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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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marissa1223 Offline
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Ex-Besties for a year now - April 16th 2009, 02:09 AM

I've read quite a few of these threads, and there are a lot of similar situations to mine, but none quite fit perfectly. So I'll tell my own story... possibly pose a new question, too. Trust me, it's a VERY long story (I have a tendency to drag things out) and you can skip to the end if you like. But if you're like me, you like to read the whole thing.

Joann and I were best friends for about a year. I'd never ever had a friend like her, and I knew she felt the same about me. Of course we had our ups and downs, but the whole time she was my friend was the best part of my life. I felt great - I finally learned how to be happy by my own choice; I felt friendly; appreciated; entertained; LOVED above all else. She was my everything, my best friend. She even chose me over the girl she's known practically forever (whom I still talk to quite frequently).

Sure, we had a couple of fights, but we had a really big one last April - now an entire year ago. We didn't speak for about 2-3 weeks, but I asked her to come back and we had a week of peace. The next week, though, we were at a carnival and she kept ditching me for her other friend. Not having spoken to her for a long time, I felt neglected and confronted her about it. She sort of blew up. Well, she told me I shouldn't have brought it up - it was "inconvenient" for her, she didn't "want to think about it." I gave her some space, but later she said it would take months for us to be friends again.

I think she grew to hate me, as she never came up to me after that. I don't know exactly what I did to tick her off (since all of this started before the day of the carnival) and she never told me. Rumor has it she doesn't know why she was mad, either. Anyway, I missed her terribly, and I tried to talk to her and reason with her to no avail. She had never treated me badly, but now I felt hurt. I said goodbye to her the last day of school. It was like hugging a rock. I invited her to my birthday. No answer from her. I put in all this effort to rebuild our friendship, but she didn't want anything to do with it, it seemed. Then this year started, months have passed, and I can tell there's a lot less tension between us - for example, we can sit next to each other at the lunch table, even though we don't talk.

Here's the important part: Over the past month or two I've been torn between missing her, reminiscing about the good times versus hating not necessarily her, but what she did to me, all the pain she put me through. Sometimes I think I feel better about it when I'm angry at her, since it doesn't hurt as much as missing her. But I don't want to hate her.

More than anything, I've wanted to be friends again, though I think I've sort of moved on (I know she has). I've made new friends, doubtless, but they're nothing compared to her. At this point, we're both different people from who we used to be.

So is it worth talking to her again? Or should I just keep living the way I have been? Normally I'm quite happy, but every now and then this tears me apart. I'm not sure if it would be too awkward if I struck up a conversation, and a few of my friends are telling me to give up, that I care about her too much. Perhaps I do. I just loved her so much.

Yeah. Ranting makes me feel better of course, and today has been a good day. Not a "Let's Hate Joann" day. So now you know the story of my life, haha. Sorry it was so long.

Thanks in advance for any advice!
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Anomaly Offline
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Re: Ex-Besties for a year now - April 16th 2009, 02:25 AM

Hey, first off welcome to teenhelp!! Always good to see new faces.

Ive had this situation with some of my friends and it really does suck. One of my friends I confronted and we grew back togehter with the other friend we didnt. Sometimes friendships just fade, people are constantly changing so differnces come up. Most of the tme theres not much we can do about it.

I'd say that you've tried to stay friends with her and it dosent seem to be working but just because your not friends dosent mean you cant care about her. I care about lots of people and im diffently not friends with all of them. And plus you said you've made new friends just try moving on with your life and see what happens.

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Strider Offline
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Re: Ex-Besties for a year now - April 16th 2009, 10:26 PM

Hi Marissa,
It's good to see you here. I'm glad you want to tell your own story too. And the past information does help, so don't worry about long posts

I know you've been missing your old friend lately, but I think it would be a good idea to move on. You've done a lot for her, and what she did by ditching you and getting mad wasn't fair. Friends fall out sometimes, and I think it would be better to get to know your new friends better and spend more time with them to strengthen those friendships. You deserve to have friends that appreciate you.


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