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MOM issues - October 20th 2012, 12:18 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

IDK where to start....when I was little my mom and I had a great relationship!she used to say we were joined at the hip b/c anywhere we went I was always right beside her or sitting on her lap.When I was about 11 years old my mom took me out of sports b/c she couldn't afford it anymore.Of course I was upset about this and when I got taken out of sports I gained a lot of weight...But I was happy b/c my mom got me a dog around that time..My aunt has been living with us since I was 11 years old. So when I was about 12years old my mom told me my friend could have a sleepover b/c my aunt(24years old at the time) would be home to watch us. My house has 2.5 bath rooms. The 2 whole bathrooms are upstairs.I never use the hallway bath room .I always use my mom's b/c my aunt keeps the hallway bath room dirty.She had a big brown ring around the tub.So I asked her if she could clean it (so my friend could use it )and then she got mad at me and said she's not the only one that uses it !!!!Nobody else used it but her !So after that conversation she went in her room and started talking about me to my grandma.I of course when upstairs and argued with her some more b/c she was talking about me slapping me !My other aunt(18years old at the time) who was there at the time kept pushing me away from her sister I was arguing with .I told her to get off of me but she wouldn't so I slapped her .She told me was going to" bite"me so I said "bite me" (thinking she wouldn't actually do it ) .....after all of that my mom came to my room to talk to me (at the time I was starting to do modeling/........and my aunts moved in with my uncle) .She told me she thinking of whether or not she's going to let me do modeling b/c my uncle told her that he thinks that I shouldn't be doing it !!!He's not my parent !He hasn't been a parent for 12years !Only 1year!So the next day ,she listened to him and told me she was taking me out!!!That's why I don't listen to her what she says now b/c she listens to other people !!!!She doesn't use her own mind anymore !So basically people who aren't my parents are telling me what I should or should not be doing!!!...Now lets fast foreward to 1 year.When I was 13years old my 1st dog Adonis was put down b/c my little brother took his friend in the backyard and my dog scratched the boy(the doctors found NO puncture wounds at all!!!) so since my dog's a pitbull and insurance doesn't like to cover pitbulls she just let the animal control people keep him!I remember the day they took him like it was yesterday.....my mom called the animal control and told me to get the leash and walk Adonis around the backyard.When the lady came I gave her Adonis and she put him in her truck/van and started talking to my mom.I was perfecting fine the whole time until the truck left and then it hit that I may never see Adonis again!My face was flooded with tears.I watch a lot of animal hospital and aspca shows on animal planet so I am 100% sure they didn't give my dog a second chance .....My mom and little sister(1 year younger than me) would tease about my dog not being there ...of course I was angry!This is another thing that caused my mom and I's relationship to deteriorate even more!....Now lets fast foreward another year. when I was 14years old I had to stay with my god mom b/c where I live if you don't go to your home school you have to go to a shuttle stop to get to school.My god mom lived near the school I attended so i stayed with her during the school week.At her house(it was infested with roaches too!!!) her sons always had the TV and computer volume on really loud so it was hard to practice my instrument(I was in the marching band) and do my homework b/c at my mom's house I always did my homework on the table where it was quiet! So my grades were slipping I made 2 C's ,4B's ,and 2 A's that year. My mom always tells me to make nothing but A's and B's so that is what I always made until my freshman year...also in my freshman year she stopped paying me for my grades.She used to give me $10 per A and nothing for B's and if I got straight A's I got $100 ...but she was different with my little sister she would still pay her for B's and C's(not fair)..So naturally I didn't want to stay with her again and my mom didn't feel like she should sacrifice her work hours for me .......another thing in my freshman year I remember one day i was using her cell phone to text a friend and I saw a previous text go by and so I clicked on it and she was telling her friends how she beat me and and her friends were encouraging her to beat me......so I went to my homeschool for my sophomore year .I knew that it would only hurt me if I didn't make the grades b/c the only way to leave my mom's house is through college!So I was excelling in my sophomore year nothing but straight A's!My mom didn't pay me either!so it was all my own motivation.That same year I found out I had PCOS .Which is could lead to cancer,diabetes,infertility,etc if I don't take care of my health!My doctor has told my mom before that she needs to by healthier foods b/c it's not just the child's fault it's the parents too.My mom ignored that conversation...So one day when my mom was taking my brother to his football practice I went to get my some whole grain chips sunchips b/c the are supposed to be healthier than regular potatoe chips.So my mom drops me off at food lion and leaves me there for about 30min-60min so naturally I'm scared being outside by myself at about 7/8pm. She picks me up and her and my sister are picking on and talking about how my dad( my dad left and hasn't seen me since I was 4years old) doesnt' want me and my dog is dead....So called my mom a "whore" b/c when I was about 12 years old I used to use her phone to take pics and put them on myspace...when i used her phone one day to take pics she had pics of her vagina on it....so I guess she used to send them to people....she knew I knew about it b/c I confronted her about it she told me that's why i need to stay off her phone .....but anyways so of course she started cussing talking about my dad doesn't want me some more. I say stuff backs some more ! So for the first time either when my mom and I fight(she has been beating my with cable cords since I was about 9/10years old and I'd have big welts on my legs and arms for days....when I was about 12/13years old I started fighting back) she hit me in my FACE!!! i had midterms the next day and I love my face .....My eyes and lips(busted) were swollen (now everytime I cry my eyes swell up) so I called my teacher(crying) telling her I dont' think I wanna take my midterm b/c I didn't get time to study...So she tells me it's okay and wants to figure out why I'm crying.and tells me shes gonna take me to talk to the counselor. The next day we talk to the school social worker and a social worker comes to my house. she tells my mom I either live with some one else or we have to go through counseling and for every two weeks a counselor will come over and check out the house and see how our relationship is .My grandma convinced my relunctant mom to let me stay with her .So when I moved with my grandma everything was fine for the 1st couple of months.I started talking to my mom again around christmas.She would tell me she "love you" but I never said anything back b/c I haven't told my mom I loved her since I was about 10years old .my little brother(7years younger than me ) would always call me and tell me how much he missed me .And I missed my dog Bella(I got her when I was 12years old).When I used to see my aunt (dad's sister) spend so much time with her children and treat me as if I was one of her own ,it made me wish me and my mom had that .In about january or december my aunt(mom's sister'the one that lived with me before) and I got into an argument .After the argument that's when I realized i just wanted to go home.My grandma talked to me when my aunt told her about the argument and I told her I wanted to go home but she thought that I was just really upset...Realizing how much I wanted to go home i started crying myself to sleep b/c it was just too much and everytime I got off the phone with my brother/mom it would make me cry or when they went back to charlotte...So in about the spring time(2012) my mom told me that i would have to go back home unless I made up with my grandpa (when I was living with my grandma and grandpa I was supposed to clean the bathroom and do dishes once a week but I only did the dishes like 3x and cleaned the bathroom once the entire time I stayed with them...I would get in trouble for not cleaning my room....at home my mom never obligated me to clean my room so I never done it unless i felt like it.....the only thing I really did was take in the groceries ...i was only at my mom's parents house for about 1/2 a week b/c I was at my dad's parents house for the other 1/2 ...my grandpa used to always joke with me about the the "house" b/c when i was little i always thought of my grandma and grandpa's house as my own b/c i lived there when i was a baby...so my grandpa would say 'who's in my house" when I came home from school and I would say it back but one day he got made at me for saying that and told me to never say it again .I said it basically is b/c my mom gave him $200 a month and then he said I don't own anything .I said " do you own this(my laptop)? NO ? so everything isn't yours!"and went in what was supposed to me be my room ...after that I don't say "hey" or joke around with my grandpa and he stopped talking to me too).I chose to stay with my mom of course thinking maybe things would be better ! Both my grandmas wanted me to stay b/c they thought it wasn't a good idea for me to go back with my mom.I just didn't pay attention to it b/c i just wanted to go home .....I moved back in with my mom at the end of june.This summer we went to florida with my mom's boyfriend(brother's dad) and his kids.My mom told me not to ruin her trip for her! I don't like her boyfriend b/c he's an alcoholic ,he cusses ,he's a cheater ,and I've never liked him since I met him(5/6years old ).So anyways I behaved myself fine until his daughter(17years old) and my sister decided to stay on the phone all night while i was trying to watch tv.And my mom felt like it was okay for them to say up until 1am disturbing my sleep.so one night I stayed up til 4 am and got them back! and my mom got made at me and said I was being crazy! on the day when we left her boyfriend's dirty daughter stole my shoes and my mom didn't believe me instead she decided to take someone else's daughter's side until we got home my sister told my mom how his daughter sucked penis,stole at the store,and isn't a virgin..So she's just a fast nasty waste of space like I told my mom .So she confronted her boyfriend and he told her he thinks she stole 'em too! So why didnt' neither on of them buy me some new shoes!it was their faults b/c my mom was too naive and her boyfriend didn't want to expose his disguisting daughter in front of everybody!So of course I'm mad b/c my shoes were stolen ,before that trip my mom promised to take me to the movies,she promised to buy me some running shoes,etc but didn't do any of it b/c she was too busy with work(understandable)and her boyfriend(stupid!stupid!stupid!) .So she'd go out with him alot ! after trip she broke up with him(i guess) b/c she paid basically for the entire trip by herself .....which i told her was gonna happened before we even went on the trip but she didn't listen to me b/c I'm just a "child' and she says I'm not gonna tell her what to do with her mom ....my mom doesn't have her priorities straight b/c if she did she wouldn't had to work all of those hours after the trip so she could pay off some bills she didn't take care of before the trip b/c of naiveness got in the way of her judgement(she actually thought he was gonna pay a dime on that trip!And he cussed at everyone on that trip {including my mom} except me b/c I don't deal with people like him)so she wasn't able to buy us school clothes or SCHOOL SUPPLIES.....I had to buy my supplies with the money I saved that my mom gave me on the trip to florida to spend there....but since I'm smart enough to save my money and not let it burn a hole in my pocket like my sister I was able to buy myself school supplies! did my mom pay me back ?NO?!!did I get school clothes ?NO! a couple weeks before school started I got my wisdom teeth extracted(painful)...It was hard eat and sleep.....so I mostly stayed in bed .My mom told me to do the dishes when her and my brother were the ones dirtying them all(my sister was a my grandma's house) .I told her no and ever since then she would say " she doesn't do the dishes b/c she doesn't dirty any " ....sometimes she says" my dad doesn't want me, my grandpa didn't want me , so now she has to put up with me " .........To me she needs counseling !!!! I do sports and take challenging courses(honors and AP) and still achieve A's while my sister doesn't care about school ,makes poor grades,and constantly bugs my mom for money....My brother get everything he wants b/c his dad pays child support?~!It's difficult for my mom to help him with his homework b/c he has some mental issues...he has to take medication) .....My mom is a single mom and works which is just an excuse to me now b/c everybody says that! She has done nothing to improve my health since I was diagnosed with PCOS,she didn't get me any SAT classes,she doesn't spend time with me like I had hoped ~!Instead she just continuously threatens to take away my phone,computer ,and sports!When I try to do my homework after practice my sister keeps the tv on and her computer ......my mom just lets her do it .I tell her I can't concentrate and my sister can just go upstairs but she tells me to do my homework in my room? That doesn't make sense at all!b/c when I was little my mom always made me do my home work on the the table and I can't do my homework in my room when the light is dull and I'll fall asleep on my homework!!!what kind of parent would sacrifice there child's grades b/c they are angry and their other child only cares about herself and money !.......so yesterday after an entire week of asking my mom to tell my sister to go upstairs ....she tells my sister to put some head phones in and then my sister asks me for my headphones and I tell her they're broken so she decides she gonna watch tv.I say no! go upstairs! and then my mom just suddenly has a change of heart and goes back to not caring about my grades~!so last i stayed up until my siblings went to sleep to do my homework!I finished half of it by 2am .I realized couldn't finish it so I went to sleep....I missed the bus ....so my mom tried to force me to go to school and I told her no ! so she got mad and send my coach any email saying I can't run anymore and that I won't listen to her !!!it's clearly her fault !I run cross country and have school so therefore I'm a STUDENT-ATHLETE.it doesn't only affect me b/c of my mom's ignorant and greedy decision but the team b/c we only have 5 girls so if I'm gone they won't get to run!unless they can find someone in one week.......whereas my sister is a waste of space that makes bad grades and likes to spend money...I've clearly been asking her all week to tell my sister to go upstairs so i could do my homework b/c I had a test today which I missed b/c I'm not gonna make an "B,C,D,OR F" on a test b/c of ignorance.....usually my sister goes with my mom to my brother's practices ...so I used to get an 1 hour or 2hours to myself to do my homework in a completely quiet environment!.....It's stupid to me how she thinks i'm gonna listen to her if she takes away things...after my tooth extraction I have lost about [Edited] on my own b/c I drink more water and don't eat as much .....I tell my mom to buy more healthy foods but she doesn't care!a couple of weeks ago I gained [Edited] in one week b/c my mom didn't want to go grocery shopping instead she bought fast food all week!!!!!....So how do you deal with somebody like her who has some issues ?How can you get her into counseling ?[

Last edited by PSY; October 20th 2012 at 02:32 AM. Reason: Indications of body weight are not permitted on TeenHelp.
   
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Re: MOM issues - October 20th 2012, 02:49 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

The best way to get your mom into counseling is to report her to CPS (Child Protective Services). Since you've had a case with a social worker in the past, and the situation has not improved, you can explain what is going on and force your mom into doing one of two things: taking steps to improve her parenting skills and overall relationship with you (which could be done in part by attending family therapy), or give up her parental rights until she is willing to do so.

Your mom has been abusive and neglectful. Your mom seems to think that throwing gifts at you (such as pets, electronics, vacations, and money for good grades) is the same thing as being a loving, responsible parent. Unfortunately, she has fallen short where it really counts. She hasn't been giving you consistent medical care, she has hit you, she has exposed you to horrible situations, and she hasn't shown you how to become an adult. Perhaps your mom was raised in a similar manner, and this is all she knows as a parent. If she is forced to attend family therapy (and possibly parenting classes as well), she can slowly learn some skills that will enable her to become a better parent toward you. She will probably continue to let you down for the rest of her life - but some improvement is better than no improvement at all.

I do want to point out that there are some things you can do to improve the situation. I am in no way blaming you for what's happening, but I hope you can understand that you aren't a helpless little girl anymore. You'll be an adult in a few years, and it's time to take some responsibility for your own life. If your mom won't be the responsible adult, then you have to start working toward being one yourself. Things like expecting money for good grades, for example, are ideas you need to get rid of. Little children often receive money or other rewards for doing the "right thing." After a certain age, you're expected to do the "right thing" because it's in your best interests. Getting good grades is something you should strive for because it will give you a good shot at college, and possibly even a scholarship toward college. The possibility of going to college is your reward, not the possibility of getting money. Likewise, cleaning your bedroom and bathroom shouldn't be done because you'll be rewarded for it - cleaning should be done so you won't be exposed to filth and illness. You're doing it for the sake of your health, not for recognition from others. I know it was a long time ago, but remember the incident where your aunt's bathroom was dirty? Well, if something like that happens in the future, why don't YOU clean it yourself? It seems many of the adults in your life won't take responsibility... so it will be up to you to step up to the plate. Now, I certainly hope you will do this with a social worker's and therapist's assistance, because it will make things much easier! The idea that you are a helpless little girl, however, needs to stop today. Make the call to CPS, and get help for yourself. If your mom is willing to work on herself as well, great! If not, then at least YOU can work toward creating a better future for yourself.

Good luck, and feel free to keep us updated on your situation!






   
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