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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
octocat Offline
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I feel like my best friend just doesn't care. - April 16th 2009, 10:50 PM

Me and my friend (let's call her Anna) have been best friends for about seven years, and we share a really unique friendship that I've always treasured...except in one aspect, which is that when it comes to serious things, she can't handle it.

I told her I was considering getting my GED and she makes fun of me for it, despite the fact that she knows how serious I am about it. She knows I'm a lesbian, but constantly asks me why I "CHOSE" to be one instead of bi (uggh...) and always makes fun of how gross she thinks lesbians are. That probably seems a lot more severe to you folk than me, since most of the time things like that wouldn't bother me, so I don't blame her for not expecting me to get angry about it. But see, the thing is...

I confronted her one day and told her to just stop doing that, and asked for an apology. But whenever discussions like that happen, she always replies with one word answers (most often just an "okay"), and when I ask for an apology, she has the balls to tell me "okay i'm sorry you know i won't do it again can i go now?"

I just don't know what to do. I flipped out on her recently and told her I didn't think she was the kind of person I wanted to be friends with anymore, and I'm not sure if I still feel that way or not. I don't want to lose her, but the way she acts makes me feel depressed because I feel like she never cares about anything I have to say, and if I can't have a best friend that I can also rely on to talk about my problems with me, then... I don't know. This is ruining me right now. I really need help... :/ Thanks in advance...

Last edited by octocat; April 16th 2009 at 11:17 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
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Re: I feel like my best friend just doesn't care. - April 17th 2009, 06:17 AM

Well, this is tough. You've both been friends for a long time and you treasure her friendship. BUT, she is hurtful and disrespectful.

I think you need to calmly confront her and tell her exactly how you feel. Be calm about it, don't yell or get into a fight or anything. Give her a chance. But, in my opinion, if she can't respect you, your sexuality and your choices, she isn't someone you need to be around too much. You can still be friends I think, because she seems to have some redeeming qualities, but not as close as you are now. And if she is hurting you too much, she's not a good friend, not someone you want to be around.

Good luck, PM me anytime.

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Re: I feel like my best friend just doesn't care. - April 17th 2009, 10:45 PM

This is such a hard situation, and I know how it must feel since you two have been friends for so long. However, when she makes fun of you for things like getting your GED, it doesn't sound very much like a friend to me. She should be supportive and give you optimism, not joke about it. And her criticism of lesbians is just downright wrong! You are a lesbian, that's part of you, and she's basically saying that that part of you is gross? How can she be a good friend for you when she doesn't support your desires to get a GED and doesn't support your sexuality?

I think you deserved an apology. But the fact that you had to ask for one says a lot. A good friend should apologize with all of their heart and be sincere about it, not have to be forced to do it.

I don't think she's a good friend for you either. Friends aren't supposed to make each other depressed. I say you sit down and try to have a calm talk with her about your problems. If she's still rude to you and not willing to change her ways, I'd say find someone else to hang out with.

It will be tough to find a new friend and move on, but I think you'd be much happier in the long run. There are people out there that will support you and love you. :)

Take care x


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Algernon Offline
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Re: I feel like my best friend just doesn't care. - April 17th 2009, 11:01 PM

I think that you might be overreacting a bit. I think it might be you two growing apart, as sad as that may sound. I mean, you can't change how she feels about things. I admit she should be a bit nicer though.

Sit down and have a heart to heart.


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