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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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keybladeninja11 Offline
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Unhappy I need to get out... - July 24th 2013, 04:25 AM

I want to move out, but my mother is against it.
To put it straight, my father is having an affair. My mom is of course really upset and heart-broken...but she wants to fix things and refuses to divorce...my dad hasn't said anything about divorce, but he definitely doesn't want to fix anything.

I want to get out of my house. It's horrible being here. I'm twenty years old, I finish my last semester of community college at the nearby college and I plan to move in with my sister a few towns away after I'm done with college here, but I can't stand being in this house any longer. It's so suffocating. It's starting to affect my whole mentality and even my health a little. I can't even study or do anything fun when I'm at home. I can barely sleep at night when I'm at my house. When I sleep at a friend's house, I sleep fine. I know the problem won't go away if i just move out, but if I at least move into a place with a nicer atmosphere, I will be less stressed out and can sleep at night.

I have a good friend who is willing to buy an apartment with me and together, we can definitely afford it. The only problem is my mom is against it. She thinks it's dumb to get an apartment in town when I have a house to live in for free. Months ago, I would say the same thing, but it's different now. I feel so depressed the moment I step into my house. No matter how late I stay out, the moment I come back, I can feel the tension in the air wrapping around me like an anaconda. It's really horrible and I don't want to be here anymore.

Someone tell me how I can give a good argument to at least convince my mother to support me and understand. To be honest, I have actually been wanting to get a taste of living while supporting myself and I think this is a good chance. I also want to help my friend because she is also trying to find a roommate.
   
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Re: I need to get out... - July 24th 2013, 05:40 AM

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on at your home I can relate more than you know to how you feel. I think you could tell your mother two things, the first would be the truth. That you don't feel comfortable at home anymore, that it's affecting you so much that you have trouble sleeping. If you don't think she'll take this seriously, then I'd recommend that you tell her that you're ready to experience life on your own. That you want to try supporting yourself and that you're ready to take a new step in your life, tell her it's a learning experience.
If all else fails, technically she cannot make you stay at home as you are legally an adult. But I understand that it's hard to make such big decisions without proper support. Although if moving out will make you happier, then I think that's a risk that's worth taking.
Good luck with your decision, I hope my advice helps in the slightest at least
   
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Re: I need to get out... - July 24th 2013, 08:44 AM

Thank you. I figured that telling my mom that I want to move out would be difficult in the first place. I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her...I just need to get out before this whole situation at home settles too much in me. I'll still be in town till I move away to my sister's, so till then she is welcome to see me or talk to me whenever she wants.

And it is true that I could just get up and go, whether I have their permission or not. But the thing is they still support me in a lot of ways, especially the fact that they pay for my college. I don't want to completely disregard them with something like "I do what I want", they could well stop taking care of me financially and I hate to admit that I still need their help with that.
   
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Re: I need to get out... - July 24th 2013, 02:56 PM

I think you need to be honest with her, tell her what you've told us, that you CAN afford to move out, and that you were happy to love at home and that you agree it is (or was) the best choice, she needs to understand the strain her marital problems are putting on you and that you don't want her to think your abandoning her, you need to be on your own. Make it clear to her that you are NOT your father (because she probably doesn't want to be left by both of you and she might see you moving out as another betrayal when it's not), make sure she knows you will still come over (or she can come to you) and such and that it might even be the best, besides, loads of kids in smaller towns live on their own whiel doing community college despite having their parents in the same town, it's because their adults and they never had the choice to move out like other kids who moved away for school, lots of kids stay home to save money, especially in cities, but if you live in a town housing tends to be cheaper, and if you know you can afford it in a city why not get that independence experience if you are in a position to easily do so Just be honest with her, let her know that the environment is bad for you right now, but that you will support her, just in another place




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: I need to get out... - July 25th 2013, 02:48 PM

Thanks. Talking to her about this will probably be the most difficult part, I've never been good with words >_<
   
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Re: I need to get out... - July 28th 2013, 12:53 AM

Having been in a similar situation in the past, I also encourage you to be honest about why you want to move out. Ultimately, your mom is free to make whatever decisions she wants; however, she needs to understand that her decisions will have an impact on what you feel and do. If phrased correctly, the conversation doesn't have to be tense and all about how she makes you miserable. It can be a very mature conversation about how you need to take care of your needs, physical AND emotional - those are very "adult" goals, and I hope your mom can be supportive of that, given time. Keep in mind that many parents struggle with the idea of letting their children move away from home, regardless of what else is going on in life... so you can also explain that this is the perfect time for you to experiment. If something goes horribly wrong, your family members will be close enough to lend a helping hand. That may not be the case in a few years, should you move to another state/country to pursue work opportunities. This can be a "trial run" prior to moving in with your sister.






   
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