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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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omega0678 Offline
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I don't know how to help my mom. - September 1st 2013, 06:18 AM

I'm not the type to run to others for help, but this time I don't see any other option. I prefer to handle my emotions by mentally compartmentalizing them and storing the negative ones away. I understand that this may not be "healthy" for me, but I don't feel any need to do otherwise. It's the easiest way for me to deal with them and, until now, I haven't had any real repercussions with doing away with them like this.

The short version of the story is that my father, who works overseas, met a woman, basically a sex slave, in another country and they fell in love. The news was tragic for the family, but it hit my mother harder than anyone else. Our family is her life. She feels like she's losing everything. My father's actually back home now (he'll be heading back overseas sometime this week though), and he's staying here for the most part. Tonight, I think he actually went to a hotel, though.

There is no way to salvage their relationship. I acknowledge that and I'm moving on. He's going to pay her way out (I think it'll cost $20K) and they'll move to her home (not in the country he met her, but still not in my country). Even though he seems to be perfectly fine with the current situation (after all, he's getting what he wants), my mother is a complete wreck. She does her best to hide it from us, but not even her shields can't break. I can't stand to see her cry. It's something that I can't repress, the ONLY thing that I can't.

The problem is that I know I should do what I can to be there for her. I know that I should let her vent and listen to her. But therein lies the problem. ALL I can do is listen. I don't know what to say to her to help her. I don't know whether it's because I've lost touch with my emotions or if it's just because I'm such a cold-hearted, apathetic excuse for a human being. Still, I don't really care about the reason. All I want to know is what to do in this situation. How do I help her? What should I say? What should I do? I just really need some advice from someone that's capable of feeling. Preferably someone who's been through a similar situation. Thanks in advance. Sorry for the trouble and any spelling/grammar mistakes (it's 1:17 AM here and I haven't been able to get much sleep lately.)
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: I don't know how to help my mom. - September 1st 2013, 06:43 AM

First off, welcome to TeenHelp.

I haven't been in a very similar situation as you, but my parents did have a bad relationship and moved on to be with other people.

See, the only person in my life that I can't stand to see upset is my Dad. If I see him upset, I want to completley fall apart when he's sad - it's absolutely horrible. Truthfully, I think you already know the answer to your question(s). There isn't much you can do. The reason your mom is trying to hide it is because she doesn't want you (and the other kids - if applicable) to see her sad/upset. Which is very understandable as a parent. I wish I could send you something to make your mom feel better. I wish I had a magical wond to wave to solve the issue, but I don't.

In situations like these, you don't have many options except the following. Be there for your mother. What I mean by that is be there physically, and also verbally. Tell her that you know it must be a tough thing to go through, and you love her, and you are there if she ever needs to vent. Also, try to find ways to get her mind off things. That may include asking her to take you to the movies, or going out to dinner once in awhile. It may even be as small as declaring a day to clean the house, and jamming out to nice music with your mom. The point is, you need to continue to create a relationship with her, and continue to be there for her - because in all honesty, you are the only healthy and successful relationship that she has in her life to look upon. So, keep your head up, and be there for her. I'd be lying if I said that things probably won't get worse, however they may - and you being there for your mom will lighten the blow that she (and the rest of the family) may soon face.

But in the end, things will improve in the household and on the plus side, your relationship with your mom will reach new height. Stay strong.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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