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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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liquidchill Offline
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Question Is it weird? - April 17th 2009, 06:47 AM

Is it weird to hate all the drama? Because I don't necessarily like gabbing on aim for hours and hours or staying on the phone. But I find myself doing it alot, and it wastes a lot of time. My friends are always comnig to me for advice and I'm the girl everyone wants to pair up with. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I'm just wondering. Then, my one friend will always get really mad at me if I talk to someone else for two extra seconds longer then I talk to her. Then the next minute she'll be all bff with me. My phone is always ringing off the hook and my IMs are usully with 6 ppl at a time. It's just hard to keep up, everyone wants SO much from me. Sometimes I enjoy being alone and calm and reading without hanging out with someone every single second like everyone else wants to do and being inseperable. Is it weird to just want to be alone most of the time and not attached to the hip to ur friends?
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Re: Is it weird? - April 17th 2009, 07:04 AM

Heck no, its not weird. In fact, thats pretty much me an a daily basis. I wouldnt feel bad about wanting time to yourself, you're definitely entitled to it. Besides, you have a life outside of your friends, you have things to do and you cant devote all your time to them. Usually if Im being bombarded by texts or whatever, I'll answer a few in a way that kind of discourages further conversation, like something that doesnt really leave room to segue into a new convo. Or just ignore it all. That usually works too


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Re: Is it weird? - April 17th 2009, 07:13 AM

Yes!! Exactly, I feel like all my time is devoted to them. Of course they don't do it intentionally, like they don't know tht I hae so many problems to hepll with for everyone they think it is just me and them I am dealing with, but sometimes it gets so over welming and I keep telling myself only ten more mintutes on the comptuer or anything like tht and I end up wasting all my time on tht, helping everyone else. It's not tht I don't mind helping, but I need time to myself too.


I'm kinda new...but I hear I give good advice, plus I'm a great listener so PM with anything!! I'm all ears...or eyes rather =]

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Re: Is it weird? - April 18th 2009, 05:26 PM

Hey Flannery,

You definitely need some you time, so don't feel conceited about that! Everyone needs some time to themselves, and it sounds like you're not getting much of that lately.

Give yourself at least half an hour of time devoted just for you. In that time, don't look at your texts, don't IM on the computer, just do something for yourself. And when you are on the computer, set a timer to remind yourself when you should get off. As soon as the timer rings, then say you need to leave and you have things to do.

As for your friend complaining when you talk to someone else, that's something you should just try to put past you. You are allowed to talk to other people. Just tell your friend that you were just talking and you weren't trying to ignore her at all.

Nat.


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Re: Is it weird? - April 18th 2009, 05:33 PM

Goodness no, I don't think that's weird at all.

I think its weird when people crave being a part of other people's drama and starting it up. I spend so much of my life just avoiding that sort of thing. Somebody wants to rant to me? I'll listen, but I remain mutual and do not get involved.

Lucky you for wanting time alone. Some people feel like they have no choice but to be alone. : ]

[x3]Kel


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Re: Is it weird? - April 18th 2009, 10:09 PM

I feel as though Nat covered a lot of it. Something I do, too, is I'll give them a limit and I have found this to be rather effective. Not to mention, when I'm the one who's on the receiving end of their advice, having a limit, or at least having an idea of the time between when I start talking and when they might need to leave, helps me really pick and choose what I feel is important, and oftentimes, I prefer to get that out whilst leaving some time over for more positive conversation. I like Nat's idea of setting a timer, but when you get online, maybe you could say something along the lines of "I'm here to listen to you, but as a heads-up, I only have an hour before I have to go." This then leaves it up to them what they want to do with that hour, and some may push you, some may test these new boundaries, but I encourage you to put your foot down and leave after that hour, no matter what's said (I have had people threaten suicide to get me to stay longer, and that can be hard as hell to walk away from).

I also agree with her when it comes to your friend. Again, set a boundary. Say that your intention is not to make her feel ignored but that you are talking to other people. If she whines about it, either ignore it or repeat the fact that you have other conversations and are trying to make your way around all windows in a timely manner. I have a few people on one of my contact lists that throw fits every time I'm talking to someone else, and I, ultimately, said that if they couldn't handle when I was talking to someone else, I would IM them if I had the time after I was done in my other conversations. Turns out they could hold a conversation whilst I had one with someone else. Imagine that.

In any case, don't be afraid to take some me-time. It's important and we all need it. It's not selfish at all, rather normal and healthy.

Take care.

xo Claire





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