say the Teen years with our parents are full of great times and smiles, but they aren't. While I totally agree that sufficient food should be provided for the family, atleast she is trying to cook a meal a day. Maybe shes so stressed out, that she feels you guys are asking to much of her? I think the best bet is to tell her to just make 1 meal aday, and then you or your sister can make a second meal everyday. So you atleast have 2 meals, and then you can find some snacks or other types of food for the rest of the day. We (teens), sometimes try to pawn alot of things off on our parents (guilty of doing this myself), but we have to realize they can only do so much. I guarantee that helping around the house (IE: Making 1 meal aday, cleaning, etc), will go along way and will also improve your relationship with your mom.

Things can only change if you put effort into them.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Always * Offline
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Re: My Mom is so Hostile!! - October 14th 2012, 02:58 PM

Just a question... Don't you know how to cook? I mean, when I was in high school I'd usually had to just cook/make my own lunch and breakfast, it's not that hard to do even if you just have a sandwich or make a breakfast of fried eggs or something, I mean I guess if you're 12 that might be starting a bit sooner for you, but I STILL made my own food a lot around that age... I'm not trying to talk down to you or something. It's just that it really isn't a big deal for me to start learning how to cook for yourself, and if she is AT LEAST cooking supper then that's good.... But now, if the problem is that she's not providing healthy food at all then I would say that that's a problem, and you should definitely approach her with a list of good you'd start liking to see in the house. IF you need to talk about food, let me know. My parents are VERY busy which is why I ended up having to make food for myself a lot. So I can help there.... But like I said, you should make sure that at least healthy food is in the house, and then that way at least your not eating bad food.

Plus, I agree with the others, if your mom has been sick for a bit, and is about to get a surgery then I think you need to be reasonable there. Like she might need you and your sister to be more independent as a result of it. That's might be hard to accept when you are only 12, but it' still ok. Maybe this has been a longer thing than her illness though, but I do think that as you are rolling around towards teenager-hood, I think you should be able to take on more responsibility and what not. Example: telling your mom what food you wanna see in the house vs. just being upset over something like your mom doesn't cook all your meals. And I think that accepting that would allow you to try to focus on improving the situation with your mom in more constructive ways.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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