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Jessielove Offline
Happily In Love. <3
Average Joe
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Name: Jessie
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Streamwood, IL

Posts: 147
Join Date: January 6th 2009

It's just too weird now. - April 18th 2009, 05:16 AM

Easter, I finally ended my friendship with one of my best friends. Most of the people on here have helped me with my problems with him. I finally came to my breaking point and snapped. I spent a night crying and trying to figure out and when he called me on Easter...I told him I couldn't be his friend right now. He thinks that we'll be friends again, I don't. I gave him his things back, saying just to hold on to them till we make up, but it was a lie. I just didn't want them anymore and couldn't bring myself to throw them away. You think I could by now from everything he's put me through. We said our finally goodbyes today because he was working and I was hanging at the mall with my other best friend, he was ignoring me for some girl he knew...which is weird because he lives an hour away from the mall we were at(My other best friend, not the ex one.). Anyways, me and my ex best friend ended up texting because he was gonna be the friend I took with to Warped tour...I got his ticket and everything. I asked him about it really quickly and he went, "I can't go." I wasn't asking him to go with me anymore, I was just asking about it. So, I asked why. He said, her. Her being his new girlfriend, who hates me with a passion because I was there first and he use to always be around me or whatever. I was a little pissed because before he could come, she said yes. I told him this and he said, "Oh yeah!" and everything. Now here's the thing, I love him to death. I wanna be his friend still, but I still have feelings for him, it's too hard for me to deal with him having a girlfriend. I love someone else way more then I did him, but I've been told since we stopped being friends for these few days...I've gone downhill. People are worried that if I lose my other best friend...it'll end in something bad. I know he's hurt me and everyone else is happy we've stopped being friends, but it's hard for me to deal with. Everyone says it'll be better for me, but to be honest...I don't think it will. Maybe it'll stop the pain, but new pain came and took it's place. No one fully gets it and I can't explain it anymore, it's just loving this guy so much. I mean, we're only talking because my therapist said I should tell him why I left and I did. No, my ex best friend is saying that I need to tell him things...but it's like, we're not friends anymore and what haven't I told you, it's always the same things. You're never there, you never will be, everything comes before me, I never see you, your girlfriend now runs your life, she refuses to let you even be near me, you're putting a girl before a best friend...a girl you've known for about a month, and me being in love with you. Like I said, everyone says I've gone downhill, and I have. I've started to cut again and I came close to killing myself, everyone knows...so it's red alert and I'm getting more therapy. I just don't know if I should stay be his friend again or see if this passes. I mean, we both work at this small mall, most of the memories we have are there. I met him where I work, so I could never forget him, plus he was my first love and first kiss.

When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -

Last edited by Jessielove; April 18th 2009 at 07:36 AM.
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