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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Symphony. Offline
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What to do...? - October 20th 2012, 10:00 AM

So, I have this friend. He's extremely immature and overreacts to a LOT of things.
In the past two months, we've had two arguments (not friendly teasing arguments, but legitimate disputes). If I accidentally slip up and do something minor, instead of just being a little annoyed for a day or so like I would be, he'll start questioning our friendship. He doesn't seem to understand that friendships have disputes, and I think he has this idea of friendship in his mind as being some blissful life-long relationship where no bad moments occur. Anyway, yesterday at lunch I was in a very bad mood. He started to bring something up that I didn't want someone sitting at the table to hear, even though it was just a joking thing. So I told him to stop a few times (and by that I mean at LEAST four), but he still continued and so it escalated to the point where I had to shout at him to stop, and even after that it STILL took a good 3 minutes for him to shut up. And then the same thing happened, same person that I didn't want to hear, only a different but still related topic. It escalated the exact same way. He could tell I was genuinely upset, I know he could, yet he continued to try and say it over my voice. Finally he shouts it over my own shouts (I only shouted because I was in a horrible mood already, and this was just making it worse, it was kind of topping it off, y'know?). And then, when I get mad, he acts like I was the one who was in the wrong and always overreacted throughout this whole friendship, when HE was the one who I was fucking treading on eggshells with.
I'm seriously tired of this kid. But he's really sensitive, and he's in my group of closest friends. Also, we all (as in the group of friends, me, and him) sit together at lunch and we aren't allowed to change seats. I'm not with him in any of my classes, but we sit together at lunch, like I said. So it's damn near impossible to avoid him. I don't know what to do.
This isn't the first time he's gotten me mad. The other time he got me seriously annoyed was when he was making jokes about when I was in the hospital. They were really cruel and insensitive. And although he's long since apologized, I'm still very much bugged by his words. There was something else I was going to write about him doing, but I can't remember it now. Anyway, sorry for the ridiculously long post- what should I do?


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Re: What to do...? - October 25th 2012, 01:48 AM

Wow, that's a tough situation to be in! It sucks that you can't sit elsewhere during lunch... that would probably solve quite a few problems. What I would like to know is, how do your other friends react when they see these sorts of interactions? I mean, they must be able to sense that you're upset and want to change the subject, and they must be able to see that your so-called "friend" is continuing to push forward, despite your wishes. How do they feel about him? Generally, I feel it's best to keep conflicts restricted to the parties involved (meaning, don't get other people involved); however, in this case, since you're stuck with him during lunch, I feel it may actually benefit you to talk to your other friends in private. Explain how upset you are by his behavior, and ask that they back you up when he acts that way. You don't need to ask them to "choose sides," per se. So far, they seem to have stayed out of it... but when someone is bullying you, SOMEONE needs to come to the "victim's" defense. That's what your friends need to do now, when they see your so-called "friend" acting this way. Hopefully, once this person sees everyone is against his behavior, he'll back off.






   
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