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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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9Lives Offline
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Pressure from my Mom - April 22nd 2009, 08:57 PM

I always try to respect my mom and to never intentionally insult her. Let's get that straight okay?

And she wants me to become a doctor. Yes, i want to become a doctor too. But I want to become a doctor because of me. Not because of her or because she wants it, but because I want it. ME. Now she's applying (that's right, she's applying, not me), SHE's applying to all these universities for me. And yeah I appreciate the help and all, but she doesn't understand that I don't want to wonder 10 years later if I became a doctor because of her or because of me? Which shouldn't even matter, since what matters is helping other people, but right now when I'm trying to decide which university to go to and what course I take, she's suffocating me, pressuring me, saying if I can't get local, she'll send me abroad (overseas). She just keeps pushing and pushing and not letting me have any say in the matter. But seriously, I want to become a doctor becasue of me, becasue I want it. And I need that. i need to know I'm doing what I want. And if they happen to want it as well, fine. But i NEED to WANT it first. Me.

And when and if I do say something, she immediately gets hurt and insulted, even though I didn't say anything insulting and starts saying I don't want to become a doctor, what am I gonna become, just a failure, huh?, and who do I think I am and God knows what else. oh and did i mention she's one of the Queens of sarcasm? And I hate her sarcasm. hate it. Hate it. HATE it. But when I told her, she got pissed and said saracsm seems to be the only thing working when she talks to me(really? NOT. I just ignore it, but it really gets on my nerves). Then she cried. And started saying she wasn't a good mother and I don't appreciate her. I DO.

It...It's just really frustarating. I can't seem to say anything coz whatever I say she takes as some sort of criticism, but if i don't say anything then i don't get what i want. What to do? Any advice?
   
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Re: Pressure from my Mom - April 23rd 2009, 12:20 AM

Hi Iffah,

If she's helping to just fill out forms and whatnot for the applications, I don't think that's too big a deal. However, she should not be writing your essays or any kind of work that you might submit for the universities to read over. It should be your own work at all times. If she is trying to write it for you, then just let her know that it has to be your written work and answers for the university to accept it. But if it is just forms, I think you should just let her help fill them out. It's not the forms that will get you through med school, it's your work and your effort, and that comes from you.

Your mom just wants you to be successful, and she thinks she can help you get somewhere. She just wants to be a part of what you're doing right now. She may feel that if she isn't helping that she's being a bad mom, which she isn't at all. Maybe pick out the things that she might be able to do and let her know that you need to do the rest for the application to be valid. Hopefully she will understand.

Stay strong
Nat.


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