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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amelia113 Offline
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My mom cheated and lied - October 10th 2012, 06:21 AM

Lately I have been in a rut. I was on vacation with a friend and the day I came back, my mom had left. She moved out, got a job, got an apartment, and is living on her own (or so she says). This happened in July, so I have not seen her for a little over 3 months. After she left, I found a note that she had wrote to me stashed in one of my drawers. She wrote how she was so sorry that this had happened and how I was probably going to hate her for what she had done. She left me a number to her new phone and told me she had an apartment in the county (however she will not say where in the county). I got a call from her the day after. I told her how i could not hate her and I will always love her because she is still my mother now matter how upset I was due to the situation. My father and I were both sent to counseling just to make sure we were getting along okay without her there. It proved to be tough for my dad and I. Him with work everyday and me with college, work, and medical issues that have yet to be resolved. Although, I found a way to deal with it.
However, just recently i found out more information. Not only had my mother cheated and lied about not being with another man, she did it for years. Granted she had hard times of her own as a child and was diagnosed with being bipolar within the past 4 years, but she also lied directly to my father and I. During my sophomore year of high school, a man stopped by the house whenever my mother and I were home. I witnessed the whole conversation they had about being friends in the past. Whenever I has asked her who the man was, she said that it was possible that he was her half brother...... LIES! This man was actually her sex partner and she cheated on my dad with him for years. Worst thing about it is the guy lives only 2 minutes up the road from my house. My mother has lied to me on several occasions with this matter. I despised my pap (my mom's dad) for doing this to my gram and now my mom is following his footsteps. She is no better than him. My mother still texts me often, but I no longer reply. The letter she had left me in the beginning all made sense. Now I know why she was afraid I would hate her and no one in the family would want to associate with her. However, since she left, my dad and I were kept in the dark about her love affair. Everyone else in our family knew that she had ran off with this guy and that she had associated with him before. So not only do I have an explicit disliking for my mother, I also feel that I cant even trust my own family. Ever since I heard the more recent news of the love affair, I cant sleep right, eat right, and I cant focus on my studies. I have had horrible anxiety attacks. My grades have plummeted and I have no hope in restoring them. My father and I fight all the time now because he gets angry with me for letting myself be affected by the situation and now being home with him is anything but pleasant. He tells me to suck it up and deal with it. Im an emotional wreck and thus is why I am stuck in a rut....... any helpful thoughts or reassurring advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Melwirth Offline
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Re: My mom cheated and lied - October 10th 2012, 08:00 AM

Hey, it will be ok. Trust me I understand. My mom has cheated too. My mom cheated when I was young, she cheated on my dad, later divorced him and married the guy that she cheated with (this man was also my dads best friend) so my mom, my brother and I moved in with him. Years later my mom ends up cheating on my stepdad as well. See when I was young it didnt bother me cuz I didnt know but now I do and then finding out that she has been doing it again. She hasnt told me or really anyone for that matter but we know and especially me....I know, I'm not stupid, it's obvious. One time she took me to meet her "old friend from high school" I met him and I was disgusted cuz I knew what was happening,and what was going on between the two of them, and my mom tried so hard to get me to like him but I couldnt stand that man, he was ripping my family apart. Over many years I had gotten very close to my stepdads family and they treated me like I was a part of the fam but I was afraid if things were to end with my mom and stepdad I would loose all that. Many other things happened over the past few years that has made me angry and upset at her for what she has done (surprisingly my mom and stepdad are still together) Im still angry for what she has done, and quite honestly I dont know if she is still doing it or not cuz ive been away in college for two years but over time I have gotten to the point where I have just let that all go, I still hate what she does and it bothers me but I still love her, I take what I like about her and I leave the rest behind, I just ignore the rest, sometimes with family thats all you can do is ignore the stuff you dont like and cant change, if it gets brought up tell them how you feel about it but in the mean time just forget it, be pissed off enough about it to just throw it on the ground and forget about it. Just love her for the things she does right and dont worry about the rest. Things are tricky with parents. It not as easy as if it were a friend or person you were dating. If it was someone you were dating obviously you would just get rid of them and be done with it but when parents pull this crap we cant get rid of them but we can forget it. Let them know we dont thinks its ok but then let it go. We cant let it eat us up, we have more important things to worry about at this point in our lives right? So dont stress yourself out too much about it ok?
I know this was kinda long but I hope it helped.
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Adam the Fish Offline
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Re: My mom cheated and lied - October 10th 2012, 08:06 AM


This must be awful for you, and reading this made me quite sad.

To focus on the side-effects, I think it would probably be beneficial for you to do more things in groups - maybe you could take up a sport, or something? It would just give you a bit more space which would hopefully help you.

To focus on the cause, this is much more up to you. I think you need to make the decisions about this yourself regarding whether you see her again or not, without external influence from either myself or the rest of your family.

Once again, I'm really sorry that this has happened.

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cheated, cheating, college stress, dealing with anxiety, lied, mom, mom dad, need advice

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