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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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For your sake, I'll be okay.
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Great friends, horrible family. - October 18th 2012, 10:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, imma start at the beginning.
Ever since I can remember, my dad has been a drunk. He has hurt my mum many times physically, but mostly mentally. We moved out for a brief period when i was 8, and then mum decided to go back. A year later, dad got drunk again and got my younger brother and I into a car accident, and was arrested. That freaked the hell out of me and I completely lost trust of my dad. He always blamed things on me, and I really couldn't take it, I had many suicidal thoughts at that stage, not that anyone knew about it. I saw a guidance counselor many times and so many things brought up triggering memories. At that stage, my friends weren't great, so I had no one to go to, and wrote a diary. My parents split up again last year, but it still feels like yesterday. I tried to commit suicide once, and have had some more thoughts about it since. The only thing that has stopped me has been friends. My mum has moved on so fast and is dating a quadriplegic, but my dad is still moping and is wanting to get back together. I only trust my friends, no one else. I am stuck in the middle of two horrible lives and I don't know what to do. I just want to live with my friends! Mum has no time for anything anymore and dad... i just can't trust him.
I am so confused right now!!!
   
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Re: Great friends, horrible family. - October 20th 2012, 01:16 AM

I totally can see how all these different things going on at once can be hard, and even drive you to go insane. As far as your mom, I think you need to communicate with her. Tell her that you love her, and you want to be able to spend some time with her once in awhile (maybe a mother-daughter day). If you find that she start talking to your dad again, then you need to communicate your feelings. Sure, my guess is that she knows that you don't trust your dad, however until you verbally mention it, it may not cause to much alarm to your mother. Communicate is alot, and if you don't communicate, you may find yourself in situations that you didn't sign up for.

As far as your Dad; I can understand 100% why you don't trust him. Personally, I wouldn't trust him either. However, you can still find a balance between trusting him, and not having any relationship with him at all. I'm not saying trust him (because trust is earned, not given), and I'm also not saying end your whole relationship with him (because that solves no problems: if anything it worsens them). I'm saying that you need to find a middle. Talk to him, but don't trust him. This may sound hard, and it may even sound like its not worth it, or that hes a lost cause, but eventually you will be happier with atleast having a civil relationship with him, instead of no relationship at all.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Great friends, horrible family. - October 20th 2012, 10:38 AM

I understand how you feel right now and i understand you can't trust your dad because of the things he has done in the past.
I pretty much agree with Chris about your mom. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. you aren't going to be with her for long then when you go to college you could move out.




ďIíve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. Iíve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, Iíve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. Iíve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.Ē
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Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
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