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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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KaYlA_jOe Offline
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Unhappy I Am A Terrible Person - May 30th 2013, 07:59 AM

My older brother is homeless. His fault. He couldn't respect landlords or keep a job because he cant respect a boss because of his woman my Mom couldn't let him live with her anymore. They are disrespectful, his woman would be mean and hateful to my younger sister always calling her fat or when ever she spoke she would roll her eyes and tell her how stupid she was and they would hide food in their room and tell my little sister they did it so she wouldn't be a pig. My little sister is eleven and has a thyroid disorder that makes too much insulin in her body which keeps her from losing weight. All the meds do is keep her at a constant weight. This all has to do with why I'm a terrible person.

My husband and I just got a new place. A really nice new place. I have made very hateful remarks about my brother in my moms presence. I hate the fact he mooches off of her and has no respect for her at all and I let it be known. I don't and can't say anything to him because it's not allowed because he will lose his temper and beat me like he has before.

Tonight I was talking to my Grandma and she informed every time I make a remark it makes my Mom cry. My husband says it has something to do with the fact he is her son and I am his sister and she is sad by the fact I resent him so much. I haven't been able to stop crying.

I will try to stop with the remarks but it's so hard... I know it's her son but he is sucking her dry and not saying thank you or please just I need $20 give me $85. Yes my Dad gets a very handsome pay check but he takes from my Mom even after all the bills and she's almost broke... I'm not one to just keep quite I have too much of my Dad in me. I am just so sick of it...

Yall can go ahead with the hateful remarks about how I am a really crappy person now...


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IM THE KINDA GIRL EVERYONE WANTS TO BE BUT IS AFRIAD CAUSE THEY DON'T WANNA STICK OUT IN A CROWD!!!
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Re: I Am A Terrible Person - May 30th 2013, 10:10 AM

Hi Kayla,
You are not a terrible person at all, I completely see where you are coming from, your brother should not be treating people the way he is and his situation is his own fault. However I can also understand why your mum gets upset when you insult him as he is her son as well, I know my mum would be upset if I said horrible things about my brother.
What your brother and his woman have been doing to your younger sister is disgusting and disgraceful they should have more respect for someone with a medical condition. I find it unbelievable how they can say anything when it is not even her own fault she cannot help having the Thyroid problem. I don't think I would be able to not say anything to him about this either so I don't blame you for the hateful remarks you give him.
However it might be worth you stopping making these remarks in front of your mother as she clearly doesn't like them as difficult as it may be. Please don't think you are a terrible person because you are not.

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Re: I Am A Terrible Person - June 1st 2013, 11:42 PM

You can't change how you feel and that's a fact. I'd recommend talking to your mom openly about it, there's no reason for your Grandma to be an intermediary.

Its true, it is her son and your brother, she is going to love her no matter what. Expressing yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, but I'd recommend holding off and just saying these things to your husband or when you're in private. Talking to someone else about it would be helpful, guaranteed.


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Re: I Am A Terrible Person - June 2nd 2013, 01:34 AM

You are entitled to your feelings, and you have every right to vent about the situation; however, there is a time and a place for everything. It sounds like your mom is dealing with a lot right now. Your dad is possibly financially abusive (by withholding so much money), your brother is clearly a jerk, and your sister has a medical condition. Your bad-mouthing, on top of all that, isn't going to help your mother - if anything, it will just be one more person in her family who causes her to feel stressed/upset. I know you probably don't intend for that to be the case, but I can pretty much assure you it's not helping the situation. Why not vent to your husband, friends, and/or a journal instead? Get it out of your system, so you don't have to sit on these negative feelings, but don't add to your mom's already stressful life.

I also agree with the person above me, who stated there's no reason for your grandmother to be the "middle man." If you need to communicate something with your mother, such as an explanation or apology, go ahead and talk to her. Your grandmother may have good intentions, but the meaning of things can get skewed when there's a "middle man." I'm sure your mom would love to hear you say you'll make more of an effort to cut back on the negative comments, and I'm sure she'd also love to know that these negative comments are being said because you love your mom and don't like to see her being taken advantage of. That way, it doesn't seem like you're just saying these things because you hate your brother - you're saying these things because you hate to see anyone hurt your mom.






   
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