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Kinnykins Offline
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Help! My sister is going down the wrong path - October 14th 2012, 06:31 AM

I'm new to this so I'm not even sure I put this in the right spot. I joined because I can't seem to figure out what to do with my little sister I'm almost 20 and have seen some pretty terrible things happen to people, I lost a friend to drug use and watched as another almost died. Now my 14 year old sister is going down the same path. I found drugs in her room like a larger amount than some addicts normally have and I took it away. Flushed it I didn't want her having a chance to even get it back. Next I found a flask full of my moms only bit of liquor she has in the house. And then I over hear her talking about sex and how big guys are. It scares me she's only 14 I don't want something bad happening to her. Is haven't told my mom but I've hinted at it, she doesn't think there's a problem. I don't want to tell her everything I've found because my mom is a little extreme I don't want her completely pushing my sister away. What can I do?
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Re: Help! My sister is going down the wrong path - October 14th 2012, 06:35 AM

Just talk to her, ask her why she is doing this and then inform her of the risks.
She may get a bit hostile but just be patient and don't be angry.


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Re: Help! My sister is going down the wrong path - October 14th 2012, 06:50 AM

I think its time for you to have a sis to sis conversation with her. Looking at the stuff she has done it seems to me that she is doing all of this because she may feel alone or have some other problem that she is trying to cope with. Talk to her and tell her that she has you and she could tell you anything and help her through this. Form a relationship with her where she could tell you ANYTHING and you won't get mad but you will help her through it all.

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Re: Help! My sister is going down the wrong path - October 14th 2012, 02:07 PM

I've never been of the persuasion that people only do stuff like have sex because "they're insecure, they're alone etc"... Some people have sex simple because they don't think it's a problem. Some people are bullies simply because they are assholes.

Now that being said, there usually IS some sort of underlying issue as to how a person became a bully. It's just that I don't think that the default of human nature is that you are automatically a good person and that any alternative is because of some sort of personality or character flaw or what ever.

So I think you should try to consider what is driving your sister to choose to do this. Is she just experimenting? I would probably say no, from what I know so far her behaviour sounds to extreme compared to the teenager who takes some unnecessary risks with things like sex and pot or something. But maybe she WAS experimenting and it got out of control? Or maybe she is making bad decisions simply because no one is giving her a positive path to follow? Which isn't a bash on your family by any means, obviously you turned out just fine, so they did something right. But your sister has clearly become misguided some how. Either way, this brings to mind the need for boundaries. If you know that telling your mom what is going on will just make the problem worse, don't tell her right now. If you sister is (or was) struggling with something where she started doing this stuff, having problems with your mom pushing her away could just send her spinning further into the problem.... So I think you should just approach her. Don't be condesending though. I think if you walk into the room being like "what the hell are you doing, why are you doing this" and have some big lecture prepared as to why she shouldn't do it she'll probably just close you out. She's a teenager and she either KNOWS she's being stupid and doesn't know how to get out of the situation or she simply doesn't care that it's a bad idea, so she feels like your attacking her by coming down on her for her bad choices she's going to get defensive and angry. You should just tell her you know about the drugs and the guys, and that you're worried about it and want to talk to her, make sure you tell her that it's just between the two of you and you have no intentions of telling anyone else. I mean obviously if her life is in immediate risk, you should, but I mean, that's not part of asking her to tell you the truth. If she thinks your going to tell you mom cause you wanted to find out exactly what's going on she'll probably ALSO be defensive. Just ask her when she first started doing it all, and don't assume anything, don't assume the causes for her choices. Just hear what she's got to say.

But I should probably wrap it up here. Judging by the sounds of it you have about as many friends with these issues as I do, so you probably know how to approach them without causing them to freak out on you for being judgemental or condescending. I'm just going the long way about trying to tell you that if you want her to get off this path then she needs to know that she can trust you, I find that going in and lecturing people in these situations is not a helpful course of action because most times you got parents and teachers saying it's bad and if that didn't do the trick than obviously another course of action is necessary. And if she trusts you then I think it'll be easier for her to see that you aren't just trying to tell her off for "not being perfect" or something. I hope that that makes sense.

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