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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Is this too harsh? - April 15th 2009, 10:05 AM

So theres this old friend of mine, who i knw is nice at heart but does stupid things sometimes.. lets call her friendA i talk to her abt this guy who i liked but things havent worked out and trust her with not telling anyone. So i found out a couple of days ago that this old friend of mine, lets call her Friend B, they were rating pictures of boys on msn and friend A sent her his picture (facebook, hes on her list) and they rated him and also FriendB knew i was close to him. Anyway once when we were talking online i told her a little abt him and she said jokingly (i guess to help me hate him) that he's ugly and she's seen his picture. It sort of annoyed me that Friend A whos my best friend sent Friend B his picture and rated him because it just seems wrong taking someones picture from fb and rating it over looks. And yesterday i went out with this other friend of mine, call her Friend C (btw, Friend b and c were in our group in school but we got reacquainted recently) and when his name came up i found out that even she knew about that guy and i let it go then. I'm thinking of confronting Friend A about this because whatever happened between us that guy meant the world to me and though its not the same, i really dont want ppl finding out about us etc and i told her abt him because i trusted her and she shouldnt tell anyone. And also, i wanted to tell her that if he tries to get in touch with me through her or something, i want her to tell me and not decide for me. Because Friend C's bf called her once and she didnt tell Friend C to help her move on. Also when i used to tell her how much i miss him and its hurting she used to be like shes gona msg him and that bothered me because i trust her. So anyway, i wrote this msg and i'm planning on sending it to her. Is it too harsh?

Hey..you shouldnt have shown Friend C and Friend B his picture. I know i've been looking for reasons to hate him but honestly, he still meant a lot to me and i trusted him more than them.. i do trust these girls but im not as close to them and i told Friend B myself abt him but i dont want him being rated and stuff..u shouldve asked me before sending them his picture, as a person he's really meant a lot to me, and i honestly care abt him and dont want him being rated over his looks because i know how amazing he's been to me and i dont want things about us leaking out. I tell u stuff abt him because i trust u with it, but dont just dont tell anyone else, because he really does mean the world to me and il have to move on without him but i dont want anything negative spreading about him. So dont tell anyone else about him.. i knw i've been hurt and u tell them because u want to help me get over him and i will..and i told Friend B about him but just ask me before u do because i told them stuff i feel safe with. Anywayy WATSUPPP?
   
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Re: Is this too harsh? - April 15th 2009, 09:36 PM

Hi there,

This sounds pretty complicated, but I think what it really comes down to is your friends rating this picture, right? I know you don't want them doing that and you don't think it's fair, but you need to understand that it was this guy that put his picture up on facebook, not your friends. He put up his picture, not with the intention of having it rated, but still with the understanding that others would see it and would likely make comments on it.

I think it's important to talk to your friends about how their comments are making you feel, but just understand that they were allowed to rate the picture. That's something girls I know do a lot.

Nat.


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