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My brother....dun dun dun - July 24th 2013, 10:36 PM

Hey guys,

So, my second youngest brother is at that age where he's really wondering about sex. What sickens me is that my parents have not, and are not, going to give him the talk, same as it was with me.
I grew up with very screwed up thoughts of sex because of this, and thought that you were only cool once you were no longer a virgin and that sex.was just for pleasure for yourself.
That's the farthest from the truth. So now, my brother has something I didn't have at his age...friends that knew about sex. So they make all these jokes and crack up and he doesn't understand so he wants to fit in. Well he thinks that, since he's picked up bits and pieces of what it is, he's so cool now that he knows. So he gets a bunch of dirty jokes and tells me them and expects me to think if him as cooler somehow??

What makes me mad the most is that he learns a bunch of cuss words from his 'friends' and when he uses them in.a sentence to me, he acts all weird and asks if that was a bad word.
Here's my dilemma...if I say yes, he'll teach my youngest brother and my parents will find out then my middle bro will say I told him it. If I say no, he thinks its okay and uses it around the house so if my parents hear, he'll blame me and I'll get in trouble.

Why? My parents got this idea that I teach them everything bad...and tell them everything I know. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It's my brother's genius friends that tell them everything, and my brothers blame me because they know that my parents can tell them not to hang out with their friends...but they can't tell them to not talk to me.
So I got grounded awhile ago because my brother called my other brother an 'effing p***y' and said I read it out of s book to them. -.-

We're all over that...but I don't want a repeat of it with the sex thing. this kid needs a firm understanding of sex, i think even more so because he's a boy and he automatically thinks its the greatest thing in the world.
Plus, he's got nothing to lose,he can't get pregnant.

I just don't know what to do...plus, it makes me uncomfortable that he tells me all these dirty jokes and waits all awkwardly for a reaction. It's like...dude, grow up.
I can't stand when someone is like dancing or something, and he'll be all, "humpin like a chump! Humpin like a chump!" And he thinks he's so cool.

It's hard to explain...but I get uncomfortable, he gets offended that I didn't like 'his' joke,and I don't know what to say.
Advice?


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Re: My brother....dun dun dun - July 26th 2013, 03:57 AM

Hey there,

It sounds like someone really needs to give him "the talk" so that he is well informed, and understands what sex is and how to do it safely and respectfully (and how to figure out if he SHOULD engage in said activity). Have you tried talking with your parents about your concerns? They do kind of a have a duty to look after their son's well being...which includes his sexual health (and the rest of his well-being, by extension, as making a major mistake could EASILY influence other parts of his health as well). If they still refuse to sit down and talk to him about sex, it might be best if you gave him at least some rudimentary, reliable information. Your parents might not like that, but it WOULD be helpful to him in the longrun. Hope this helps!


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Re: My brother....dun dun dun - July 26th 2013, 04:20 AM

I've considered talking to them...but I haven't even gotten the Talk. Then recently, somehow my parents found out that I knew about sex, and my mom brought it up, briefly, in a sentence. But she sounded so bitter when she said it...so I guess the entire subject of sex is a secretive and shameful subject in my family.
Maybe I will tell him...if he asks. But my parents will kill me if they find out that info came from me.


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Re: My brother....dun dun dun - July 26th 2013, 06:14 AM

This is a tough one. Reminds me of watching Wife Swap today (bad example I know) but it goes along well with the topic, the one family was afraid to even have the talk, and expected nature and everyone around to talk about it. While the other mom said something like, "I want them to hear it from me rather than find it on TV." I know being a sister, you want to help and hope he gets "The talk" from your parents. But it might be better to talk to him or find someone else older to explain things. Because TV and the media in my opinion distorts the whole feeling of sex and what sex is. So it's better to have the talk. I'm not sure who would be the best person explaining it to your brother though.


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Re: My brother....dun dun dun - July 28th 2013, 12:58 AM

Your local library may have some educational books about sex. Perhaps you could check one out, then offer it to your parents? It may help them to broach the subject using an educational book, vs. having to "start from scratch" with "the talk." Additionally, if there are any positive older male role models in your brother's life, that might be someone who could give "the talk" to your brother.

While it's true that your brother can't get pregnant, he CAN get a sexually transmitted infection if he doesn't use protection, and if he gets someone pregnant, he may have to pay child support. There are definitely some possible consequences, for boys and girls, who don't receive a proper education from their parents/school/etc.






   
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