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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I have zero respect for my dad - November 6th 2012, 04:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I tried to have some respect to him but I'm sorry, he's messed up too much for me to have any for him. I'm not sure if it was the fact he neglected me as a child, when he threateningly raised his fists at me (though he's never actually hit me he's looked like he wanted to), hit my sister, screamed at me, my siblings and my mom, locked my mom in her room so she wouldn't leave the house, or when he pushed me up against the wall and hissed threats in my face...
I've forgiven him. I don't hate him. But frankly I don't like him nor do I hold any respect for him.
He hasn't done any of those things in a while but the fact is he's done them in the past and I'm always scared that he might go back to that. He scares me and I have absolutely no desire to have a relationship with him.
Is any of this okay? I feel very strongly about this and I hope I'm not wrong but I don't know... I can't stand him.
I'm so scared of him.


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Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted



Last edited by Chris; November 6th 2012 at 10:56 PM. Reason: Added: Triggering (Abuse) title
   
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Re: I have zero respect for my dad - November 7th 2012, 04:51 PM

Respect and trust is not automatically given, it is earned, and in my opinion that's for everyone including parents. I don't think respect for someone just exists simply because a person holds a specific position in your life, especially IF someone holds an important place in your life and they've done something to tarnish it. Your father was abusive, maybe he say the error of his ways and has changed his ways, but it obviously hasn't been long enough for you to be able to trust him again. I don't think you're in the wrong here. I think you should TREAT him with respect, you can't be rude to him simply because of what you feel, especially because if you want to improve your relationship with him, it's not going to help the progress if you add hostility to it, but since you just seem to have more of an issue with the feelings over the attitude, I'd say just to give it time, that's all that can be done for your relationships




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Re: I have zero respect for my dad - November 9th 2012, 07:34 AM

hi, i can somewhat relate to your situation. my father was rarely in my life. only there when he felt the need to tell me to get my mom off his back. its tough growing up without a loving home or at least some parents that care a little. i had alot of anger towards my father for all the years of neglect and abuse but unfortunately some people just aren't suited to be parents and you cant force someone to be one. i came to peace with the fact that i dont matter to him and im okay with that because i grew up on my own and i plan to continue to grow older and show my parents how much of a better and more respectable person i am than they were. its good that you dont hate him or have animosity towards him because alot of people throw "hate" around like its nothing and are so quick to let a person's mistakes and neglect ruin their lives. though we all wish we could have the ideal family and at times think that we should look up to our parents because its the "social norm" thats not always the case. if you choose to not respect him and to move on with your life and come to peace with everything for yourself, you will be alot more at ease i promise you. it takes alot out of a person when they do hate someone but think of it like this: you can forgive your father for his mistakes and move on in your life more peacefully. no harm in that. one day he will wake up and realize when youre older how he's missed out on your life and he will have to prove his worth to you either by apologizing or some other related way.
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