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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Fallings out are getting me down - June 28th 2013, 07:26 PM

EHi guys
Within the last year or so I have fallen out with and drifted apart from a lot of friends. It's depressing as we all grew up a pretty close knit group. It all started just before my birthday last year. Someone who was a close friend his birthday is the day after mine so we always try to plan our birthday plans around each other. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was going away so would not be around. A few days before my paety I texted a load of people to see if they were definitely coming. He was one of the people I texted and it so happened the party was on his birthday. All I got was a snotty response saying "fine I won't see my mates on my birthday" as far as I was aware that was when he would be away. I replied saying the hall was all booked/dj etc so I wouldn't be able to cancel everything but I said I was happy for the party to be a joint one so we could all be together to make things easier.

For a while my alcohol tolerance has not been the way it used to be and I personally put it down to not drinking very often. One night I was out and I had barely drank and came over all dizzy. I felt like a burden to the friends i was with so i waited for the worst of it to pass and stayed until everyone else was ready to leave despite being really unwell and having collapsed briefly in the toilet cubicle. I didn't want the night ruined. I thoughtand maybe I hadn't eaten enough that day. Another night a similar thing happened. I was sick. And was too ill to stay out. As I came out of the loos two of my friends were waiting for me. I explained I had been sick and really needed to go home. Out of nowhere ny best friend started having a go at me and grabbing my arm and asking why I kept getting like this and said it was as if I didn't want to go out any more and was making excuses. I felt nad as it was her 21st. I told her not to make me feel any woese than I did for leaving because it was her night. She went crazy and started going "who the fuck fo you think you sre getting rude to" she still had hold of my arm and my head was spinning. I needed to get out before I lost my temper. So I went outside shaking with anger abd called a cab to lwave. I let everyone know where I was going and left. The next day I still felt unwell so went to a doctor who explained I have problems with my liver. Since that.night my bedt friend and I have only seen each other a handful of timrs and have not really mwntiomed what happened. On my part it is not wanting to make a scene and paryly because I feel I have no need to apologise as I did nothing wrong. I don't know what to do anymore i feel as though we are all going our seperate ways for pathetic reasons and I am sick of everyone making me out to be the one in the wrong on every occassion. Help! What do I do? My boyfriend has been amazing and when we do go out it is usually in a group but his friends aren't the same as my own if you know what I mean. I just want sone mormality back. I rarely go out any more and it is getting me down.
Thanks for reading.
Paige
I apologise for the terrible grammar. I wrote this on my phone lol.


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Re: Fallings out are getting me down - July 2nd 2013, 11:59 PM

It's fairly common to grow apart from a few friends over the years. I'm a bit unclear on whether this is happening with every friend you have, or just one or two friends.

If you feel there are many friends that you're drifting apart from, there are a few ways to deal with the issue. One would be to connect with each of them one-on-one, vs. as a large group. That way, you can spend quality time reconnecting with them, emphasizing how much you care about your friendship and want to keep in touch. Another would be to plan an event that doesn't involve drinking - perhaps hosting a party at your place, offering a meal and some board/card games for entertainment. When you invite your friends, you can personally call them (vs. sending a mass text/e-mail/e-vite) and emphasize how you're looking forward to seeing them.

If you feel you're drifting apart from just one or two friends, I'd think about everything that's happened over the years, and decide if the good outweighs the bad. Sometimes, a serious one-on-one conversation can clear the air and salvage the relationship (for example, disclosing your liver problems). Other times, if the person's ego is too large, or if the person's attitude/lifestyle has changed too drastically, then it's best to move on. It can't hurt to at least try, though, because not saying anything at all (and drifting even further apart) may be something you'll regret in the future. If you reach out and are turned away, then at least you'll have closure with that particular friend.






   
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