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redhuntinghat Offline
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Who was wrong? - July 15th 2013, 02:09 AM

Yesterday was my grandfather's birthday party & the honoring of the scholarship recipients in my grandmother's name. My uncle is very upset with me because I did not go. He believes that this was because I did not want to celebrate the birthday party with my grandpa. This is not true. He told me about the scholarship recipients, but he did not tell me that it was a birthday party for my grandpa and that he expected me to be there. I really had no idea how much this meant to him and I felt terrible about what I've done. He says I was wrong because I refused to go and honor my grandpa, but I believe that he is wrong for being so harsh about a misunderstanding and assuming things that are not true.

He send me a strongly-worded & unfair email saying 1) I hurt my grandfather's feelings because I did not want to celebrate his birthday 2) I was selfish and last night was all about me 3) I should think about what kind of person I want to be.

Who is wrong and why?
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Re: Who was wrong? - July 15th 2013, 03:13 AM

Your uncle is overreacting, and he'll probably continue to be upset for a while (so I'd wait a day or two to let him calm down before contacting him). In the meantime, can you contact your grandpa? If so, I would do so right away, and let him know you're very sorry you missed his birthday party. You can explain that there was a miscommunication and that you would have come if you had known the birthday party was taking place at the same time as the scholarship ceremony. You can offer to meet with him one-on-one for a belated birthday celebration, as soon as you are both available to get together. Then, after you've made things right with your grandpa (and after a day or two has passed), you can contact your uncle and apologize for the miscommunication, and assure him that you already worked things out with your grandpa. You don't have to grovel and plead for his forgiveness - be calm and kind, but don't put up with any verbal abuse. Has your uncle overreacted in this way before, or is this uncharacteristic of him?

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Re: Who was wrong? - July 15th 2013, 03:37 AM


Things like this happen in life and the best thing to do is just let your uncle have a couple of days to calm down before you approach him and to contact your grandfather as soon as possible so you can plan a time to celebrate with him. Let him know, as Robin mentioned, that you did not know it was his Birthday celebration along with the scholarship ceremony and that you are really sorry for not attending and that there was miscommunication.

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