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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Parent stressing me out.. help? - September 5th 2013, 12:24 AM

Hello, my name is Madi.

I'm turning 17 in less than 2 weeks.

I guess it's sad because I'm wanting freedom now, before it's too late when I'm 18 and not know how to do anything.. but anyways:

I don't have a Permit. I'm from St. Charles, Missouri. We can get our Permits when we're 15, get our license at 16. My mom always says "It's not our first priority" which I understood at first, but.. she used that excuse about 5 times and won't tell me anything else. It's been 2 years.

Lately, "money's an issue" according to my mom. Let me make this clear first:
I've been wanting a job.
So, I've been trying, but the only problems are:
~My mom won't let me have/see my SSN.
~My mom won't let me get a job period.

I've offered.. over and over again for me to get a job, but it's always a no. When I ask for money (how else am I going to get it?) she says no, "money's an issue. It doesn't grow on trees."

Lately, I've posted something on Facebook about me finally filling out a job application.

Now, I'm grounded because my mom thinks I went job hunting yesterday with a friend when I told her and DID do my homework at the friend's house. She thinks I'm lying, and it hurts.

It's been stressing me out, and I would like advice.. I heard that I should just sit with her and talk to her without interrupting eachother, but when I insisted she instead called my phone and demanded to hear what was wrong, and she interrupted me anyways, thinking I was pregnant (she won't let me date either, but I've been secretly dating a guy for a year and a half, but that's another topic I shouldn't get into.)

Thanks..
   
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Re: Parent stressing me out.. help? - September 5th 2013, 12:59 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that. I know how hard it must be to have strict parents that won't let you almost do anything. Plus, I know the feeling of wanting autonomy so bad. It almost just makes you want to do anything in order to gain it. Is the reason that you don't drive yet is because your mom won't allow it? Have you really asked for an explanation from your mom as to why she won't let you get a job? You should also ask about the money as well. Maybe your mom has a good reason for not wanting to lend you money because she might be having a financial crisis possibly, and maybe she doesn't want to admit that to you. It's hard trying to understand parents, and sometimes you get to the point where you just want to do what you need to do without them stopping you. However, if I were you, I really wouldn't be stressing over this too much as it's not good for your well-being. I would really try to talk to someone in person. Maybe a close friend, or somebody that you know and can really trust. He/she can probably try to find a way to help you out with this situation. From the sound of it though, it seems like your mom is really overprotective of you, which is a bad thing because how is she going to ever trust you to do anything?




“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
   
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Re: Parent stressing me out.. help? - September 5th 2013, 01:52 AM

I'm sorry to hear that communication between you and your mom has been going so poorly and that it is detrimentally affecting you so much.

Have you considered working for a family? I know I babysat all through high school and I've been working privately for a family as a support worker and never once been asked for my social security number from the families (it's a SIN card in Canada, since it's technically social insurance number but what ever, semantics right)... So you could try that. It'd be a good way to get a little money without needing your mom to hand over information. Technically there might be a way for you to get the card, at least once you are 18, since you will be an adult soon and you might be able to contact some local government place and ask them how you can get this information if your mother is withholding it.

I don't encourage rebelling against a family but I do think that there are reasonable circumstances where you can rightfully defy a parent. This is one of them




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Re: Parent stressing me out.. help? - September 5th 2013, 11:16 AM

Yeah, I've tried to talk to her.

She'd always laugh at me, acting like I'm only making a scene, usually says "everything's fine." and then she goes to do her own thing.

I've cleaned a few of my friend's houses and got some money out of it.

I've also read online about getting my SSN, and I might as well wait until I'm 18 to get it myself.

I've also tried to sit down with my mom and it never really worked. As I said, she laugh or just not understand. "I want you.." Isn't it suppose to be half what I want, and am I suppose to have a say in it? I know she's my mom.. but I feel like I'm 5 years old compared to everyone else.

I'm going to try to take her out to eat or for a walk and see what that does.

Thanks for the replies, by the way.
   
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