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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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iheartlouis Offline
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Forgiveness. - August 8th 2013, 01:35 AM

So last year during the fall semester of school, i got really close with a friend of mine. We would talk all the time and hang out pretty often. And we were always there for each other. We were like best friends. Then one day he decides to ignore me out of nowhere. I honestly have no idea what i did to him to make him do that. So as the days passed i messaged him a few times saying i'm really sorry for whatever i did, i miss him and hope we could talk again and everything. He read the messages but never replied. And we had class together so i'd see him everyday at school, which made it hard for me to move on. Then christmas came and as i promised, i got him a gift. I got him nike elite socks, what he really wanted and i wrote a really thoughtful card. And what do i get? Nothing. Not even a thank you. And he still wears the socks to this day. So i really regret that. But towards the end of the year i kinda just forgot about it and moved on. I also messaged him again, for one last time. In the message i was saying stuff like "i'm sorry for whatever i did" and i really regret that. I feel like he doesn't deserve an apology. I didn't really care anymore. So this whole time i was care-free. Until yesterday....

Yesterday i went to the mall with my mom. We were in the food court, and there he is...with his parents. And my mom decides to get a table near theirs -.- I saw him, and i know he saw me. But i pretended like i didn't see him. We didn't make eye contact or anything so that's good. But after that i didn't really care. Like i didn't miss him or anything like that. And this afternoon i got a message from him.. it said

"hey. im sorry for ignoring you. i read what you wrote to me the day you sent it. but i guess i was afraid. i dont know. but i feel so stupid for ignoring you. you were one of those people that stuck with me and supported me. and i did nothing but push you away. im hella sorry... you dont have to forgive me. but i just wanted you to know that. i hope we can be friends again. since it is our last year."

So basically, i have no idea what to do. I miss the friendship we had. And i really want to forgive him, but i feel like he doesn't deserve my forgiveness that easily you know. What he did to me was pretty mean. I honestly didn't do anything to him.. I kinda wish he just left it. And we could move on with our lives. But now i honestly don't know what to do. What do you guys think?
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Re: Forgiveness. - August 8th 2013, 02:05 AM

Coming from personal experience (being in his shoes) I understand what's going on. It does sound like he really is truely sorry (as I was and to a point still am over what I did) Really in the end it's up to you if you forgive him or not. Like I said though it sounds like he really is genuinely sorry for what he did and I think you 2 could work it out, yes it'll probably take time but I feel it's possible. Good luck and hope things work out well!
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Re: Forgiveness. - August 8th 2013, 02:15 AM

also coming from being in his shoes before, he does sound sincere and maybe it's worth it to give him another chance and try to work things out. It will take time and I'm not sure exactly how to do it except I'd say to take it slow but it looks like a bump in what can be a strong friendship.
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Re: Forgiveness. - August 8th 2013, 02:52 AM

i want to forgive him, but i honestly don't know HOW.. like, what should i say?
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Re: Forgiveness. - August 8th 2013, 03:12 AM


I know he really hurt you. I've been at the other end of this, and I've also been in his shoes before. I think he deserves another chance. If you two were so great at the beginning, then you have to ask yourself, "is it still worth trying for?". Sounds like you two were pretty good friends, and that's not something one should give up on. Everyone does things they regret. So, I really suggest asking to meet up with him. Ask him why he ignored you, just hear out his side of the story. I've had someone push me away and ignore me for understandable reasons. Even though it hurt for awhile, I forgave him. I still trust him, and we're still great friends. I have to say, forgiveness takes time. I started by looking at what he had to go through, what caused him to do this. Then I looked at myself and saw how many mistakes I made and that he forgave me. To me, that's what friendship is. Forgiveness and acceptance.
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Re: Forgiveness. - August 10th 2013, 12:14 AM

My former best friend shut me out of her life for over a year. It was very painful for me, because while I could understand why she was hurting, I couldn't understand why she chose to cope by isolating herself to that extent. I gave her space, per her request, then I sent her a birthday card. She called me back later that week, and it was clear she was filled with remorse, even though she didn't express it very readily. I chose to forgive her. It doesn't mean I forgot about what she did, and it doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to be all warm and fuzzy with her.

Forgiving someone simply means that you're no longer going to hold their previous wrongdoings against them. You're not going to use it as ammunition - you're going to give them the benefit of the doubt. That's different from diving in head-first and saying, "gosh, I completely 100% trust you again!" Trust DOES need to be earned, but forgiveness is something you choose to do because the friendship matters more to you than holding on to their previous wrongdoings. It's also something you do for your own sake, because holding on to resentment will eventually chip away at you emotionally.

Like Christabel said, I'd just start off by asking for his side of the story. Why did he react in the way that he did? What will he do next time, so that he doesn't end up shutting you out of his life again? Take things one day at a time. Be patient with him, and be patient with yourself. It's fairly common for people to overreact shortly after forgiving someone - small things can set a person off and remind them of what happened in the past. Don't blow things out of proportion, but if he shuts you out again, do what's best for your emotional well-being and put some distance between yourself and your friend.

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