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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PurpleMoon Offline
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This is the situation - October 9th 2012, 11:04 AM

Ok I have written a lot about my best friend on here basically we have been having a lot of issues. I'm going to explain the situation.
My best friend has got a boyfriend he went to our school for they never spoke I don't even think they even look in each other’s paths. Which all my friends think it's a bit weird. I and another friend saw her boyfriend with his brother riding up and down the elevator and he blatantly saw us. I asked my friend (the one who's boyfriend it is) what he was doing and why. And she kept saying it can't be him he's at home and it defiantly was. We just left it at that but it hurt that one if the people I trusted the most doesn't believe me. They have been going out for a few months now and I never she my friend and we hardly ever talk.

We recently spoke about the situation face to face. I told her that didn't think it far that she would believe her boyfriend over her friends and she told me that she didn't believe anyone. And kept joking about it (basically saying oh there must be two of him) which annoyed me because I know it was him.

Yesterday she kept asking me what I think of him. I didn't want to tell her as I feel my opinion doesn't matter. To which at kept telling me I'm her best friend and of course it matters. All I could think to myself was that if it really mattered so much why she didn’t ask me when they first started dating. I eventually caved and told her basically from what I know of him he isn't that nice and that he basically called me and my other friend (the one I was with when we saw him a liar)

My relationship with the person I used to trust the most has been strained and I have seen I side to her that I don't really like. She doesn't really have any friends anymore because she dropped them when she got a boyfriend (which no one thought it was like her)
I just basically think would it be best to just cut my losses. I don't need to have an argument with her ever month and I don't want to deal with it any more. My friend that I saw him with thinks that is should cut my losses and I do agree with her.
I just want to see if from a different view. If it would be better of use to just not be as close or even just cut her out?


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Katrina Offline
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Re: This is the situation - October 9th 2012, 01:26 PM

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding how exactly the situation escalated to the point that it did. When you saw he and his brother riding on the elevator, were they doing anything disruptive that was bothering you? Or anything to offend you? If not, I really don't suggest that you cut this girl out of your life over a single misunderstanding... However, that's just my perspective on the situation, and since I don't know any of you in person or well, I can't really judge the situation too fairly.

To me, it sounds like this boyfriend has a lot of control over your friend, and if that's truly what's going on, having all of her friends leave her as she endures this relationship is the last thing she needs. Often, when people get in their first serious relationship, they have to take some time and put some serious effort into readjusting their lives to accommodate not only their new boyfriend/girlfriend, but also to make sure that their friends and family stay an important part of their lives. And it sounds like she's having difficulty with that.

I understand that the friend who was with you when you saw the boyfriend thinks that you should cut the girl out of your life, but this is about you and her - not your other friend, not her boyfriend, not his brother. If you guys are able to maintain a healthy relationship in which you're there for each other and can redevelop mutual trust and both WANT to maintain the friendship, I think that tells you what you should do. (: Do what's best for you, but also consider the history of the friendship you have.

Good luck!



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