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Holika Offline
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Question I dont know what to do - September 1st 2013, 03:16 AM

when i was a kid i was constantly being put down by people outside of my home. That continued on through highschool but something else came into play later on. My parents started to bully me too. i have some examples

When i was 14 me and my god sisters were watching the titanic. At the time my parents had every tv on lock so much that I couldnt even watch nick toons. my dad walked in and saw us watching it (the titanic) and he dragged me out of the room to bitch at me then proceeded to punch in the face. he told me not to cry but i went back in the room balling my eyes out but i didn't dare tell my god sisters.

in another incident i accidentally wore the wrong sandals to church. My parents yelled at me from the time they noticed up until we got back home he said he was going to spank me but somehow or another i guess he had such a fun fun time in church (the only thing cares about) and forgot.

on another incident my dad called me a slut/whore because i didn't fucking wear a belt with my jeans. I used to be a very large child (another source of bullying). and when i lost weight my clothes would no longer fit me and my jeans would often fall down. instead taking me to get more clothing (we are by no means poor) he calls me a slut.

lastly and most important my parents moved me to a very VERY rural area of north carolina and i feel that being so far removed from society has really damaged me almost to the point of no return. i think a lot of the crucial development and relationships that would usually happen between ages 12-16/17 that should have happened didnt happen. I try to explain this aching feeling to my parents but now that im 19 all they tell me is "well your grown and can make your decisions now you can't blame us anymore" i would honestly accept that bullshit if they allowed me to live with my granparents in the city for as long as i need/want so i can develop some much needed independence. but they don't. They demand i come back every other weekend for car isssues as well as forcing me to go to this terrible church. My parents are incredibly religious and a number of my problems come from that. At one point my dad explained how i bought satan into the house as well as other mystical forces of the like. He would constantly accuse me of being part of a cult because, well, you name it. by his logic It's probably a cult. apparently at one point i was also possessed. who'd a thought.

he even fucking accused me of being witch because two of the cars broke down and the sink broke all within the same week.

My mom is slightly easier to deal with but not really. she bases my entire life worth on how well i clean the house. I've been cleaning her dream home in the boonies since 2006. Its my life accomplishment. Even my 'job' now is wiping shit off of walls and floors and polishing furniture for my boyfriends dads janitorial business. I always ask her why the hell does cleaning take such a precedent over every aspect of my being and the answer is always something like this: "if you can't clean a kitchen then you certainly wont be able to hold a job or anything else ever. you can't even be responsible for rinsing out the sink. how can you ever manage a successful independent life on your own."

I feel like i can do nothing right and i can't even think straight anymore. i hear voices (very unpleasant voices) on my way to sleep at night (this started when i was probably 9-10). I'd tell my parents about that but i know they'ed blame it all on the "video games" which i dont even play.


I also keep hitting myself every now and again [Edited] because i get so fed up with my parents self righteous attitudes towards me and my problems. ive never cut myself. it just doesnt do job [Edited]. they constantly compare me to other more successful, beautiful people my age and ask me "well what the fuck is wrong with you" i never answer them. They don't get it and i never know how to explain these kinds of things verbally. please help.

Last edited by PSY; September 1st 2013 at 04:25 AM. Reason: Removed explicit descriptions of self-harm.
   
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Re: I dont know what to do - September 1st 2013, 04:39 AM

Hello, Holika! Welcome to TeenHelp. I'm so glad you found this community, where you can vent about everything that's going on and seek support/advice from fellow members. I am so sorry to hear you grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive environment. What your father did is absolutely not okay, and I'm glad you're aware of that and seeking help now.

Unfortunately, because you are an adult (and not considered a dependent or elderly adult), you can only report physical abuse to the police. At that point, they could take some action against your father, but ultimately, they would tell you the same thing I'm about to tell you: move out.

As you stated in your post, you missed out on a few learning opportunities while growing up. As a result, moving out may seem like an impossible task, or at least a very scary one. However, since you DO have the ability to physically remove yourself from the house (to stay with your grandparents), I urge you to take that next, crucial step, and remove yourself from your parents' control. I lived with my mother after my parents separated, and when she became abusive, I also felt like I couldn't think straight any more. Whenever she started yelling, I froze like a deer in the headlights, and I couldn't fight back psychologically. I was only able to start doing that after I moved out and put some distance between myself and my mother.

I also struggled with self-harm in the past, and I found the urges to hurt myself completely disappeared once I removed myself from the stressful situation (I was bullied by classmates, which happened before and after my parents' separation). While you contemplate the idea of moving out, would you be willing to take a look at this list of alternatives to self-harm? It has some great suggestions, provided by TeenHelp's members! It's important to find ways to cope that won't involve in permanent and/or life-threatening physical damage.

How well do you get along with your grandparents? Would they be willing to support you until you can get a job? You may initially say "no," but have you ever discussed this possibility with them? Are they aware of what you've been experiencing at your parents' home?

Your parents can threaten you all they want, but the worst thing they can do is take back some of the things they've provided you with... and if your grandparents are supportive, I'm sure they can teach out how to compensate. For example, if you have a car and your parents take it away from you because it's under their name, you can take public transportation around the city where your grandparents live in order to look for work, visit charitable organizations, etc.

As for the voices, I can't comment on whether or not that's resulting from a mental illness. Many people who are abused develop an "internal voice" of sorts. It's a creation or manifestation of the abuse they've heard for years and years. Someone who has been beaten down by the people they see every day may begin to subconsciously beat themselves down, hence the voices you're describing. Fortunately, there are low cost and/or free services available to you, and once you've moved out, I'm sure it won't take long for you to find a psychological professional who can work with you in combating the voices. This article may help you begin that search.

The most important thing to remember is that you do NOT have to go through this on your own. TeenHelp's members are here to offer support and advice along the way, and in addition to your grandparents and other sources of support (perhaps people you haven't yet thought of, such as your godsisters), there are government and non-profit agencies that seek to help young people such as yourself.

Take care, and feel free to keep us updated on your situation!






   
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Re: I dont know what to do - September 1st 2013, 05:00 AM

Thankyou. I know i need to move out but the thing with living with my grandparents is that my grandpa isn't doing that great and my grandma just had surgery on her nerves. I help them out while i do live there as well as going to school. its not that bad because my uncle also lives there and does his share of help. the biggest problem is parents still believing they can control my life. I understand that they have all the money and resources but I can no longer live this way. I'm trying so hard to find a job so i can at least say that I can do something but nothing is turning up. i've had 3 interviews but nothing came of them. and job with my boyfriends dad isn't consistent work i only get 25$ every 2 weeks.
   
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Re: I dont know what to do - September 3rd 2013, 07:40 PM

I'm really sorry you have been and are still going threw this with your parents my dad is bad aswell i irony know how they get the nerve to abuse there child its bad I hope you can soon get a decent job if not a great job and show him you can be indapendant person. As for what your mum said that's not TRUE that's just her being stereotypical I don't like people trying to be stereotypes (like a Scottish guy always wears a kilt or has ginger hair or a girl always has to be home cleaning) but none of them are TRUE just because you can't clean doesn't mean you'll be a failure it doesn't mean anything if your not as good as your parents at cleaning I can't clean worth the f**k I get screamed at and get everything in my room put into the middle of my room and she wonders why I get mad at her if I tipped everything in her room upside down id get kicked out she goes a bit over the top all the time I don't know where she gets the nerve I hit my self too iv broke my knuckles because I hit walls because I got bullied all through school and then when I was 11 I got beat up by my dad and I just wanted to D.e but I can't get the courage in really sorry your getting put threw this pm me if you feel down ( if you want to)
   
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